How Can I Rebuild Lost Trust?

Dear eNotAlone: I feel like my trust is constantly being tested and used against me. It seemed like I had it all figured out— I trusted my partner, my friends, and even myself. But overtime, new doubts started to creep up. I began to question whether the trust I put in people was actually doing me any good. I'm starting to feel like the more trust I give, the more it's taken from me without anything given in return. It's got to the point where I'm constantly on edge and worried that I'll get hurt or taken advantage of. I'm not sure how to handle this and would really appreciate any suggestions you can offer.

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It is understandable why you feel your trust has been abused and put to the test. When we put our faith in others and hope for the best, it can be incredibly difficult when the result is not what we wanted. Having said that, trusting those around you is an important part of life, and you should not let the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of hold you back. Building trust begins with yourself, and you should take steps to practice self-trust and build healthy boundaries with those around you.

To establish boundaries, take time to reflect on what kind of respect and trust you do and don't want to give. List out the expectations you have for those you are coming into contact with, whether it's a friend, family member, or intimate partner. Decide on the type of commitment and loyalty you expect and be clear about how you will respond to violations or betrayals. This is a good practice regardless of any potential issues – being clear on our expectations allows us to be assertive and hopefully maintain healthier relationships.

Protecting your capacity to trust and take risks is also important — don't let past disappointments discourage you from trying again. If a person has violated your trust in the past, there is no reason why you should not be able to find someone capable of treating you right. Also recognize that you cannot rely on others alone to provide security. The best way to protect yourself is to consider all the factors and trust your judgment. Make sure your decisions are based on well-researched facts, realistic expectations, and open dialogue.

It comes down to understanding that you can never guarantee that someone will never hurt you. Trusting people takes courage, but it is also rewarding and essential for strong relationships. Do your best to stay true to your core values, approach every situation and relationship with care and caution, and trust your instincts.