When Fatal Attraction in Relationships Becomes a Reality

We've all heard the stories of Fatal Attraction - where there is an instant and passionate connection, yet it quickly spirals out of control and becomes dangerous. While parts of these tales are usually exaggerated, there is some truth to the idea that a seemingly innocent attraction can quickly become an all-consuming and potentially life-threatening force.

It all begins very innocently - sparks fly, hearts flutter and passions ignite. We may believe that this person offers us something we've been desperately seeking for so long and, for the first time ever, we feel beautiful, desired and powerful. But what begins as joyous bliss can turn into paranoia, anger and eventually paralyzing fear.

A disastrous relationship will cause irreversible damage if both people do not seek help in order to make it right again. A pattern of possessive behavior, manipulation and domination often occur in such encounters and can swiftly turn dark, especially if one partner refuses to acknowledge their controlling behavior and take responsibility for their own part in the exchange. With no outlet to express their feelings or have their voices heard, feelings of intense envy, dominance and possessiveness manifest and can lead to unthinkable acts like physical violence or dramatic broken trust.

Unfortunately, too many people stay in a situation like this for far too long before reaching out for help. Perhaps it's because their sense of safety has been completely diminished, or the guilt from the money, power or other resources abused has prevented them from leaving.

What are the signs that a relationship may have gone too far? If one or both partners experience any of the following, they may be in a fatal attraction:

• Extreme jealousy over friends or family

• Frequent accusations or suspicions without evidence that the other is unfaithful

• An obsession with spending every minute together

• Compulsive possessiveness of possessions or money

• Refusal to accept "no" or to respect boundaries

• Extreme demands to do things against one's will

• Insensitive comments about appearance or lifestyle

• Outbursts of rage when challenged or questioned

• Refusing to accept responsibility for actions or feelings

• Unwarranted threats of violence

If these signs are present in an intimate relationship it may be time to consider seeking professional help as soon as possible. The effects of this kind of relationship can be devastating - leaving both parties feeling broken and betrayed. It takes strength and effort to make an effort to escape this downward spiral, but it is not impossible. Passions flare then subside in the end.

The first step is recognizing that help is needed and making the conscious decision to find a counselor who can help identify and work through the underlying issues separating the partners. Seeking support from trusted friends and family can also help make this difficult process easier. Both parties should be willing to open up and work hard on improving communication skills and reestablishing trust. Through gradual awareness of thought patterns and behaviors each partner can move towards healthy boundaries and begin rebuilding their relationship.

Learning healthier ways of expressing yourself is vital - speaking honestly without attacking, hinting, pouting or shutting down. Keeping healthy lines of communication open is essential to prevent hostile discord or criticism. It is important to remember that no matter how intense an attraction is – even a fatal attraction – it can be repaired with patience and willingness to try new coping techniques. Ultimately both people must be committed to being engaged and open to conversations regarding expectations and desires.

Fatal attractions can leave a person with deep wounds but healing is possible. Learning about one's own triggers, needs and motivations as well as forging a stronger connection with oneself rather than expecting somebody else to fix everything can also help move through and past the tragedy that a fatal relationship can cause. Awareness is key. For those stuck in this kind of dynamic know that you are not alone and that no matter how dire your situation appears, you have within you the tools needed to make a change.