How much money goes into it?

I've been with my guy 9 months now, we've said the L word many, MANY times. All is well, we've had our fights, we've seen each other at our worst, we know all the skeletons in our closets. (It's not worth suprising someone later on in the relationship with the skeletons...it was all on the table at about 3 months in).

All my friends are married, they were all married by the time they were 22. They tend to look down their noses at me now as some silly "kid", and my boyfriend as a "kid who doesn't want to grow up." Now what the heck they mean by that blows my mind- he recently got a full time job at a design firm- something he's wanted forever. It's not easy to find a design job where we are. He'd been looking for years. He has a house, he's 28- almost 29 he seems to fit the descripton of a "grown up" to me. I know we're just getting our footing steady in the realm of jobs and houses and things like that (I'll be graduating from Nursing school in May) but the "I'm-so-better-than-you-because-I'm-married" club really looks appealing to me. I realize that my friends who are all younger than me have the one thing in common and that's that their parents said "God told THEM that their S.O. was the one he created for them, and they needed to be married." I don't have a family situation like that nor do I want one...but here's my point after all this rambling: I was a little sad that I didn't get a ring for christmas. I don't know why I expected one- he's only just gone from making 10 dollars an hour at a part time t-shirt store to 15 dollars an hour full time at this new place.

Someone clue me in- how much do rings generally run? How much work and money is it to have a wedding? I know one day soon we will have that, he and I, but I think I need a reality check!:splat:

Well, rings can cost whatever one wants to really...anything from a couple hundred, to millions.

Same goes for weddings! They can also be as stressful, or not, as you make them. I have known of people whom broke up over the stress of wedding planning, or because the relationship got neglected in order to work on the wedding..

But really, marriage is not about the rings, and the wedding. Nor about how much it costs for that ring and that wedding, really, those are the minor details.

You are 25, sheesh, your friends make it sound like you are ancient! Your friends are actually getting married ahead of the average these days....honestly, take your time. In the end, it is much better you are happily married, with someone you KNOW is the right one, at 30, then getting married at 20 or 22 when you are still learning whom you are, to the first person whom you ever get involved with. Not saying that those do not work out, in many cases they do, but the statistics also show it is those marriages that often don't work out. Now, maybe your friends won't be in this area, but I would say most of them are not as happy as they are trying to present to the rest of the world...marriage is not easy, and I think those whom get married young often have some delusions about it.

I am 26, and yes, would love to get married, but I am also going back to school soon and making plans for myself. My life does not revolve around being someone's wife. I do want marriage, to my current boyfriend, but I am certainly not going to do it according to someone else's timeline or pressure. He will ask when he is ready, at which I will willingly say yes, but I sure would not want it to be because all my friends are doing it! These years, honestly, are the best of times. I love being in my mid 20's, and look forward to hitting 30! Enjoy them, enjoy the love you have with your boyfriend, and when the time is right, it will be right. 9 months is still pretty early on, I think after a year you can discuss it a bit, and should both know whether this is going somewhere or not, but don't turn into a "Pre-Bridezilla" already! Why were you expecting a ring, had you talked about it?

Next time your friends get on your case, tell them you think that it is more important that you as a couple enjoy each other and let things progress naturally. That you both want to do it when YOU are ready. Tell them GOD is telling you that you both have a lot of love to give each other, and that sees big things in your future, but wants you to enjoy things as they come right now.

It's not marriage that makes someone an adult. I would find a very subtle way of implying so when they imply you are "kids", then drop the subject.

Many ring places will finance. I recently purchased a ring at Jared and they had very good prices and a nice selection, plus the employees are all very professional.

They had a one year 0% deal which we took advantage of.

How much you can spend is up to you. I spent quite a bit... but she's worth every penny.

Someone clue me in- how much do rings generally run? How much work and money is it to have a wedding?

All those things are pretty much under your control.

Case in point: Me.

Don't know what my engagement ring cost exactly, but do know what my husband's financial condition was when he bought it and have a good idea where he got it from and what other similar rings run. Well under $100.

Wedding:

$40 for the license

$20 for the minister

Me & him at the courthouse on a Wednesday (I think it was a Wednesday...) morning first thing, then the two of us went out to lunch afterwards and went to the movies. The movies cost us nothing because I had a free pass from the prize closet at work. (Men In Black II, if you're curious)

If all you want is to get married, you can do it very cheaply. If you're set on having the big wedding, the big party and buying into all the other stuff people will tell you you "have to" have, then the sky's the limit.

Frankly, I'd rather save my cash and keep it simple, but I understand that not everyone's that cheap...er...frugal...I mean thrifty.

No, the hard truth is I'm cheap.

As others have said, costs can range from virtually nothing to more than the gross national product of some countries.

When I got engaged I was in college and making virtually nothing. I did finance the ring and it was around $500 for a 1/3 ct diamond plus the setting. Nothing big or fancy, but nice.

A 1 ct ring will usually set you back around $2,000 - $3,000 depending on the setting. But prices vary widely with the quality of the diamond itself. Flawless ones are ridiculously expensive and you can't tell the difference with the naked eye in most cases anyway.

Weddings all depend on what you do. A simple ceremony at the courthouse in your street clothes will run you a couple of hundred dollars. A full blown wedding plus a reception averages around $25,000 now. I got this list off link removed

Invitations, Announcements and Thank You Notes $ 350.00 - $500

Flowers $ 800.00

Photography $ 900.00 - $ 2,500

Videography $ 700.00 - $ 1,500

Music (DJ, Band, Etc.) $ 900.00 - $ 1,500

Officiant & Ceremony Site $ 400.00

Transportation (Limo, Carriage, Etc.) $ 450.00

Gifts for Attendants $ 400.00

Wedding Rings $ 500.00

Engagement Ring $ 1,000.00- 3,000.00

Rehearsal Dinner $ 750.00

Bride's Gown $ 900.00

Wedding Veil & Headpiece $ 200.00

Bridesmaids' Apparel (for 5 bridesmaids) $ 1000.00

Mother of the Bride's Apparel $ 900.00

Groom's Rental Tuxedo $ 500.00

Groomsmen's Rental Tuxedos $ 200.00

Wedding Reception (Caterer, Cake, Site, Etc.) $ 500.00-$ 8,000.00

Honeymoon $ 5,000

GRAND TOTAL $ 20,000 - $ 25,000

Print out to use this sheet in planning a budget, and to get a better idea of average wedding cost in your area.

"GRAND TOTAL $ 20,000 - $ 25,000"

HOLY MOSES!!!! Here's hoping the bun in my oven isn't a girl...

My wedding (not including rings) set us back less than $2000. The honeymoon was another $400. I can't imagine spending 20 large on a wedding... That's almost as much as I put down on my house. Call me cheap, but WOW.

My engagament ring was about $2500, for a 1/2 karat diamond set with a gold band and platinum setting. (It's an incredibly high-quality flawless marquise-cut diamond though, so it was a wee more expensive than the average ring.) My wedding band was about $400 more. However, high-quality engagement rings can be bought for around $500. And financing is always available. Not always a great idea, but always available. The sky's the limit.

Good luck to you, strandysmommy. Oh, and don't marry because all your friends do, or because they look down on you for not being married (who DOES that, anyway???) Marry because you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can overlook all of your boyfriend's shortcomings, if any, and spend every single day of the rest of your life with him. Marry him because he is your best friend, because he respects you, because he'd be a good father and a good provider.

--SNIP--

Good luck to you, strandysmommy. Oh, and don't marry because all your friends do, or because they look down on you for not being married (who DOES that, anyway???) Marry because you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can overlook all of your boyfriend's shortcomings, if any, and spend every single day of the rest of your life with him. Marry him because he is your best friend, because he respects you, because he'd be a good father and a good provider.

Excellent advice from Paisley80 and the others, in my opinion.

My wife and I were engaged at 24 after a year of dating. It probably wasn't too soon, nor do I think we made a mistake; however, my future wife was a fairly conservative Catholic girl and I either kept some of my skeletons in the closet or minimized their importance to me.

As a result, I've had to keep certain aspects of myself in check over our 20 yrs of marriage. Things like some liberal political leanings, enjoyment of porn, feelings that occasional use of marijuana is okay, and a desire to spend money a little more freely than she likes.

As long as I keep the skeletons deeply hidden in the closet, things seem fine in the marriage. But it isn't easy knowing that some of my preferences are unacceptable in my partner's eyes. There have been conflicts when I've pursued something that she doesn't like. And I've seriously contemplated divorce so that I can feel free to fully be me.

The point of all of this is that you should listen to the above quote. Don't get married for the wrong reasons. You may end up regretting it.

Let's start with this motherly advice -- if all of your friends were going to jump off a bridge, does that mean that you would, too?

I was married when I was 19 and divorced when I was nearly 22. For me and most people I know, divorce is much like the last scene from Bravehart. You know, the one where they pull his guts out while he's still alive? It sucks beyond belief and was by far one of the hardest things I have ever been through (and I've been though a lot!). That said, it taught me a lesson; to look at long term relationships and marriage reverently.

You responded to me and although my relationship has had it's hardest year yet (in almost 19 years) I've had a lot of great years. Don't settle just because you're internal clock is ticking or you're getting pressure from outside sources. Even if you're guy is "the one" take it slow and make sure. The wedding is but a day -- an hour -- the marriage is a lifetime.

The way I see it, a wedding only requires a few key elements: the bride, groom, preacher/justice of the peace and the rings. Best man, maid of honor, and wedding cake are important to. Otherwise, the rest is just for decoration.

As has been said, weddings cost as much as you want. Some people want the fancy deal, others like it simple. It all depends on your taste. But the wedding is just one day, the marriage is a lifetime. What counts above all else is that you are with the right person and that you mean the vows you say.

My engagement ring was about $20. We picked it out together (I'm a sterling fan). I don't think money should matter. It's timing. He may just not be ready yet.

And i will tell you THIS from experience: no matter HOW much people try to explain the amount of time, work, and money that goes into making a wedding happen, you will never really be prepared for it! LOL! Again, all of that info depends on the couple. A destination wedding costs more than getting hitched at the courthouse! Some places you pay per guest, and some places you pay a basic package price. Locations prices vary, clothing costs vary, catering costs vary... It really just depends on what you choose to do.