I think my ex boyfriend misinterpreted my GOODBYE email...

[mhowe]

You cannot "test" someone's commitment by walking away. Because in so doing...YOU break the trust.

 

However...in this case...why would you want to stay in a relationship that was 90% bad?

[Panda035]

I've never walked away from him, he's always been the one to initiate time apart, disappearing act, etc. over our 1.5 year relationship. My email was not a "break-up" email, it was me telling him I'm not going to come back and be abandoned again. It's hard for me to let go of this relationship because I don't feel I have genuine closure from him. I feel like he's playing a mind game by saying "just so you know, I'm still here to talk to" and because I still love him and wish we could have worked things out, it keeps me emotionally hanging on.

 

Even when I ended my 7 year relationship/engagement, I treated my ex with decency and was honest with him. I never made him feel like he didn't matter or our relationship meant nothing to me, it did...we just grew apart.

[mhowe]

You said you werent going to take him back. Good for you for taking a stand.

He said...okay, fine with me.

 

I don't understand why standing up for yourself in a relationship that had been making you miserable is still making you miserable. His behavior showed he wasn't invested...so he certainly wasn't going to fight for it.

 

 

Your thread calls it a "goodbye" email. You said goodbye. That is your closure. Standing up for yourself and saying "I will not be treats with disrespect".

 

And you think that someone who treated you lousy is going to wake up and say "no, don't go?"

[Panda035]

Believe me, this is quite the topic for my therapist and I.

[abitbroken]

I am not a fan of "goodbye" emails. If you already broke up and you both are aware of it, what is the other person really supposed to say in response? If they beg, act nonchalant or even don't say anything at all, the sender carefully dissects and passes judgement on the response. Or it sends them backwards. If you have something serious that you truly want to say to a person, email is crappy. Texts are worse. If he reads what you wrote, considers it, and respects what you have to say, why is it bad for him to say "ok?"

 

If you had the habit of breaking up and getting back together, all you need to do is to not get back together with him again. Actions speak louder. Just don't accept his phone calls, etc. I think people say "i am here if you need me" or imply friendship when they just really want to say "we are not parting as bitter enemies".

 

.I have learned these "goodbye" messages should really be for the sender to get their thoughts out and tear them up unless they fully are prepared for any response that they will receive - or to not get one.

[abitbroken]

You said you werent going to take him back. Good for you for taking a stand.

He said...okay, fine with me.

 

I don't understand why standing up for yourself in a relationship that had been making you miserable is still making you miserable. His behavior showed he wasn't invested...so he certainly wasn't going to fight for it.

 

 

Your thread calls it a "goodbye" email. You said goodbye. That is your closure. Standing up for yourself and saying "I will not be treats with disrespect".

 

And you think that someone who treated you lousy is going to wake up and say "no, don't go?"

 

totally agree.

[redswim30]

Yep.

 

Closure is always just for the person seeking it. If there are things you want to say for your own reflections, say them to yourself (out loud or via note) then discard these thoughts.

 

As far as breakups go, you are usually NOT going to get the answers you seek, the explanations you desire or the regrets that YOU wish the other person had.

 

It's shocking to me the amount of people that "confront" their ex for "closure" and are surprised when they don't hear exactly what they want to hear. You never will. If nothing else but for the fact that

that person isn't you, they didn't experience the break up the same way that you did, and their isn't always a neat, simple, easy, and perfect explanation for what went wrong.

 

Sometimes it's as simple as " I just wasn't feeling it anymore", but people don't say that. And really what can someone really say to make you feel better?

If they really loved you, they'd still be with you, after all.