Clinging to Fear Leaves You Closer to Emptiness: Healing Yourself After Falling in Love With a Friend

Falling in love with your friend is a vulnerable situation. After all, friends know us best and, due to the level of comfort established between you both, the relationship can slide into a more intimate direction with ease. But boiling emotions can cause anxiety and lead to burning questions like “what if I get hurt?”. Your heart feels courageous and free and scared all at the same time – it’s a wild ride with no clear destination in sight.

The truth is, you can't predict what will happen when romantic feelings blossom between two people. Unfortunately, there's no accurate guidebook for navigating this frequent, confusing human experience. Wonder, second-guessing and uncertainty are normal – yet difficult to handle – emotions. It can be tempting to avoid taking a risk out of fear of getting hurt, but that would leave you in an even worse position. By waiting, by clinging to the fear, you are inadvertently limiting the chances of connecting deep with someone and instead throwing yourself closer to loneliness and emptiness.

One way to cope with the feelings generated by this overwhelming situation is to go inward and pay attention to the conversations you have with yourself. It’s important to recognize how your thoughts shape your reality. Many of us are trapped in unhealthy mental loops set to pessimism mode and reticent to positive change. Consequently, the longer we entertain these toxic beliefs, the weaker our decision-making capacity becomes. When we take the time to analyze and evaluate our inner dialogue, however, we can create alternative perspectives and make better decisions. Even though it can be hard, don’t be afraid to challenge yourself by asking tough questions, such as “How can I turn this situation into a positive transformative experience for myself?”.

It also helps to remember that, although humans rely deeply on relationships and connections with others, our identities should not depend solely on them. The relationships we establish can provide valuable warmth, understanding and comfort; however, it's important to remain true to ourselves and keep our sense of self intact. There’s nothing wrong with relying on people to help us make sense of things or shoulder the burden of sadness when necessary, but it's equally important to accept full responsibility for the person we become in the process.

Furthermore, focusing on building tenderness toward yourself—rather than for someone else—is essential. Deepening personal relationships can offer a sense of belonging and connection, which helps in facing life’s struggles with courage and resilience. To achieve this we must be patient with ourselves and eager to forgive mistakes, as no one is perfect. Nurturing self-compassion can help you move forward as you undertake the challenge of accepting who you are and where you are right now. Self-love has the same base of compassion that we extend to our loved ones, but its soil needs to be tended to daily and nurtured through various paths of learning, practicing and discovering the many aspects that characterize us as unique individuals.

Falling in love with a friend can be a powerful journey full of highs and lows. At times, it can feel like riding a rollercoaster. Fear and anxiety can stop you from embracing the adventure and trusting that everything will fall into place as it should. Allowing yourself to consider the possibility of something new, allowing yourself to take risks, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to fill the emptiness–this is the key to healing.

It comes down to deciding what kind of joy you want in your life. Taking blind leaps of love with someone you care about may hurt; it may also bring beautiful and meaningful moments. Authenticity and growth come from living with an open heart, but only if you are willing to push back the dark veil of fear to see what lies beyond.

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