In need of advice about my family . Am I in the wrong ?

[Tiffany1981]

 

My 63 year old mother is now cursing me out for no reason and wants nothing to do with me all because she can’t have her way with my money . Just to give a little context my mother is 63 years old, she shares a home in Houston with my youngest sister who is 30 years old . For the last several years , my youngest sister and mother have lived together dispite not being able to get along civally . In the past , whenever either one of them was in a tight spot and needed help . I would help . I have helped with everything helping them avoid homelessness by helping pay electric bills , past rent bills  when my mother hours was reduced . They eventually ended up getting evicted  from there last apartment ,which I gave to them , when they came to live with me back in 2014, they both ended up living a shelter and I had them come stay with me . After a year , I ended up moving out of state and leaving them my apartment which they kept up until 2023 , where they both got evicted for non payment ,so They both became homeless , I stepped in and helped because my youngest sister who was working at the time did not have enough money to help with an hotel and my mother hours were reduced  . So I found this rental house , and loaned them the 1500.00 dollars needed  to get the house. And while the house was being prepped , I helped pay for her and my sister an airbnb for a month while the house was getting ready , sent them money for food and transportation this all was happening while I was married , so of course at the time , I  had more free money at the time . Then a month later , my brother and his baby mama was getting into it , so he became homeless and left Kansas City to move to Houston to move in with my mother and sister . Once he moved in , every day , my mother is calling me complaining about my brother not helping out , not cleaning up behind himself , cursing him out , arguments daily , so she put him out a week later in the middle of a Texas summer . With literally has nowhere to go . So to help him out , I paid for him an airbnb for two months , sent him money for food and gas while he tries to look for work . Paid for his car to get fixed He eventually moved back to Kansas City with his baby mamba a few months later . Now, once my brother leaves , my youngest sister decides to quit her job “due to her back issues” . She quits her job and decides she doesn’t want to work for a while . In the meantime She applies for unemployment , they deny her for about a month , so during this time I am helping her pay her portion of the rent , sending her money for food and gas , helping her with her resume etc . She eventually gets approved for unemployment , during this time , she looses her car due to not paying her car note , on top of that my mother and her are arguing every day over food , money , bills . Since my sister quit her job , my mother has had to pay the majority of the bills and so they are arguing every day over bills, food , her laziness and unwillingness to try and find a job , hygiene issues , etc , the list goes on . This morning around 3:09 am ,, my mother calls me crying hysterically telling me she and my sister were arguing and fighting because my sister did refuses to help clean and she went crazy and broke up things in the house. Now keep in mind they have been living together for the past 10 years , and they have had several arguments and fights to where they have broken up furniture , actually put hands on each other , called the police and tried to have each other arrested . So when I got this call , I just figured it was another argument . My mother is crying and begging me to let my sister come stay with me or pay for her an hotel , because my sister threatened her . I told her I cannot financially help as I just got out of a divorce and have my own bills . Plus I am really tired of everyone asking for me for money all the time !! . I am sick of it . I advise my mother to just evict my sister out the legall way and just leave her be until either she can evict my sister or move out herself . She gets mad at me and curses me out and tells me she never wants to talk to me again in life . I am literally heartbroken . I have been there for her and everyone else in every way possible and she had the audacity to be upset with me just because I won’t take my sister in or put her up in a hotel or arbnb . I literally am just appalled right now .

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Is your mother eligible for social security? Can your sister go to social services for food stamps, Medicaid, housing assistance and employment assistance and training?

There's no reason they can't take care of themselves if they are eligible for appropriate assistance and there's no need to enable them or send them money. They can look at the services available to them and go to the local office or apply online.

Send them the links to social security for your mother and social services for your sister. Does your mother have healthcare?  Does she have signs of cognitive decline,? Does your sister need to take care of her? 

Please stop enabling this triangulation and letting your mother put you in the middle of this. Simply send them the links and wash your hands and let them resolve their own issues. 

[ShySoul]

It is honerable and noble that you care for your family to the degree you seem to. However, the problem with being the reliable one that everyone turns to is that they will always turn to you. You have unfortunately been saddled with people who would rather complain about things and depend on you then take the steps they need to do care for themselves. It's not your fault. They are the ones who refuse to take care of themseles. You are not responsible for them or their actions. And you have ever right to be fustrated with them. The only thing you are guilty of is having a big heart and wanting to help your family.

At this point, your mother would be better off on her own, away from your sister. That arrangement has long been passed the expiration point and you can't be the one to  always resolve things. Your sister is an adult who should be able to take care of herself or live with the consequences of her decisions. 

Does your mother get social security? My mother is in her late 60s and relatives just helped her to find a senior living center that was income based and thus cheaper. Perhaps there is something similar in the area? It might also be good for her to be around people her age, people she is more likely to relate to and who probably won't come with all the issues and baggage your sister seems to carry.

 

[TeeDee]

At 63 your mother is eligible for social security.  Get her on it.  www.ssa.gov 

If your sister has back problems from her job send her to a lawyer to find out if she can claim workers' compensation benefits or if she is eligible for social security disability benefits.  

At some point you do get to stop being the family ATM.   Ask your brother to help you support mom & sister.  

[Kwothe28]

They are not your responsibility. You have your own problems and dont need to take care of theirs too. I would understand if they need your help financially or otherwise(that from some reason they cant work or if they are ill) but they seem perfectly fine. Just got used to you bailing them out when they are in need. Your mother can apply for some programs if she cant have a pension. And your sister and a brother can find some job. They just got used to you conveniently bailing them out.

Also “I want nothing to do with you if you dont do X” is a manipulative tactic they use. Dont contact them for few days and they would still call to ask for money from their favorite ATM machine. 

[TeeDee]

See if you can get these under employed lazy bones on housing assistance:  Texas Housing Assistance | Texas.gov

[catfeeder]

No, you're not wrong. Your mother just knows that it's her best interests to manipulate you into believing that you're wrong. However, she's in charge of running her life, your sister is in charge of running hers, and you're in charge of running your own. You don't deserve to have your household or your finances harmed by those who want to use you as their ATM machine.

And I wouldn't count on never hearing from your mother again. She'll be asking you for something else at some point, and you're better off suggesting that she contact her local hospital's human services department for a referral to a case worker who can help her to apply for resources.

Head high, and my heart goes out to you.

[tattoobunnie]

Your mom and sister don't have little children; they can get a second job.  You are not an atm.  I would take a break from them.