caseyann

yes indeed it does I do believe that not all men are like that....MINE is not like that ....my ex was...and he really caused a lot of the resentment/mistrust I hold...so unfair to my current bf....but he's being very understanding and patient with me....exactly what I need right now!

Oh if only it was just that easy.......

The whole "its a guy thing" drives me nuts!! why is it considered acceptable for a guy to look at other naked women .... JUST cuz he's a guy.. I just don't get it.... I can stand here and say...it's not a big deal ...it's only pictures....and I actually believe it....BUT then when I'm IN the situation.....something massive TAKES over inside my body that is SOOOO uncontrollable....and it hurts SOOO bad....I want to scream...kick....cry....puke....it's the worst feeling ever...... I don't understand it....and I don't know how to control it...IT is more powerful than my reasoning....and it wins everytime I try to 'prepare' myself with all the ideas such as "change your thoughts...think happy things etc" and I always feel ready to deal with it in a more healthy way......but when it happens....it ALL gets over shadowed by this dark dark awful poison called Jealousy!!

Every time SHE starts coming up in your mind…say STOP IT…STOP IT…. STOP STOP.!!! OR Wear a rubber band on your wrist….every time she pops into your head…snap it…… I'm too am self torturer….I'm very mentally damaging to myself…I will mentally obsess about something until I'm physically sick and crying…it's horrible I had a class through work on how to deal with angry clients 'while taking care of yourself'…. he had us envision something that was mentally anguishing to us….then he talked us out of it…..like envision the scenario…….take a snap shot……now turn the picture to black and white…..now let the picture grow gray….and fuzzy……now push the picture away from you … further…..further……now crumple that picture up….and throw it away….. It really worked…. now when I start mentally torturing myself…I say STOP IT…. then I push it away and throw it away…I remove it from my head…and go about my day…it's like alcoholism….one day at a time….you can't say I'll never think of it again…that's just not practical…if it was that easy, we wouldn't have the problem to begin with! Say….I'm NOT going to obsess about it at this moment……NOT NOW…….push it away…..TAKE DEEP BREATHS…. I met my current bf through work….before we were dating, we chatted as friends via email on a regular basis…..he liked this other girl that we worked with, she's blonde…fake boobs, skinny (anorexic looking imo)…wears very provocative clothes (she wears low pants and short tops that show the top of her thong panties….skin tight shirts…..some are very low cut….and loves male attention…if she's not getting it….she throws her boobs in their face until she does get it……Anyway..I was his confidante on how he really felt something special for her…..how crazy he was for her…etc etc…not a good thing to hear for a crazy jealous person….but how did I know at the time we'd end up dating!…….anyway….knowing one's true feelings for someone is very hard to deal with….especially since we all still work together! My blood boils everyday I have to see them interacting through work….I obsess every morning with what is she going to be wearing today…….I got to where I was "punishing" him because of her actions…..acting cold toward him….not being my self…..he finally made me open up and tell him what was wrong…..I felt so stupid…and embarrassed to admit any of it….Jealousy is NOT something any of us are proud of….WE know it's wrong…..but it's the FEELING that literally attacks us that we have no control over at the time. Anyway….I opened up and told him…..luckily I have the sweetest most reassuring man I've ever met on my side…and although he doesn't understand it…he's helping me work through all this….after telling him I almost became accountable for my actions….I couldn't give HIM the cold shoulder because of the way she dressed anymore….because he now knows why I'm acting like that…..I can't hide it anymore…..I have no choice but to open up and tell him how I felt about her current outfit etc etc…..I found that by saying it ….he would respond with what I needed to hear…."that is very inappropriate wear for work" "she looks like she's shopping in little girls section" I've found that he is not as obsessed in her wardrobe as I was. I am lucky tho….my bf is not a womanizer…he doesn't stare or check out other women…..I do more than he does…just to torture myself! Why do we do this to ourselves???

Thanks.....I can relate to what you both have said...and am super happy that you found peace in this horrible feeling!! I hope to find that myself…I’m 34….and realized I am NOT enjoying my life because of all these hang-ups! I too can't watch music video's.....it is SOOO pathetic...I check movie ratings. and if it says nudity...I won't get it if I’m watching with the bf….AND because of the way I am….it’s made him feel like he’s got to walk on egg shells when he’s with me…..he makes sure to look away if there’s nudity / bra commercials etc on TV….that should make me feel better right? Nope…makes me feel like a horrible person. I’ve even purposely sat on one side of a booth at a restaurant…..JUST in case a cute girl walked by so he wouldn’t see…..I consciously think of these things ALL the time…(and going to a concert where there are Hoochie Mommas come out with there girl parts hanging out everywhere…oh man…..funny thing tho…I am the one massively searching them out so I can see them first so I know what he’s going to see?? Geez….why do I do that to myself…..He’s probably not even looking as far as I know) I too am Bi-sexual….I’ve always wondered if that could be a reason….maybe I KNOW the excitement he feels seeing other women?? I know this will take a lot of time to change my behavior…(since it took my life time to get it down! I’ve tried counselors…but to no avail…either I just wasn’t ready emotionally to deal with it….or they just wanted to give me pills…. Oh I also went to a previous life gal….(it didn’t work for me) but I would give anything to figure out why and figure out how to STOP it….. Maybe deep hypnosis? I’m sure it’s all about the low self-esteem….I’m always seeking/needing/craving physical attention from him…to assure I’m a turn on to him I guess…… On the comment “It is totally distracting and sucks up so much energy, thought, and LIVING” oh how true HOW TRUE!! I am printing that sentence off….and putting it somewhere I will read EVERY day!!! It’s NOT worth it…….

I just read on this site one of the first steps in over coming Jealousy...is finding the cause....well….. I've been jealous as far back as I can remember, I remember being jealous of my brother when he would sneak out and watch the Benny hill show, I must have been 8 yrs old.....I have NO idea when / how / why it started It has ruined every relationship I have ever been in....it kills me emotionally....I can't let anything go....and Everything gives me jealous feelings..... I get jealous feelings when a bra commercial comes on if my bf is sitting there with me.....I don't get mad at him....but I get all tense/physically sick from it....or I shut down and 'punish' him by not talking to him….like it's his fault I feel this way? My bf is one dedicated trusting man, I trust him completely, I don't' fear infidelity, I just fear him seeing other women. we started dating a year ago, shortly there after, his best friend got married and they did the strip club bachelor party……my mind plays over what must of 'happened' ….what he must have seen….(all made up in my own mind) until I make myself sick and I start crying…..I do this regularly…..I thought once if I talked to him about it….maybe I could let it go…so I asked if he had a lap dance…he said no….I instantly felt better….until he said…but there was "this one girl that danced for me and "his friend" oh….that made it soooo much worse… Seriously tho….I won't get married out of fear of a bachelor party….. I won't go to the beach in fear of other bikini wearing girls…..I avoid A LOT of Living becuz of this….and I'm tired of it! It's ruining my life! Is there any possibility that this is in my DNA to be this way??