Breaking Apart But Not From Within

The loving relationship between Amanda and her husband had started to rapidly unravel three years ago. In the back of her mind, there was always a lingering sense of sadness that crept in when she thought of the two of them together. She had initially felt empowered knowing they were life partners; a feeling of comfort in knowing they were invincible together. But it wasn’t enough to keep their marriage afloat. The love hadn’t been enough to sustain their relationship, as Amanda soon became aware -- instead, independence and commitment was needed if they had any chance of making it together.

The seeds of breakdown had been planted early, when the couple agreed to marry before things had time to truly develop between them. Largely, this decision happened based on what seemed like a logical conclusion -- Amanda was about to finish school, and relocating for her career would mean being apart from her partner for an indeterminate amount of time. Even so, the reality of marriage quickly turned out to be much more complicated than either of them had imagined.

Distancing came in both subtle and obvious ways, with Amanda catching on to the possibility that her husband wasn’t truly committed to the relationship, not to mention the fact that both of them had changed. Her partner exhibited a need for freedom that worried her, while Amanda had her own need to stay true to herself. While they both wanted to remain loving, it was of little use; communication was difficult between them, leaving both parties feeling like distant memories.

Now, after three years of marriage, Amanda felt like she was losing herself, like the woman she had once been had faded away. On one hand, she wanted to stick with her partner, but the pull of independence haunted her from the inside. She wasn’t sure how to confront the choices before her in a way that would be healthy and beneficial.

As Amanda eventually came to realize, however, independence didn’t have to be nurtured at the cost of her relationship. All this time, Amanda had assumed that her need for independence meant not only a lack of commitment, but also too much commitment: staying with her husband meant sacrificing her own autonomy and identity, while leaving him felt like abandoning their love. But in truth, a true relationship requires independent growth within the relationship, and a commitment meant to both nourish and protect those individual growths.

Ultimately, Amanda came to a point where she could take a step back and acknowledge her own boundaries, allowing her and her husband to create healthy space between them. Breaking apart didn’t have to mean breaking from each other; instead, she was able to learn how to balance the strong connection between them with the necessary boundaries and independence needed to preserve their individual personhood.

Amanda had finally freed herself from the destructive cycle, and she and her husband connected in a new way. Although their relationship had changed, the connection remained rooted in respect, care and understanding. Despite the previous tension and distress, Amanda and her husband found a way to release themselves from the once-familiar bonds that held them together, coming out stronger on the other side.