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  • Olivia Sanders
    Olivia Sanders

    Should I Break Up With Her? If So, How?

    The worst kind of pain is the kind that lives inside you, growing and festering until you don’t even recognize it. It’s the slow slide towards breaking up but not knowing when or how to go through with it. It’s the uncertainty that almost screams at you, even when silence fills the room.

    Breaking up with someone is never easy, and you are certainly feeling your own doubts and fears Take it from someone who has gone through it. It transports you to a place where sometimes you don’t know which way is up, or which decision is right.

    When you have made the conscious choice to end a relationship, but don't know how to make it happen, listen to your gut instinct and assess the situation. Ask yourself why you wanted to break up in the first place—what you were lacking, what were the deal-breakers, why the relationship isn't working—and let those facts guide your decisions.

    Trust your heart, even when it is telling you something you don’t want to hear. It is better to be honest, even if that integrity brings hurt, than to remain in a broken relationship that simply isn’t all that it should be.

    Let yourself feel whatever emotions are rising inside. These strong emotions are normal, and in some ways healthy. Don’t try to bottle them up, pretend they aren’t there, or sweep them aside. Acknowledge and feel them, because it will help you to heal.

    But withholding the truth can create an implicit lie, one that can eventually poison any kind of trust in the relationship. It is better in the long run to tell your partner exactly what is happening and why, even though it might hurt. Honesty is always the best policy!

    It is important to remain clear when communicating your feelings or distancing yourself emotionally. Rather than confronting your partner and accusing them of things, talk about your experience and focus on actions. Express that you understand why the relationship is not working for you.

    Although it might be hard to kick off the conversation, it is important to bring your concerns to light because sticking it out in a broken relationship can further damage both partners. Let your partner help to rebuild whatever you were lacking before, be it trust and security.

    No matter how hard it gets, try to stay focused on the goal of helping both of you to get out of a situation that no longer works for either of you. It’s okay that this might take some time, just don’t drag it out too long. As soon as you've got clarity and you both acknowledge that the relationship isn’t going to continue any further heads up the better.

    Raise the difficult subjects. Have tough conversations. Get everything out into the open. You don’t have to compare each other; remember what you value(d) in each other in the past and resist the temptation to attack.

    Be always kind, it is not a competition of who is right or wrong or better. You’re both still in it together, so respect each other.

    Breakups are usually experienced as ongoing processes: meaning that they periodically resurface during different life events, such as graduation, holidays, or even a difficult break. Take it one step at a time, at your own pace.

    In the end, it does not matter how perfect the timing of your breakup is--or how many words you use to explain it. It is always going to be hard. But understanding why you are breaking up and allowing yourself to be honest about it can help both parties process the emotions and let go of the relationship in a more powerful and constructive way.

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