Closing the Payment Gap in Dating

Should Men Pay for Women’s Transportation When They Ask Them Out on a Date?

When it comes to dating and relationships, concerns about gender and money come to the fore. This has been the case since time immemorial, but how this balance of power plays out is continually shifting.

The traditional expectation has long been that men should pay for a date — particularly if they asked the woman out. But with increasing gender equality and women’s rising economic power, a simple matter like who pays for a date has also become a complicated issue. Some argue that it’s still appropriate for men to foot the bill entirely or at least to split it down the middle. Others assert that these should be shared costs.

The debate around who pays for a first date can be recursive. An old-fashioned man who feels he must pay for a woman’s dinner will likely feel obligated to ask out women, which has connotations of an unequal relationship dynamic. But if the woman initiates, she may be called out for her boldness or seen as “desperate.” In either situation, there’s uncomfortable power imbalance.

It’s important to consider not only the cost of a date — dinner, drinks, movie tickets — but also how couples get to the date. It’s usually expected that when men ask women out, they cover transportation costs as well. This can pose a financial burden, given the fact that taxi rides, Ubers, and other rideshare services can be expensive.

A lot of the pressure can depend on the particular couple and how they interact. For example, some men may consider that it’s only polite for them to pick up their dates and take them home afterward, while others may choose to handle it in a more egalitarian fashion.

The issue of who pays is often bound up with changing gender roles in society. In many societies, economic and cultural power is still unevenly distributed along gender lines. The continued expectation that men should pay for dates is a byproduct not just of traditional beliefs about gender roles and responsibility, but also of financial imbalances.

In the end, individuals and couples should come to their own conclusions about who should pay for a date. A solution involving far more than just sex-based roles might include each person paying for what they order, older individuals helping younger ones out, and people being generous and thoughtful in how they use their resources.

Unraveling traditional expectations and having conversations about money (and all the power dynamics associated with it) makes things complicated, but it can lead to stronger, healthier relationships. Regardless of whether he or she pays for the date, a great one may ultimately be priceless.