vanbutterfly

I found a forum with Russian women, and read about Russian men, and I really wish I read them before I decided to be with my partner. I would not have listened of course and would have thought that this one will be fine..but anyway.. My parents say exactly the same thing...if I get back with him, and he brings his parents here, then I am in big trouble. I would have to clean after all of them, and cook for all of them while STILL knowing that I am nothing to him compared to them. I can't wait until more time passes and everything is ok.. Thank you so much for all your posts!

It depends on what you need, and what you want, and what you think you will get out of moving more in depth in your relationship. I know people that were together for 10 years and later they got married and had kids. Why they waited, I don't know.. Then there are people that want to get married..and that is it. Doesn't matter with who. I was with my boyfriend from 17 for about 6 years, and he asked me to marry him. I said no. He got married 9 months later to someone at work. He felt he was getting old (he was 29). Also, remember you are 22. You are young...are you worried that he will never commit, or worried that it will take too long to commit with him? If he DOES talk about the future together, then that is something!! (my last ex didn't and claimed he couldn't plan because he didn't know what would happen - of course as soon as his mum came here from overseas for a holiday, he broke up with me and moved in with her.. lovely.) There is no rush. I think as soon as people get older, they want to get married faster. I wanted my boyfriend to propose within 2 years of now. I didn't want to bother with him if he wasn't serious - but that is just my opinion, and I am 27..not 22.

I noticed the first time I posted, and we broke up exactly one year on. We were planning for his mum to come here from Russia. _I_ was more excited than he was. I wanted to buy a bed for her..he said no..and that she could sleep on the couch. I didn't understand this. He won't cook for her. _I_ had to. I don't understand this..this is HIS mum. Anyway,..we argued because of this. When his mum finally came, my partner took a holiday to spend time with his mum. This is what happened: - For over a month he was at home with his mum and he never cooked me anything for when I got home, but expected me to get home and cook for him - His mother didn't help out with anything (fair enough, she is the guest) - I cleaned the place up after both of them, and got angry at him for keeping it messy. He blamed me for getting angry at him. The last thing I need it to clean up after BOTh of them. - His mum just wanted to go shopping and buy clothes and makeup. I kept asking them "what about her husband"..neither of them cared to buy him anything. Ok, this is my issue - taking responsibility of their issues (not caring about her husband), but this annoyed me so much - His mum critisised the girls here at the gym, saying how the girls in Russia are tough, and she made fun of the gym class we went to. She had trouble with weights, and lied and said she didn't. My partner believed her and called me a liar. I was speachless... - He listens to his mum regardling what clothes to buy . My opinion is nothing. - Hi mother said that I SHOULD NEVER EVER cry in front of him. "He doesn't like to see anyone cry, and you should go in your room if you ned to cry"..I was speechless. - This one is my favourite: "If you go to a psychologist or doctor and get tablets (to calm my nerves), everything will be alright... He left me as soon as his mum came here and we argued. They both accused me of causing scandles (when I said she had trouble at the gym after she made fun of it all). I feel so angry.. I just wish this would end.. My father said that he will run back to me after his mum goes back to Russia. I hope so..but I wish too that I could move on and not care.

Thanks for your replies! It's his opinion as well that it doesn't help the situation to tell the person that you cheated if you cheat, but what I wanted from him is to tell me BEFORE he wants to cheat, or when he even feels the need to..so I can leave before it happens. Things always seem to come out in the end, and if I had a choice to know if he cheated BEFORE he did it, after he did it, or years after, then I choose before. And about the 'never' case - the truth hurts, but I would prefer the truth. I don't want to raise my kid with a bastard that cheated on me - with me living with him like an idiot. I guess what I wanted to hear from him initially is not that he would never cheat on me (because who knows what could happen), but that if he wasn't happy, and that he wanted to get involved with someone else... to let me know so I can leave. He has an aunt with kids that stays married to her husband that constantly cheats - and he thinks it's ok because she doesn't make him happy. He really wants a russian female with values such as honour the husband and let him make decisions in most cases. He feels suppressed by me because I can live my life making decisions.

My partner told me that if we were married, and we had a kid - if he cheated on me, there is no way he would tell me ever. Maybe I am living in a fairy land, but what happened to plain old honesty. If he cheats, that is his decision, and he can do it, but I want to know why can't he tell me and be honest so I can leave him - or even decide what to do. He also thinks that there is kind of nothing wrong with cheating in a relationship, and that it is the same as me not respecting him in other ways (like telling him what to do, not cooking for him all the time, not looking after him..etc). I am glad he told me now before I have a kid, and before I am married, but I feel like crap right now still. We are both 27 and I've known him for 4 years. He moved hear from Russia a year ago to be with me and now we aren't really happy. We get along fine, but we have fundamental issues - i.e I'm not really what he wants because I don't honour him and make him feel loved by doing all for him .

No. I think she needs to be left alone right now. Give her the space and time to do what she needs to do (be alone, just be with her friends, etc..). She broke up with you because she felt a need to, so chasing after her will just make her run further (and will make you feel worse). She will contact you when she is ready. You were together for quite some time, so she will miss you 500%. Let her go and she will contact you herself. I promise! I used to think (after I broke up with my ex of 6 years) that I needed to get him back quickly (by the way, I broke up with him first, and then wanted him back badly after about 2 months). But here we are, not together about 4 years after the break up, and I wonder what that rush was for. If it took 3 months, 1 year..so what. You can't rush things, and you can only chase people away. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she'll come back.. If you need to talk to her so bad, try and just write her a letter..and then throw it away. Please give her time..

Sometime I wonder about how my ex is, and what he is doing, what he is thinking, and what he thought about the years that we were together. I broke up with my first love ~4.5 years ago. It's been nearly 10 years since I first fell in love with him and I still feel that he is a part of me (I'm 27 now, he's 32). I meet people sometimes (at work for example) that have similar traits to him (like his gorgeous eyes) and I feel kind of sad because it reminds me of him. I know I deserve all this because he wanted to be with me and marry me, and I was the one who broke up with him in the first place. He didn't want me back after I went crawling back after a few months. (serves me right). Sometimes I feel like calling him and saying hi..hoping that he will be single. He got married about 9 months after we broke up. Does anyone have any advice about contacting their ex and if it really is a good idea at all? I don't want to bother him in his life now which is why I don't call him now. I am in a relationship at the moment (figure... the guy I left my ex for..) and I can't believe how I can still love my ex so much after so many years. Does it go after a few more years, or do you just accept it? I don't feel desparate to call him. It's just a thought I get every now and again. I don't know what to expect in our conversation anyway. I think maybe I just want to hear his voice and get a nice feeling.. but it really isn't worth it to disturb someone's life for that. Any thoughts appreciated!

Thanks for the reply! He definitely does have a one-way mind. Just half an hour ago he told me that there is no point in me getting piano lessons because I would not be any good in it and I am too old to play (26). I don't want to be a 'champion'. I just want to learn something new. I don't know why he doesn't encourage me. He started swimming and likes to brag when he swims well in training, and I don't discourage him at all. I know he can't be some champion, but it doesn't matter. Why can't he understand? Why does he have to be so discouraging? And I am curious when he will change, and what will make him change. It doesn't help too that a guy I know got an 'order bride' from Ukraine, and she does all the cooking and cleaning.. etc (Note: She doesn't work at all so has all the time in the world, and they have no kids), and I am sure this is what he wants. It's so depressing. The worst thing of all this, is that I am sure that I will be the one who misses him, and he won't give a damn and will just find someone else. He tells me that he is sure that there is someone better than me out there for him, because I am not perfect and he is sure there is someone else that he can be with that he has no arguments with.

My partner has parents that do not follow the traditional role. This is ironic considering they both live in Russia. His father cooks, cleans, and works. My partner and I met over 3 years ago and my partner migrated to Australia to be with me. It turns out that he will not marry me unless I cook, clean, and wash for him. I was brought up in a family where my mother took on a traditional role, and I choose to not. I love my partner very much, but I don't think I can take on that traditional role. I am the major income earner between the two of us, and I can't imagine living on one income. We don't even have a home and I have no idea how he thinks we would be able to get one on one income. I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. My mother says that he will change later on, but I don't want to wait so long, and I don't think he will. My partner will only wash the dishes about 3 times a week. He will not wash or do anything else. I don't mind doing the washing, but he won't help at all and claims he doesn't know how to wash (clothes) to be able to help. I offer to show him, but he isn't interested. Sometimes I feel like he will find another Russian traditional girl and leave me as soon as he finds one. If that is what he wants, I guess I should accept it, but I would feel angry that he moved to Australia(only possible with my money and help) because Russia is worse, and that he has nothing to lose. He is Orthodox and he says that all other religions are sects, and that there is still hope for me (to convert me). I was brought up Catholic, but do not follow it. He needs to be the best in all, and he never respects anything I say. If I debate him on anything, he never believes or considers my view, and will only consider himself wrong if someone else confirms my view. He thinks that our education system is terrible compared to the Russian system , and thereforeeee my views are worth less since I would know less. That might be true, but I am getting tired of all this, and I feel hopeless. Truth is, I am more independent in life than he will ever be. I make things happen and I am willing to do what is needed to make it happen. He would have never left Russia if it wasn't me doing all the paperwork. I knew I could get it all done in a fraction of the time, so I did it. If he looks at another girl, and I get angry, he says that he can look at whoever he wants. Any comments or experience from others would be much appreciated!!

In brief : We got together when I was 17, he was 23. First lovers, first everything basically. We were together for 5 years. He was everything to me, but I wanted to be with him more than he wanted to be with me. We lived together for In the last year we were on and off, my decision. I wasn't happy. When I started working I met people who were more like me. Last year I broke it off with him finally, and moved out (I met another guy). My ex started a relationship with the receptionist at his work, and got engaged to her 9 months later. He gets married to her in SEP this year. I wanted to get back with him after I moved out, and he said no. (serves me right, i know). Why on earth do I still miss him and get upset over him. Shouldn't I be over him(to the extend that I don't cry anymore whenever I think about him)? I just don't understand how he can be so happy to get engaged with some girl that cheated on her fiance with my ex. And I don't even know why I even care.(Apart from the fact that I love him still, and probably always will unfortunately).