We broke up, why does this keep happening

[Alittlehelpplz]

Well first let me start off by saying, you were right. I asked for advice about this relationship before it began and most of you explained it wouldn’t work due to lack of chemistry. I pushed on anyway and 8 months later the talk came and now I’m single again. 
to be honest with my myself it was someone issues I chose to ignore for example, I could never complete with her. Once we got comfortable and tested together it was a fear that she would get pregnant. Then, when our relationship took an amazing turn. Things felt like it was firing on all cylinders, I still couldn’t. Like a mental block, I would make sure she finished and then I faked it. Horrible I know but I fell for her hard and our connection felt so strong, it didn’t matter. 
Anyway I am making this post because I’m starting to feel like I’m the problem here. 
3rd relationship that ended due to a lack of sexual chemistry. 
 

I’ve always picked women based on our connection and didn’t focus on sex expecting it would fade eventually and the connection will stay strong. But know, sexual chemistry seems to be ruining my relationship. What can I do? 
I don’t want to be in the situation again. 
 

oh highlights. 
we broke up. 
she said she was feeling a lack for sexual chemistry. The connection was great but the sex part seemed forced to her 

I acknowledged her feelings and tried to find a better way to help our sexual chemistry. I said our sexual chemistry has grown from the beginning of our relationship, she agreed but said she doesn’t feel that rip your clothes off feeling and she needs to feel that. I said let it grow over time like our connection did. She didn’t think it was possible. So we broke up. 
34 male

31 female 

[Batya33]

Because it's hard to find someone who is a good match.  She wasn't a good match for you.  It's only the third time and you prolonged this so that it hurts more -that's the risk.  There's no point if if feels forced to this extent. I'm sorry you're disappointed.  

[catfeeder]

It's not likely that most people, male or female, perform well sexually under pressure. You forced yourself to perform before you were feeling good about it, and then you carried that pressure into every encounter that followed. Now you understand that this didn't serve you well, and hopefully you won't do that to yourself again.

Head high, we all learn by living.

[ShySoul]

17 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

she said she was feeling a lack for sexual chemistry. The connection was great but the sex part seemed forced to her 

I acknowledged her feelings and tried to find a better way to help our sexual chemistry. I said our sexual chemistry has grown from the beginning of our relationship, she agreed but said she doesn’t feel that rip your clothes off feeling and she needs to feel that. I said let it grow over time like our connection did. She didn’t think it was possible. So we broke up. 

Notice all the times you wrote about her having the issue with the relationship. She is the one who had a problem here, not you. She was the one placing sex as more important then the connection you had. She was the one not willing to take the time to let it grow and work on you both feeling more comfortable with things. You tried to do things for her, things you weren't comfortable with. So wasn't going to do the same for you. So don't blame yourself when she chose to walk away.

17 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

I’ve always picked women based on our connection and didn’t focus on sex expecting it would fade eventually and the connection will stay strong. But know, sexual chemistry seems to be ruining my relationship

You're on the right track. The connection is the most important thing. Sex shouldn't be the focus. But there are different types of connections. When it's truly right, both work in tandem. The connection is what makes the sex special and good. And the sex serves as a physical, tangible manifestation of that connection. But not all connections mean we're suited to a relationship or will be having sex. The fustrating part is how easy it is mistake these connections. Some connections are meant to be really close friends. Some are relationships that are supposed to touch our lives for awhile. And, if we are lucky, we find the connection that lasts forever. 

Don't worry about it. Sounds like you are focused too much on this issue. You said yourself it's a mental block. By worrying to much about sex, you're actually going to make it worse. You're worried about not performing, thus you don't perform. What we believe will happen, we'll find a way to make happen. So if you think you have a problem and will ruin things, thats what you'll do. Instead, learn to be in the moment and enjoy things as they come. Don't force it. You'll know when it's right and you'll do just fine.

[Kwothe28]

On 5/25/2024 at 6:32 AM, Alittlehelpplz said:

Well first let me start off by saying, you were right. I asked for advice about this relationship before it began and most of you explained it wouldn’t work due to lack of chemistry. I pushed on anyway and 8 months later the talk came and now I’m single again. 

Yeah, that is why you dont push when things arent working out but break up and move on. I have a friend that is like you. They moved in together 3 years ago. Only for him now to realize she is not for him and that she doesnt even want to have kids now because she remembered she is not ready even though she said befor e she wants kids. After 8 years of relationship and 3 of living together. Only because he "pushed" for continuing and progressing to next level with ignoring all red flags known to a man. Oh and she also refused sex constantly.

And it will continue to happen to my friend and you as well, because you are unable to learn from your mistakes. Crushing to somebody is fine. Crushing to the point you absolutely need to move on with the relationship disregarding all the bad stuff is not fine.