I think my ex boyfriend misinterpreted my GOODBYE email...

I sent the following "goodbye" email to my ex boyfriend...

"I never thought I would be writing you this. I took some time to really think about the man I loved. The man who once made me feel like the most intelligent, beautiful woman in the world. There was a time when I thought our love would stand the test of time and nothing could come between us. I realized after our last phone call, the months have chipped away at our relationship and there is nothing left to hold on to.

The way things are now, we could no longer be a positive influence in each other's life. We would make each other miserable instead of happy, and make life harder rather than easier. How many times have we said we have had enough and never wanted to see each other again, only to kiss and make up, then try again? Well, someone has to be the one to say enough is enough and I am doing it now. This time I am not coming back.

I deserve to be with someone who loves me more than they love themselves, respects me and will stand by me, no matter what.

Goodbye Clayton."

He responded to this email by saying..."Now that was a meaningful close. I'm OK with that. Just so you know I'm still here to talk to." What is he saying he's OK with? Is he hoping I will continue to contact him? Did he not interpret my email as a "goodbye." I'm confused by his response.

He basically said...ok. No hard feelings. Let's be friends.

Btw...no one should love you more than they love themselves. You want a partner, not a doormat.

How did you guys end?

It's a long story...we met Jun 2013 and began dating. We were on and off until Sept 2014 when he disappeared. He started calling, texting and emailing me at the end of Jan 2015. I ignored him for two weeks and finally responded. We communicated back and for a little and finally talked on the phone for the first time this Tues. I explained to him how hurt I was by his lack of communication and his disappearance. He basically discarded everything I said and made it a point to tell me he'd been with someone else and we needed this time apart before we could move forward. It was a horrible break-up for me.

I'm hesitant being "friends" with an ex. I still have feelings for him, which he knows. He's even told me how much he loved and missed me after 7 months apart in the last few weeks since we reconnected. Is he trying to leave the door open, so to speak to see what happens?

You don't have to be friends with him. Yes...he left the door open if you want him back. But be forewarned...nothing will have changed.

yes I read it as him been ok with you ending it ...it sounded very calm so I am wondering if he doesnt actually believe it , based on you saying you kiss and make up a lot .

I would give the friends thing amiss ....I have a feeling he will be in touch when the realises you mean it this time .

or do you ? did you say all that in the hope he will change .

This I added more as a dig at him because he always only thought about himself.

This I added more as a dig at him because he always only thought about himself.

I think it missed its mark. He doesn't seem too upset.

I am sure the letter is giving you closure, so don't worry about the friendship stuff.

What a jerk. I bet you wish he hadn't crawled his sorry ass back into your life.

I think it missed its mark. He doesn't seem too upset.

 

I am sure the letter is giving you closure, so don't worry about the friendship stuff.

I'll admit, I was surprised by how casual his reply was. He pursued me so aggressively until I finally contacted him back. It's hard to believe someone who wanted to marry and have a family with me and with whom I was with over a year would just "agree" so easily. Maybe he'd reach the same point I did?

Most likely....when a a relationship breaks down, it's pretty evident.

I'll admit, I was surprised by how casual his reply was. He pursued me so aggressively until I finally contacted him back. It's hard to believe someone who wanted to marry and have a family with me and with whom I was with over a year would just "agree" so easily. Maybe he'd reach the same point I did?

well as I said in my earlier post , I don't think he has , I think he thinks you are just blowing hot air .

It's hard to believe someone who wanted to marry and have a family with me and with whom I was with over a year would just "agree" so easily. QUOTE]

 

Not hard to believe at all.

There are MANY people out there who make these proclamations of marriage and children (because, let's face it, words are EASY) but when it comes to ACTIONS, they sing a different tune.

 

My ex told me constantly how much he wanted kids, until the moment in time came when it became a real possibility. All of the sudden he was backpedaling like CRAZY.

 

And to be honest, IMVHO, if you were consistently breaking up, this relationship was never meant to be a marriage anyway. Because when you are married, you can't just run away every time a problem arises.

And the older you get, and the longer the relationship lasts, the problems only get more challenging, not less.

 

Walk away and never look back. It's done.

Is a part of you actually hoping he'll say he means it this time and really does love you and wants you to give him another chance? That you're the only one he's ever truly loved and he'd do anything to prove it to you?

If I'm off base sorry, but your posts almost make it seem like you're disappointed he wasn't upset about your "goodbye" and that you wanted a strong reaction.

Is a part of you actually hoping he'll say he means it this time and really does love you and wants you to give him another chance? That you're the only one he's ever truly loved and he'd do anything to prove it to you?

 

If I'm off base sorry, but your posts almost make it seem like you're disappointed he wasn't upset about your "goodbye" and that you wanted a strong reaction.

Yes...I love him very much. My head says I need to move on and our relationship has run its course, but my heart wanted him to stay and fight for our relationship. When he didn't, I must say...it crushed me.

Never walk away from someone and expect to be chased. It only happens in the movies...in real life, you wind up just walking away.

"Btw...no one should love you more than they love themselves. You want a partner, not a doormat."

Totally agree!!!!!

Yes...I love him very much. My head says I need to move on and our relationship has run its course, but my heart wanted him to stay and fight for our relationship. When he didn't, I must say...it crushed me.

Your relationship sounds like there was much drama and on/off. What is there to fight for??? It all sounds very unstable. Don't you want consistency and a healthy relationship?

You broke up with him by email.

He said ok and tried to sound nonchalant about it.

What more do you want from him?

No, he's not serious about being friends.

But personally, I'm rooting for him. In my experience, the person who's the first to go around casting blame in a breakup is usually the one most to blame.

In my experience, the person who's the first to go around casting blame in a breakup is usually the one most to blame.

You must not have a lot of experience. What planet are you from? Lol.

Have you heard of cheaters, abusers, and the large sector of people who carefully thought through their reasons for breaking up before putting an end to the relationship?

It may be true some of the time, but definitely not all.

You broke up with him by email.

 

He said ok and tried to sound nonchalant about it.

 

What more do you want from him?

 

No, he's not serious about being friends.

 

But personally, I'm rooting for him. In my experience, the person who's the first to go around casting blame in a breakup is usually the one most to blame.

Really!!!!!!!!!!!! My ex really did a number on me; As soon as I returned his "feelings," he bailed. No one has ever hurt me as much as he did.

Really!!!!!!!!!!!! My ex really did a number on me; As soon as I returned his "feelings," he bailed. No one has ever hurt me as much as he did.

If anyone has been in a relationship with a narcissist, my situation is a perfect example. They hover and when their current source of supply is gone (the girl he was with after he disappeared 7 months ago) they'll seek out anyone willing to give them attention and sadly, I did by answering his call two weeks ago. I wrote the email to him more to help me heal because I'd always taken him back. He'd done the disappearing act multiple times, each time he left a little longer than the time before. Even though I wanted a more caring answer, I knew deep down I wouldn't get it. He didn't say he'd be around to talk with the hopes of maintaining a friendship, he's leaving the door open to come back and cause havoc in my life sometime down the road. I spoke to my therapist about this situation yesterday and I'm happy I was strong enough to even send such an email. I have much work to do to overcome the insecurities this relationship has caused, but I'm going to try.

The biggest red flag for me involving this guy is when he randomly left to see another girl. Was this when you were still together with him? Because it sounded like he just up and left to cheat on you. That's terrible.

If you guys did have a relationship together though (and he didn't cheat) I think a lot of relationships go through this phase. Relationships usually start off pretty intense (whether in a good way or bad) ...then they either mellow out OR they tend to get worse as you see the other person's true colours and imperfections. There's always that point in the relationship where you question "is this really what I want for the rest of my life?" ...it's normal to eventually ask yourself this. Then you either work it out (takes a lot of time) or you break up.

If you do really want to be with him (and he didn't cheat) maybe you could talk about the problems and try to work on them? No relationships stay perfect, there's always going to be those times when your like "ugh...do I really want to keep doing this?" ...or "why won't he change!" or "there's so many other people on the planet who are better then this person" ...trust me, it's normal to eventually think about this stuff no matter if the relationship is amazing or not. Some people get hurt...some people get bored in their relationship...some people don't even have a reason ...while others are scared to move to the next step (having kids).

Whatever the reason...what do you ultimately want? Do you want him still? Or is it really just a dead end road? Oh and btw if he did cheat on you...leave him. That's a HUGE problem and won't ever go away. It destroys the trust and also...he could do it again. And yes...there are people who don't cheat, and you deserve someone who doesn't.

I honestly don't know what I want from him anymore. Our relationship was a nightmare 90% of the time over a year and a half. I wrote the email to see if he'd be honest about how he felt about me and to see how much he really cared if I pushed him. Obviously, not that much because without argument, he casually agreed. Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic and wanted him to chase me. I know if there was something I REALLY wanted I'd do anything to get it. I just wish I could have seen him one last time.