Should I text him after our first date or wait? We slept together.

I was the one who first contacted him through the dating site and I texted him after he gave me his number. The date was a spur of the moment thing, as I unexpectedly had no plans that night and asked if he was free to meet.

I know I'll get blasted for this but we did sleep together. Although, I'm not especially optimistic about dating and even I thought it went extremely well. We have much in common and I rarely felt that level of comfort with someone I've just met.

We talked for hours before and after we spent the night together and spent the next afternoon talking and getting lunch. When we parted ways he said "see you again soon" and we kissed.

I feel unsure about what to do now. Do nothing and see if he texts me or just contact him? Is the ball in his court since I was the one who initiated? I don't want this to be a one night stand, but I understand that sex on the first date inherently carries that risk. He is actually someone who I am interested in dating and I wouldn't want a friends with benefits type situation.

It's a risk you took and what has been done is done, but if I were in your shoes I would put the ball in his court to see where you stand with him. It sounds like you've done a lot of the initiating and contacting, and so he knows you're interested but now you need to know if he's interested in dating you and continuing things.

The way I see it, you have two options:

1. You let him take the next step. If he does, that's great! Then just go with the flow and see where it takes you. If he doesn't, I personally would not pursue him further. Again you have demonstrated your interest by initiating contact, and setting up the date. For him it's a no brainer. He either wants to see you again, or he doesn't. If he doesn't he will let things fade off. If he wants to see you again, there shouldn't be anything holding him back from a girl who is mutually interested in him.

The other option...

2. You initiate again. From what I gather, you two obviously are not discussing exclusivity at this point and so you run the risk of engaging this guy who may just think "Well I'll keep looking around, but at least I'm getting some action while I weigh my options". Now he may be more upstanding than that, and if you initiate again he may just let you know he is not interested OR he may continue with an open mind. However in this scenario, again he will know where YOU stand, but you won't really know if he would have initiated otherwise.

For me the only clear way to know if he truly is interested is to let option 1 run its course. Just my opinion though.

I suggest you wait and see if he calls again. If he's interested, he'll call and ask you on a date. And it will be fairly soon, and he'll ask you out for a weekend date and not just to hook up at your place or his and go straight to bed.

Otherwise he's seeing you as a hookup/FWB partner. And if you don't hear from him again (or for a really long time), then yes, it was a one night stand and he's not coming back for more, or will only call you when he doesn't have something better to do.

I think you should leave it up to him from now on. It's the only way to know for sure.

If he's interested he'll be back. The problem is what is he interested in? If he goes for sex again right away, you'll have to back him down. If you don't hear from him after that, you'll have your answer.

Don't beat yourself up over it. We all ooopsy in our lives from time to time. And let he or she without sin cast the first stone.

I suggest you wait and see if he calls again. If he's interested, he'll call and ask you on a date. And it will be fairly soon, and he'll ask you out for a weekend date and not just to hook up at your place or his and go straight to bed.

 

Otherwise he's seeing you as a hookup/FWB partner. And if you don't hear from him again (or for a really long time), then yes, it was a one night stand and he's not coming back for more, or will only call you when he doesn't have something better to do.

Re bold...wait and see if he calls her "again"? He has NEVER called her...SHE has been the one pursuing him from the get-go.

So why would she expect it to be any different now? I mean...she's been driving this thing from the beginning....but now suddenly she wants him to take the wheel? Does HE know that? He may be thinking since SHE has been the one pursuing him...that she is going to continue the pursuit. And why wouldn't he think that...makes sense to me.

Let's turn this around. If a guy were pursuing me... doing all the texting, calling and initiating.... but then suddenly became unsure and insecure and stopped pursuing me because he wanted ME to start pursuing HIM (unbeknownst to me).... I would think (naturally) that he lost interest.

If a woman wants a man to pursue her....then she should NOT place herself in the driver's seat like the OP did. Because it set a precedent for how things will be going forward.

If she wants that to change...and she wants HIM to step up to the plate...then she needs to communicate that to him...NOT just stop pursuing him (hoping/expecting that he will start to take the lead) because if she just stops her pursuit... he may think that SHE only wanted a one-night stand.

Interesting perspective. I haven't looked at it that way before but I will definitely be considering it now.

"" I don't want this to be a one night stand, but I understand that sex on the first date inherently carries that risk""

Yep. .the tone is set. You can contact him and likely continue the current situation, but if you're needing to know if it's something more than fwb then you need to sit back and see if he asks you out on a `date'. .

"" I don't want this to be a one night stand, but I understand that sex on the first date inherently carries that risk""

 

Yep. .the tone is set. You can contact him and likely continue the current situation, but if you're needing to know if it's something more than fwb then you need to sit back and see if he asks you out on a `date'. .

I think if she wants more than FWB.... she needs to communicate that to him. Sitting back, doing nothing, waiting and hoping/expecting that HE will ask her out on a date won't accomplish anything except perhaps cause him to think she only wanted a one-night stand in the first place.

Remember, SHE has been the one driving this thing from the get go (read the first sentence from her original post again). Unless she speaks up and communicates what she wants...he will continue expecting her to pursue him.

I think if she wants more than FWB.... she needs to communicate that to him. Sitting back, doing nothing, waiting and hoping/expecting that HE will ask her out on a date won't accomplish anything except perhaps cause him to think she only wanted a one-night stand in the first place.

 

Remember, SHE has been the one driving this thing from the get go (read the first sentence from her original post again). Unless she speaks up and communicates what she wants...he will continue expecting her to pursue him.

I am torn now. I am really feeling Weathergirl's sentiments, but I can also understand the opposing advice that everyone else seems to share.

Call him if you want to have sex again. Let him call if you want to see if there is potential to date.I don't agree with weathergirl -things can change as far as the dynamic. She's known him for about 5 minutes. Many people change their mind after a first meet and decide not to go on an actual first date. That they had sex is irrelevant -he didn't feel like making a date to see her again. Obviously that might change but I think she should leave the ball in his court.

So he just texted (without me texting him first) saying he had fun the other day and mentioned something funny that happened on the date. Should I wait for him to ask me out now? Or text something like "let's go out again soon?"

Let him ask you out. While I see weathergirl's point, I find that most men will take the lead if they really want to see a girl they're interested in. Again it should be a no-brainer for him. He knows you like him, after you initiated contact and the first date. He just needs to decide if that feeling is mutual towards you and move forward. No guy who has sex with a woman he likes is going to let her get away that easy because "she's the one that usually texts first".

Obviously he's cast out a line again to see if you're still interested in talking to him. So play it cool, reciprocate you had a really fun time too and continue to communicate. Wait and see if he asks you out on another DATE... not just invite you back to his place for another romp in the sheets. Best of luck!

So he just texted (without me texting him first) saying he had fun the other day and mentioned something funny that happened on the date. Should I wait for him to ask me out now? Or text something like "let's go out again soon?"

"I had fun too! Look forward to catching up!"

Ooh that's good Batya.

Personally, I'm a woman who is happy to chase. If you reply that you are looking forward to catching up leave it at that because that's an invitation for him to invite you out. If you haven't said anything yet, and don't invite him to do anything today, next time you're going to do some fun social thing anyway, I'd be flicking him an invite "come watch this band with me" (insert appropriate group activity. Making the second date a group thing will give you a chance to interact with him in a not just sexy times capacity).

And if it does turn out to just be a one time of enjoyable sex. You got one night of sexy times out of someone and quite frankly, I think that has value too.

Ooh that's good Batya.

 

Personally, I'm a woman who is happy to chase. If you reply that you are looking forward to catching up leave it at that because that's an invitation for him to invite you out. If you haven't said anything yet, and don't invite him to do anything today, next time you're going to do some fun social thing anyway, I'd be flicking him an invite "come watch this band with me" (insert appropriate group activity. Making the second date a group thing will give you a chance to interact with him in a not just sexy times capacity).

 

And if it does turn out to just be a one time of enjoyable sex. You got one night of sexy times out of someone and quite frankly, I think that has value too.

I don't think one person asking out another person is chasing in the least. In this particular situation I'd let him do the asking since the OP chose to have sex the first time they met and if he asks her out on a date in public she might have more clarity about his intentions.

If you do contact him, set up a lunch date and have plans with a friend that evening.

That way, there is no chance of sleeping together, and you will be able to feel out whether he is interested in you in a non-sexual context.