snugglemufin

I know what u mean I paid £450 last month to travel 6000 miles to meet a girl, and that was a few weeks after she had had a few doubts. I'm saving up again to see her this summer, even tho I can't afford it, i just want to be with her, its not the vacation, its not the going away, its being with her. My parents don't yet know of our relationship but I will tell them gradually. Do what you think is right. Your friends may sound negative (as mine were ) but its new to them as well and they just worry about you. If your relationship is meant to be, then your family and friends will soon accpet it. If it doesn't work out, your friends will say "I told you so" but let them. Your real friends will still support you in the end WHATEVER happens. Best of luck

Seems like she is using you mate. Id get out while I could

Well, I just got back from the Philippines where I met my g/f AND her family and it was GREAT !!!!!!!! as soon as we saw each other at the airport, there was like this "wow" feeling, like we had waited for soo long to be together and we got on really well. We didn't see enough of each other because she was unable to get time off work, but this gave me time to bond with her family and and she loved me all the more for it. A couple of her cousins tricked me into bying them t-shirts cos they were skint an knew I was from UK and had money, but she told them off, but everybody was so friendly and welcoming and the bottle of scotch I brought for her father didn't last long !! All seems to be ok and I can't wait to see her again Thanks for all the advice

The "Valentines is just a commercial holiday" argument is simply RUBBISH and completely invalid becasue Christmas and Easter are just the same but do ppl complane about them ? Christmas Day, Valentines Day, Easter Day, Birthdays are the four days of the year where people give and receive cards / presents for from each other, and to single out ONE as being commercial is wrong, they ALL are. What this means is that because it is "normal" to give and receive on those days, it is thereforeeee normal to "expect" something on these days and you shouldn't feel guilty. Buying a Valentines Card for a lover is such a small gesture and those ppl who say "its just commercialism" are probably ppl who counted the number of xmas cards they got. If I were you, I'd be a bit worried because sending a simple card takes very little effort and if the best he could do was an unsigned E-card then hmmmm, that would worry me a bit.

Follow your own heart. There ae no "rules" for how long you must see somebody or how much time you spend together or apart. It sounds like you both care for each other, so build on what you have, rather than worry about what gets in the way - when that happens you will know about it at discuss it then. Also, by today's standards, being 6 hours away is not really that long considering ppl from UK or USA have relationships with Asian people. Enjoy what you do have. Best Wishes

For me, if a girl says "she loves" me and I know she does, then thats all that matters, thats all I need to make me happy. That, and the hope that I will see her again.

OOHH It hurts. It hurts like Hell. Its the worst pain in the world and this is the first time you have experienced it. Nothing anybody sais or does will take this pain away and nothing anybody sais or does will make you feel better but I can give you some advice on how to deal with the situation. (1) Find out from her EXACTLY what she wants and where you stand. Make sure she answers ALL your questions and that way, should the worst happen, you wont torture yourself for days to come with unanswered "whys" and "what ifs" (2) You feel you can't live without her and that happens with any relationship. You won't want to hear this, but its true. You did live without her for 16 years and this "feeling" in time will go away. Sometimes this takes weeks, sometimes months but the old cliche' "time is a healer" is sooo true. (3) You say you have never met. Some would argue that you aren't really in love, but who are they to dispute what you feel. Meeting up with her is a totaly different issue becasue the "online" to "real" transition can be disappointing or amazing (I have experienced both). What you need to realise is that if you meet her, and are disappointed, then you will be gutted. If you meet her and your heart warms to her then letting her go will be even harder. There is an argument that you have nothing to loose by meeting her, but only do this if you are prepaired to get more hurt. (4) Put this WHOLE situation down to experience and learn from all the positives. The pain of being dumped, and the pain of being the one who is doing the dumping, are two of life's lessons that we must learn. Every relationship teaches us new things that we can take into the next. (5) I Guarantee that when you reach my age (34) You will have had a few relationships, some good, some bad, some short, some serious, and you will look back to this time and remember that innocent 17 year old boy.

Thanks for all your help ! I really appreciate it watch this space !!!

Well, I did one better than e-mail her...I called her and spoke to her and she was honest with me and told me the following : (1) As soon as she knew I was coming, she began to take the relationshp more seriously and didn't want things to go too fast - she wants there to be a natural "courting" period when she can get to know me and also, because that is what her family expect too, (they are strict apparently) (2) The "I'm too busy to talk" excuse was an excuse but only becasue her stress at work and the stress of my persistent questioning made her feel worse. Whenever she logged onto MSN, she became moody and edgy because she half expected me to interrogate her again, which is difficult when she is working and her boss is always on her case. (3) She pointed out that her family bless our relationship and if she wasn't interested, then she wouldnt tell her family, or seek their approval (4) She feels strongly enough about me to feel confident that things will be good between us, otherwise she wouldn't ask me to come. She made it clear that if she wasn't interested then she wouldnt waste my time, or her family's time either. (5) Her father has blessed our realtionship because he apparently has seen "positve changes" in her since she knew me. She is apparently more motivated at work, has more desire to do well and succeed, because I inspire her apparently (6) She pointed out that if her family DID'NT bless us, then that would be a much more serious thing than a case of pre-meeting jitters. she made me realise that what we have is a lot more than what we don't have. She isn't the only person in my life who has accused me of being persistent and going on and on all the time. Maybe I am the victim of my own insecurities and should learn to trust more.

You are 18 and young and want to "play the field". if thats what you DO want then you have to be honest and leave this girl, you can't have your cake and eat it. If you want to settle down and marry her then you need to be honest and accept that mariage is a commitment and if you still want to "play the field" then you will probably find that the marriage won't work. My advice is don't get married too young if you want to meet other girls. Its better to marry later when you have had what you want, rather than marry early while still yearning for lifes desires. when true love hits you, other girls won't matter at all - fact. Only you know what you want !

Mouse Potatoe, I agree 100% with what you say, and you are right, I did open my heart too soon. In a way, the fact that she says she is not sure if she loves me is actually a GOOD thing because it means she is probably gone "ok, things are getting serious now, he really is coming, he's not playing games, how do I REALLY feel". I remmeber chatting ages ago to a girl from China who told me she loved me after the second e-mail, and yeah, I didn't believe it and it freaked me out. With "Jennifer" (changed name to protect her ID), there was more sincerity and more..genuiness about her. I am going to e-mail her now and give it to her straight. Tell me how she feels or I'm not coming. Harsh, but I think she need a fright

We just had a short chat on MSN. She definatly wants me to come and visit. There are a number of possibilities : (1) She knows she doesn't love me or wants me, but will meet me anyway to convince herself that she was right. (2) She is only 22 and this is a big thing for her, so she is naturaly scared and just doesn't want to get hurt herself so she is putting up a defense mechanism (3) She has a problem with confrontations- this IS in her characther because she is always scared to ask people things and tell people things because, as I said, she is only 22 and not had much relationship experience. (4) She gets upset when I back off from her and don't e-mail her - she certainly feel something. geez. I just wish things were back to normal. Why is life so screwed up at times ?

Well, I spoke to her on MSN last night, and when I asked her about how she felt, she just got SOOO defensive and tried to evade the issue by saying she was too busy to talk. She then said "can we talk about something happy for a change" and accused me of pestering her. I said "ok" so she spoke about my trip to see her AND the presents I was going to bring for her and her family. Funny, as soon as the disussion changed to presents, her workload mysteriously disappeared and she kept pestering me to tell her what I was going to bring her. Why is she SOOOO evasive about my feelings ? I just don't get it.

That's what it sounds like, and the worst thing is, its the not knowing. The thing is, it was her idea for me to come in February and when we 1st met online away back in June, we spoke all the time about me visiting her, so it wasn't like it was a sudden idea. Also, when I met her online, I let her "control" the relationship. I wated for her to ask me for my cellphone number (which she did do). I waited for her to tell me she loved me before I told her, so I know for sure that I havn't pushed her or gone too fast. We haven't even spoken about sex or anything so its not like she thinks I just want her for that "one thing". I'm temped to send a message to her best friend to find out if she knows anything....if her friend speaks to her, it may make her realise that I'm a wrek here.

She is GORGEOUS and she knows she is, so she isn't worried about her looks. She PLANNED and WANTED to meet me, telling me for months that she wanted me to come and see her. in her own words, "we spoke about your visit for ages now so I want to meet you". All was PERFECT until 2 weeks ago when this "attitude" of hers began