What's the cause...Jealousy in my blood?

I just read on this site one of the first steps in over coming Jealousy...is finding the cause....well…..

I've been jealous as far back as I can remember, I remember being jealous of my brother when he would sneak out and watch the Benny hill show, I must have been 8 yrs old.....I have NO idea when / how / why it started

It has ruined every relationship I have ever been in....it kills me emotionally....I can't let anything go....and Everything gives me jealous feelings..... I get jealous feelings when a bra commercial comes on if my bf is sitting there with me.....I don't get mad at him....but I get all tense/physically sick from it....or I shut down and 'punish' him by not talking to him….like it's his fault I feel this way?

My bf is one dedicated trusting man, I trust him completely, I don't' fear infidelity, I just fear him seeing other women.

we started dating a year ago, shortly there after, his best friend got married and they did the strip club bachelor party……my mind plays over what must of 'happened' ….what he must have seen….(all made up in my own mind) until I make myself sick and I start crying…..I do this regularly…..I thought once if I talked to him about it….maybe I could let it go…so I asked if he had a lap dance…he said no….I instantly felt better….until he said…but there was "this one girl that danced for me and "his friend" oh….that made it soooo much worse…

Seriously tho….I won't get married out of fear of a bachelor party…..

I won't go to the beach in fear of other bikini wearing girls…..I avoid A LOT of Living becuz of this….and I'm tired of it! It's ruining my life!

Is there any possibility that this is in my DNA to be this way??

I do not believe there is any scientific evidence as of yet that jealousy can be transmitted through genes.

I loathe beautiful people to. Or, I did. Now I sit back and watch them, although admittedly it's easier for me as I'm bisexual!

Some days I can't even face mundane events because of the anger, hopelessness and jealousy it inspires in me, but I'm not hurting anyone and that's alright. You arn't hurting anyone either, take solace from that.

It did occur to me that jealousy might be a habit - you started young and just havn't stopped. Perhaps a course of counselling to break this thought pattern might be helpful. I've had it up to HERE with those kind of professionals but they do help some people.

Hang on in there.

No, it's not your DNA. lol. This is something that can be worked through and changed. Serious I am.

I used to be quite the jealousy queen. I KNOW what you mean. Go to the beach with a few friends or the man - and every girl triggers off this sick-in-my-guts feeling, my blood drained and I got flushed, and I wouldn't want to talk for fear of doing something stupid.

I used to get jealous watching music videos! oy!

It is totally distracting and sucks up so much energy, thought, and LIVING. Plus, it can truly ruin relationship or generally drive people batty.

Realize you aren't Present when you are jealous: you're in your own world of ego.

I am not like that anymore. I have my insecurities like anyone else: but the jealousy is basically gone. It would take a lot to get me jealous now!

What helped? A little bit of age. Creating for myself some of the things I wanted so bad. Learning to like myself and put a big red stopsign when I found myself comparing to others.

Love and appreciation are NOT something that can be all used up. Same goes for success. Someone can have what you want - and it doesn't mean you can't have it too! There is plenty for everyone.

And its important to start celebrating other peoples happiness as though it were your own. That's part of loving someone: putting your own crap aside for a moment to take joy in their ups. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to find joy that way: it doesn't depend on your life alone. Excellent jealousy buster.

Ask yourself honestly why you feel this way. Are you feeling like something is going to be taken away from you? Do you feel like you aren't good enough? What is it?

And, yeah, I think a lot of it is habit too. So the cycle needs to be broken.

hang in there.

Thanks.....I can relate to what you both have said...and am super happy that you found peace in this horrible feeling!! I hope to find that myself…I’m 34….and realized I am NOT enjoying my life because of all these hang-ups!

I too can't watch music video's.....it is SOOO pathetic...I check movie ratings. and if it says nudity...I won't get it if I’m watching with the bf….AND because of the way I am….it’s made him feel like he’s got to walk on egg shells when he’s with me…..he makes sure to look away if there’s nudity / bra commercials etc on TV….that should make me feel better right? Nope…makes me feel like a horrible person.

I’ve even purposely sat on one side of a booth at a restaurant…..JUST in case a cute girl walked by so he wouldn’t see…..I consciously think of these things ALL the time…(and going to a concert where there are Hoochie Mommas come out with there girl parts hanging out everywhere…oh man…..funny thing tho…I am the one massively searching them out so I can see them first so I know what he’s going to see?? Geez….why do I do that to myself…..He’s probably not even looking as far as I know)

I too am Bi-sexual….I’ve always wondered if that could be a reason….maybe I KNOW the excitement he feels seeing other women??

I know this will take a lot of time to change my behavior…(since it took my life time to get it down!

I’ve tried counselors…but to no avail…either I just wasn’t ready emotionally to deal with it….or they just wanted to give me pills….

Oh I also went to a previous life gal….(it didn’t work for me) but I would give anything to figure out why and figure out how to STOP it…..

Maybe deep hypnosis?

I’m sure it’s all about the low self-esteem….I’m always seeking/needing/craving physical attention from him…to assure I’m a turn on to him I guess……

On the comment “It is totally distracting and sucks up so much energy, thought, and LIVING” oh how true HOW TRUE!! I am printing that sentence off….and putting it somewhere I will read EVERY day!!!

It’s NOT worth it…….

One of the big causes of jealousy is if you had parents that were alcoholics. That can causes you to not trust anyone, to not see reality how it ease and be verry depended of the partner.