Exploring How Empathy Determines the Type of Partner We Choose

We all know that when choosing a mate, it's essential to find someone who is compatible with our wants, needs, and desires. But, while this is the foundations of any successful relationship, what few of us really factor in is empathy—the skill of understanding and sharing others' feelings. Looking more closely at how our level of empathy impacts our choice in partners, can help us determine the type of mate we select and how likely it is for the partnership to form into something meaningful.

It stands to reason that empathy as an emotional tool has a place in the romantic arenas of our lives. Our level of empathy affects how we relate to our partners, what we can provide from a emotional standpoint and how well we can connect both on an intellectual and physical basis. In many ways, empathy is like a bridge that two people must cross in order for their romance to thrive and prosper. To do this, we must first assess ourselves to understand how our emotions affect our decision-making when it comes to love and start positioning ourselves to attract someone with whom we mesh on a deeper level.

Those with a high degree of empathy will often look at partners who complement their own need for compassion and understanding. By exercising their empathetic muscles, they will look for mates who also have a deep capacity for understanding emotions, without taking advantage of the vulnerability that comes with opening up. This kind of partner will be understanding of their partner's feelings and won't selfishly take without giving back.

On the other end of the spectrum those with low empathy seek out the types of relationships that will be the most beneficial to them, ensuring high reward and low risk. A relationship with someone who is overly emotional or need companion who can provide lots of warmth, kindness, or a big helping hands may see these folks as too much effort and opt for someone who is much easier to please.

At an instinctive level, many people simply react to the attractive fireflies that go zipping by and never bother to dig any deeper—which is not to say that these romances are doomed. In fact, who we are naturally attracted to may be completely valid and good, but there is so much more to consider and uncover when searching for a soulmate. This is where we, as individuals, can exercise our own levels of empathy and ask ourselves not just what we want from a relationship but what can I offer? What kind of qualities does my partner need and am I willing to meet those needs?

The next step, which often seems to be the hardest, is actually taking the time to study and assess our prospects. Evaluating how a potential partner treats us and other people goes a long way in deciphering how deeply compassion runs within them—is their behavior nice, humble, generous, and kind? If we are honest with ourselves in our search for love, chances are we will ultimately be rewarded.

With all this said, new relationships— regardless of how passionately starry-eyed and promising they seem— should not be rushed into. Having the ability to comparatively assess the potential risks and rewards of a courtship takes (you guessed it) empathy! Even if you have identified someone you are "madly in love" with, this type of responsibility requires patience, wisdom, and preserving as much objectivity as possible. Delaying gratification in such matters isn't always easy, but it will save us time, energy, and tears in the grand scheme of things.

Further nurturing our innate gifts of empathy and understanding—and employing them during the sometimes arduous process of finding love—will only increase the odds of selecting a viable and compatible mate. Taking the necessary steps to nurture ourselves gives us the knowledge and confidence to make impartial decisions, leave behind those relationships that don't nourish us, and settle on ones that make us feel as safe and secure as we do when held in the arms of empathy.