Understanding the Milestones of Friends With Kids

As adults, most of us feel as if our lives are defined by the milestones we hit. High school sweethearts, college graduations and weddings take center stage in our social life, but for most of us, children are the biggest and proudest accomplishments we can claim.

For many friends from college, the conversation naturally gravitates toward their kids. But what happens when one of your party isn’t part of that scene?

For any person without children it can be a difficult situation, particularly when everyone else talks about parenting tips and new milestones hit by their children. It can feel exclusionary, frustrating and even depressing.

If you’re the one without kids in the group, it can be tempting to blow off the conversations. After all, why join in on something that constantly reminds you that you’re not where your friends are in life? But there is still a way to navigate these conversations and salvage relationships with your closest friends.

First and foremost, be honest with yourself and the group. Acknowledge that its hard to join conversations that talk about this particular milestone in life, particularly if the topic drifts away from you. Ask that your friends try to be more mindful and understanding – but don’t be mad at them for celebrating their successes.

Some friends may not understand your feelings and might mistakenly think that you are upset with them because they have achieved this milestone. Reassure them that this isn’t the case. You simply need time to adjust to being around friends that may have different life circumstances.

Additionally, set clear boundaries with your friends if you need some space. Ask them if they would mind putting the conversation on hold in certain situations. At this specific moment, it may be helpful to take some time for yourself.

Though it is difficult to be around such conversations, try to focus outward and be genuinely interested in what your friends are saying about their kids. Avoid coming across as though you are judging them, as that could result in a tense atmosphere. Being a good listener and entering the conversation with an open mind will likely lead to further appreciation and build healthier bonds.

Even though you do not share a common denominator with your friends from college, try to celebrate their accomplishments. Don’t let envy take over and remember that there are many other milestones life throws your way. It may not seem like it right now, but eventually you will get to the place you want to be and there’s no need to pressure yourself.