LootieTootie

I'm sorry... But your history is your history! This happened almost 10 years ago... I dont think you need to worry about your ex or look for another job. The bigger issue here tho is your husband. He sounds like he is punishing you for something you did when you were young and dumb...If he cared so much about your faithfulness history, maybe he shouldn't have married you in the first place. Me thinks your husband is abusive and your fear should be anger. Please set yourself free and stop letting these people in your life punish you by speaking up and tell people you arent sorry for what happened 10 years ago because you did your time.

If you both have been arguing about this for a year and both or one of you is still holding this as "unforgivable" ... then I'm sad to be the bearer of bad news, but this relationship is doomed.

It's always good to state what your intentions are... So if that means for you "I don't want to keep chatting and not meeting/dating" then please directly tell her that. Honest/direct and open communication is the best route. Once you both communicate your intentions, you should have a better idea how much you're willing to give and how much she's willing to give and decide from there.

A foundation for a loving and strong relationship is built on emotional vulnerability and if this man was never able to lay his heart out to you, then please accept that this man wasn't for you...regardleess if he "such a good guy" - I dated a lot of good guys but if I am not feeling this deep emotional connection to them, its hard to be in love with them. I feel in love twice and it was with my first love and my husband who I can connect with because of the chemistry and talking about each other's emotions was effortless. When someone is guarded, that just means they arent wanting and willing to open up to you and the last thing you should do is push them to be. That just pushes them away. And when he finally communicated it, believe it. That is why he broke up and moved out, and found his own place. For an ex to move out and find their own place... that is a picture that says "I'm out, I'm done." I am sorry you're hurting but I think space from him, you see that you both were never on the same page. I think you might blame some of this breakup to stress from fertility issues, but you ignored that you both were not compatible. May have had some good moments, but what really defines a strong and compatible relationship is when that relationship goes thru trying/hard times.

Can you provide more context about your background with this guy then? Did he ever mentioned wanting to be more than a fu(k buddy to you? Did he ever show that he wanted that? Did you ever tell him you wanted more? It's hard to really say without much info.

If this is that same guy u wrote about last time? If yes, please come clean and be honest with yourself and us, what is your motive with this guy?

I think there is grieving and there is this reliving the past. Can you do both? Sure. But I think when you do way too much of the latter then you arent really trying to move on. In order to heal, you gotta move on. What do you do to preoccupy your time? Do you have hobbies? Do you have someone you can call and just chat?

Go on the trip by yourself if you have no one. You might meet some interesting people or might actually enjoy the trip 🙂 I am going to be neutral here even tho I think your friend is a bit hardheaded, I think this is part of growing pains. You both are young and even tho you both been friends for a long time, doesn't mean you both were ever a good fit as friends who hung out a lot. I also think that for most people, some of their personality traits only get more dominant as they got older, and sometimes the other party can get tired of it (which was your case). You did fine. Your friend will be fine. Hopefully you both stay civil and say hi, and if she doesn't later when you see her, that just tells you- she hasn't grown up.

Why would you ever think about the possibility of a FWB becoming serious and actually moving to be with him???? Is it because you have some emotional attachment to him? You are setting yourself up for biiiiig disappointment. It wasn't long ago you were saying he treats you like crap, ignored you and yet, you couldn't stop wondering why and kept looking at his pictures. I still stand by what I originally wrote... that if you are emotionally invested in someone, it's best not to be in a situationship or FWB with them. You will always be his fck buddy and an afterthought. Ask yourself, is that what you want out of this? Or do you want? Because if you want more, this isn't good for your sanity and self-esteem.

OH no hun... This man does not respect you nor does he value you. Take this as a blessing in disguise that he is doing you a huge favor. Giving you that space to realized what a gaslighting jerk he is and what little self-esteem you have. You have a 16 year old daughter, so this is a time where she is picking up how a man treats a woman. Do not let this be okay. Show your daughter that a woman should be treated with mutual respect, support and love by their counterpart. I hope you guys weren't arguing in front of the kids but if you were, I would talk to the kids and let them know this isn't right when someone tells another to shut up or when someone is crying. It's demeaning and hurtful. No one deserves that.

Time to move out. Back in my young days, I only got along with one roommate and even then I struggled because of one particular thing she did.

When you start getting way too emotionally invested in a FWB, you need to leave the situation ship for your own sanity and emotional wellbeing. If you were married to your husband for 26 years, that means this was like 20+ years ago when you were in college and in your prime. Also in college, theres no shortage of horn dogs so its not hard to get laid. I just feel like you're making excuses for this FWB. He isn't in to you like you are in to him. Thats ok. Just means if you want a relationship and not a situationship, this isn't the guy you want to emotionally invest in or put any effort in to. You need to be directing your energy somewhere else that is worthy of your time.

Wanting to watch someone run is not love, man. Also it appears that when the guy couldn't make it into town, she probably thought "oh inlove wants me more! he wins this round" - this - everything about it, is not love from her. It's an ego trip for her. I'm sorry you're not thinking straight and you might just be a hopeless romantic but this chick is just using you for her own ego trip. I still stand by what I said... there are people who love being fought over. It makes them feel desirable and validates them because underneath it all, they are insecure and troubled. If I was in your shoes, I would really ask myself if everything she has put me thru is love? Once you know your answer, hopefully you can accept it and either decide to start fresh with her and kick her to the curb.

Sounds like he does a lot of gaslighting but it also sounds like you guys aren't listening to each other. He is clearly telling you that you guys arent bf/gf and you're saying "we are" and he's saying he doesn't love you and you're hurt about it because you think he should be by now?? Clearly you both are not on the same page because you both aren't communicating properly. If someone tells you "no we arent bf and gf" then believe them when they say it. To not believe it, is to be disrespectful and in denial. Which doesn't serve anyone, especially this relationship. I'm not sure how old you both are, but you both sound pretty young.

I'm sorry you had to see that but I truly believe that when someone shows us who they really are, you believe it and you don't look back. There's no point of asking whys/ifs because in the end, it doesn't matter. You can't change the past and you can't change someone. All you can do is focus on you and your wellbeing. Please don't let a miserable person tarnish who you are and your choices. This person should have no control of you.