How to Handle Jealousy When Your Husband’s Parenting Skills Outshine Yours

I loved being a mother, but there were times when I felt like I was an utter failure. Times when it seemed like everything my husband did was perfect. As if he was a better mom than me; his experience and patience sank the notch in my self-esteem even lower. Low enough to make me feel worthless and weak, unable to keep up with him or be as great a parent as he was. I wanted to love every moment with my children, but his stellar parenting felt like a heavy burden, one that quickly brought me down and left me feeling inadequate and out of sync.

It's easy for couples to feel competitive about parenting, especially when one of them is excelling beyond the other. This can turn into feelings of envy, making all the positive parenting moments seem to dim compared to his inexperience. But just because your partner is more successful in this area doesn't make you any less of a parent. It's healthy to appreciate your own successes, while also giving recognition where it is due. This helps you build a strong relationship with your partner, so that you can both thrive as parents.

Take time to identify where your strengths lie and celebrate those differences. Maybe you're naturally more patient, or better able to understand how your children are feeling in any given situation. You can use this to complement your partner’s characteristics, and find ways to collaborate even when you're feeling overwhelmed.

At times, it can feel daunting to reach out for support, but communicating openly with your partner is essential. Being honest about your emotions helps set the stage for an environment that welcomes problem solving and collaboration. Rather than letting jealousy and insecurity take over, express yourself and your feelings to your partner when needed. Doing so should reassure you that the two of you are in this together, rather than competing over who’s the best parent.

Acknowledge their efforts and reward his stellar parenting. Offer a round of applause, recognize his dedication and congratulate him for his successes. He may not require the credit, but it’s important to let him know that you value and appreciate his work.

Look out for each other and help your significant other whenever possible. Offer to take on tasks that are easier for you, or be a sounding board for potential solutions. Even the smallest things can mean a lot for your spouse’s parenting skill set; it'll show them that you care about what they're doing and that you both want it to succeed.

Refocusing the lens on yourself can also be incredibly rewarding. Self-care should be first and foremost when times are tough. Create time and space to admire the little things that you do that make you a difference. Doing something as simple as writing out a few accomplishments and successes of your own can make all the difference in helping you gain some perspective. Also remember that there is no “one size fits all” approach to parenting; your parenting style is a direct reflection of who you are and what your family believes in—not your partner’s.

Being aware of the negative thoughts and feelings that arise when your partner’s parenting seems flawless can help you manage those feelings in a healthier way. Don’t underestimate the power of your own capabilities, respect your partner's methods, and focus on your own unique parenting narrative. Together these steps can help ensure that your parenting relationship is one that long lasts, despite your different approaches.