7 Unspoken Rules (Every Married Couple Should Know)

Once upon a time, in the realms of human relationships, I was drawn into a profound conversation with a couple who had been married for more than 30 years. The wisdom they imparted was profound, highlighting seven unspoken rules that had become the foundation of their lifelong journey together. These rules, as they elaborated, were not merely suggestions but the guiding lights of their union. Throughout this article, I will take you on an exploratory journey, diving deep into the essence of these rules and their significance in the realm of marriage.

Rule 1: Prioritize Communication

Communication is the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. It's a simple truth, yet one that can be challenging to put into practice consistently. The essence of effective communication in marriage lies not only in verbalizing one's feelings and thoughts but also in active listening. It requires understanding, respect, patience, and most importantly, a safe space where each party feels heard and validated.

Rule 2: Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence plays a critical role in maintaining a harmonious marriage. It's the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. A high degree of emotional intelligence in a marriage leads to a deeper level of understanding and mutual respect, making the relationship more resilient in the face of adversity.

Rule 3: Practice Gratitude

Gratitude in marriage is a powerful force that reinforces positivity, appreciation, and mutual respect. It's not about grand gestures; instead, it's about consistently expressing appreciation for your partner, acknowledging their efforts, and showing your love in ways that resonate with them. Practicing gratitude in a marriage creates a positive feedback loop of kindness and generosity, fostering a more profound connection between the partners.

Rule 4: Make Room for Growth

Growth in a marriage refers to individual and collective evolution. It's about respecting and supporting each other's personal development while also nurturing the growth of the relationship. Recognizing that each partner has their unique path and allowing room for individual exploration creates a dynamic and enriching marital environment. This rule is about understanding that growth is not a threat to the relationship, but an essential component of a healthy marriage.

Rule 5: Foster Mutual Respect

Respect is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. It's about treating your partner with kindness, consideration, and valuing their views, feelings, and experiences as much as your own. Mutual respect is also about acknowledging each other's boundaries and understanding that just because you're married doesn't mean you have unlimited access to each other's personal spaces. It requires awareness and intentional effort to cultivate, but it's well worth it as it fosters a sense of equality and fairness in the relationship. Respect in a marriage is about understanding that your partner is their own person with unique experiences, feelings, and perspectives. This appreciation and acceptance of each other's individuality significantly contribute to the strength of your bond.

personal spaces. It requires awareness and intentional effort to cultivate, but it's well worth it as it fosters a sense of equality and fairness in the relationship.

Rule 6: Keep the Spark Alive

Keeping the spark alive in a marriage is not just about maintaining physical intimacy. It's about creating shared experiences, spending quality time together, expressing love and appreciation, and investing time and effort in understanding each other's evolving needs and desires. The "spark" is essentially about maintaining a sense of emotional closeness and connection that goes beyond the mundaneness of everyday life.

Rule 7: Learn to Navigate Conflict

Conflict in a marriage is inevitable. However, how you handle conflict determines the health and longevity of your relationship. It's about approaching disagreements with a problem-solving mentality rather than a combative one. It requires emotional intelligence, effective communication, and a willingness to compromise. Remember, it's not about who's right or wrong; it's about finding a resolution that respects both partners' feelings and perspectives.

Conclusion

As we conclude this exploratory journey into the seven unspoken rules every married couple should know, it's essential to understand that these are not hard and fast rules but guiding principles. They may evolve as your relationship grows and changes, and that's okay. After all, the beauty of marriage lies in its ability to adapt and grow. As the couple who shared their wisdom with me emphasized, these rules are the backbone of their successful marriage, and I hope they serve as helpful guideposts on your marital journey.

Further Reading

1. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman

2. "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman

3. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson