8 months post BU... Still waiting to move on and feel indifference

Well here i am as many of you know 8 months post BU. Feelings still strong as ever, trying to take her off that damn pedestal. Its so hard to as she did give me some of the best memories of my life. Been the worst summer of my life here as im constantly alone and all my friends have gf's so i rarely see them. She gave me the best two summers of my life full of love and fun and now im having the worst one of my life. Im doing all i can to stay busy, working out twice a day and im in incredible shape and look amazing but i have zero interest in other women, i have tried a few dates but i cant put myself out there. I accidently have seen photos of her and her new bf on facebook and instagram as we have far to many mutual friends for me to avoid it, everytime i see them my hearts sinks and i feel sick, he is enjoying all the things with her i used to love and cherish so much. I havent talked to her in ages and dont plan on it. Im so ready for the day she doesnt cross my mind once but it seems like that will never happen because i still think of her every minute.

I just want to feel indifference one day, to move on. I know ill never have her back and i truly have accepted that. 8 months just seems like a long time after a BU with the women i feel so hard for and wanted to marry to not have moved on to some degree. She is still in my dreams so frequently. Im seeing a therapist and he keeps telling me to be patient and one day itll pass, but right now it just feels like never, time heals all but how much time???

I have had some experiences in the past few months that would have felt amazing before or with her, but post her it feels "watered down" or "dulled" by the pain of the loss as she is on my mind and it tortures me. I feel like a chump who is emotionally unavailable and hung up on a women who crushed my heart and stuck to the point where i cant move on. It feels like i was making progress till about 3 months ago when summer begin and now im stuck or at a plateau of getting over her and that itll never get better past this point, but i want to more then anything!

Yes, I understand. It was so hard a year ago for me. Last May/June was when I was losing the one I had loved and had in my life for 5 yrs.

So, it's now been around a year.

Dealing with a 'loss' is awful. So many thoughts/feelings etc keep us 'lost' in what we had.

It took me 9 mos to stop crying every day. I also did therapy & was put on med's for my anxiety.

With it now being just over a year, I can say I AM starting to accept & heal from it all. I will admit, I do still think about him. And the creep does still send me a text, occasionally wanting to meed for drinks. BUT, because of MY inner strength and self respect etc, I have NOT replied in about 4 months now.

So, this is proof I am healing & dealing with it.

He chose to move on.. then keep going. I will not play those games anymore. I hit my rock bottom because of him and my anger is still there, slightly. But I am much better nowadays.

So, it will take time and the less you see/know about her, the better. Keep going.. keep working on it.

Just remember.. you were fine before her and you will be again, after her.

One day at a time.

Where can I read your story? If you have a thread?

Ohhh I've had a few but this was back, a year ago, when I first joined here.

Last June.

Probably under Break ups. Re: rebounds etc.

8 months since the breakup.... but HOW LONG NC?

Not 8 months, I'm guessing. Not even close.

4 months of strict NC except a little bit of social media stuff that i couldnt avoid due to far to many mutual friends. That was expected.

I knew summer was going to be very hard on me as its a town i moved to summer 2 years ago and met her within 2 weeks and spent 2 summers that i can truly say are my best to date with her and that is cause i had her with me essentially every day. Just been a big adjustment this summer and the constant being alone is getting to me. Being with her in this town is really all i have ever known and my friends here are always to busy to hang out with the exception of going to the bar maybe once a week which gets very old... I dont make near enough money to travel or do anything to crazy or drastic to occupy my time, working out has become and obsession of mine keeping me sane.

I am in ways happy that she is happy right now and enjoying her life as i do care for her well being. But another part of me is jealous and angry that i feel so easily replaced and that i was never special to her when i thought what we had was so pure and rare. Just a feeling of being so disposable to her is kind of dis-heartening and ego bruising. She had so many guys all over her instantly after the BU which i knew was going to happen, she is the prettiest and most athletic girl at our University (fact) the head turner on campus and star athlete. And here i am 8 months later without having had 1 girl show the slightest bit of interest in me, i guess my ego is hurt and my confidence is in the ter cause im used to lots of attention from the opposite sex.

I hear that some people dont truly move on until they find the "next one" and that may be me in my case. I have friends that cant be alone and just settle to be in a relationship with any girl because its convenient. Im very very picky on who i commit to and I only commit if im 100% sure that they are the only girl in the world that i want in my life at that given moment, which is why my ex was so rare, the only girl i ever met i knew i had to be with and share experiences with instantly. I just dont want to have to "settle" now for someone that doesnt do it for me quite as much as she did.

I have had some what would be great experiences since her but they just dont feel the same anymore, i feel like damaged goods.

Sorry to hear you still have that awful self-involved MESS of a human being up on her pedestal.

Your breakup was one of the ugliest, most cruel threads I've read here. She was truly heinous -- the things she said to you were cringe-worthy and you remained pretty oblivious to all of it, throughout.

Glad to hear you're working out. Give yourself more than a measly 4 months NC to feel attracted to other women.

Just curious how you KNOW she's *happy and enjoying her life right now* when you're not in contact or snooping anymore?

Perhaps you should shut down social media for the rest of the year and see how you feel in the new year?

Sorry to hear you still have that awful self-involved MESS of a human being up on her pedestal.

 

Your breakup was one of the ugliest, most cruel threads I've read here. She was truly heinous -- the things she said to you were cringe-worthy and you remained pretty oblivious to all of it, throughout.

 

Glad to hear you're working out. Give yourself more than a measly 4 months NC to feel attracted to other women.

 

Just curious how you KNOW she's *happy and enjoying her life right now* when you're not in contact or snooping anymore?

Im not snooping but i have one friend that is a girl that i see quite a good amount that always brings up stuff she sees about her like i want to know whats going on! I have asked her to stop doing it repeatedly yet she still does, its very annoying.

And yes working out has become my obsession and passion, i plan every meal on the importance of nutrition and muscle growth, get up a 6 am 5 days a week for a 2 hour workout followed by another hour in the afternoon. Im in the best shape i ever could have imagined and the best part is im just doing it for me. Maybe one day it wont hurt with the opposite sex either!

I read some of your threads and I can just say "what in the hell" about your ex... she is TOXIC as hell man! She might have cared for you during the relationship but after she left that girl that you used to love and care so much DIED, literally. Shes another person dude, the way shes was living life was insane and she was fine with it, why? Because she thinks that you were an abusive boyfriend that always treated her badly and she just justifies her post bu behavior to that, doing all those things out of spite, trying to get back at you, subconsciously at least.

Keep training man, get in the best shape of your life!

Let women come to you, don't ever chase women and if you still don't have desire for any other women the one that comes has to actually work for you and thats when you know she'll be worth giving a shot because she tried and didn't give up on you!

I wish i could post before and after pics of my body from the break up. Im a new man, i feel great at the gym, this girl lit a fire under my ass and im more motivated then ever. Somebody will notice one day i hope.

So I was dumped very very recently. And since then (like last week), I've been hitting the gym religiously. Up until yesterday, I was doing it so that he will notice, and today I was doing it because I know what I want to see in a few months. And you know what? That mindset change made a HUGE difference - I just felt happier and freer while working out! Kudos to you for all your persistence and hardwork. I draw inspiration from that.

Look, you have to be proactive about this! NC doesn't just mean not contacting her, but fighting the urge to see her Instagram or FB... BLOCK, my friend (actually the smartest thing those Facebook geniuses thought of). You can't dwell on who she used to be when she was in a relationship with you because people are grossly different out of a relationship. It SUCKS! But ask yourself this, let's say she DID want to come back. Could you honestly say that you will forgive everything and actually move forward?

Eventually, I'm sure you will meet someone. Because, I think most (if not all) women do appreciate men with genuine feelings. But save it for someone who actually deserves it. You will be happy! I trust Good luck to you!

According to a very wise former male poster, it usually takes young guys two or three heartaches to stop idealizing the hot model type. As you grow and mature your attractions will evolve as well.

Stay in therapy and start volunteering. Get a broader world view. Use this time to broaden your experiences.

Well i feel for my exes personality more then anything and what she wanted out of life. But the big kicker is i truly didnt respect or agree with the person she was while single, honestly a loose cannon that showed no self respect although she said she was just young and having fun. Thats not how i am at all.

I have blocked her on every single possible form of social media. But i still hear things just by chance when im not even looking or occasionally see a photo by chance on facebook. Some things cannot be avoided but i have done all i can.

According to a very wise former male poster, it usually takes young guys two or three heartaches to stop idealizing the hot model type. As you grow and mature your attractions will evolve as well.

 

Stay in therapy and start volunteering. Get a broader world view. Use this time to broaden your experiences.

agree...now crave a more calm, contented love than a "model type" who never pulls out her wallet.

Get off Facebook completely.

I probably am having an easier time with my breakup because I'm older, and had more of them than you, but I do still struggle with the urge to check on her and wonder how she is. For some reason the past week has been brutal on my emotional stability in the fact that she is no longer who she once was or who I thought she was. However, for me I decided to finally buy a cheap electric guitar and learn to play something at least. I'll never be Slash, but at least I found something that forces me to focus on something other than her, and I now have a better understanding for how talented musicians really are. I've also learned to play some cool stuff (although nothing I'd play for anyone other than myself). I also bought RockSmith, which allows you to learn songs with an actual guitar. In short, if you ever imagined being a rock star, then go get yourself a cheap electric guitar and learn to play it because it works magic in getting your mind off of an ex that you shouldn't ever let cross your mind again...

I have blocked her on every single possible form of social media. But i still hear things just by chance when im not even looking or occasionally see a photo by chance on facebook. Some things cannot be avoided but i have done all i can.

I know that feel lol, I have a mutual friend who was my ex's best friend throughout middle and highschool and we've gotten super close after the break up because at the time of my break up, he was also going through one. I've told him almost all of my feelings towards my ex, the good and the bad but since he was my ex's best friend way before me I don't expect him to stop talking with her, and occasionally I see pictures of them and I see posts he shares and tags her (she has me blocked, but I can still see her name when she is tagged in stuff).

It sucks, you feel a sting in your chest every time you see their names or a picture of them pop up... ugh.

Stay strong !

Well i feel for my exes personality more then anything and what she wanted out of life. But the big kicker is i truly didnt respect or agree with the person she was while single, honestly a loose cannon that showed no self respect although she said she was just young and having fun. Thats not how i am at all.

Given the DESPICABLE things she's said and done to you..... it's truly terrifying to think that her PERSONALITY is what attracts you.

Her "single" persona is WHO SHE IS. It's easy to pretend to be a certain way with someone when you want something from them, like a relationship.... but who she revealed herself to be after the breakup, when she no longer wanted anything from you, shows her TRUE character.

Again: TIME TO TAKE HER OFF THAT PEDESTAL.

Slowly taking her off the pedestal and seeing some major flaws i would never want in a partner. Its happening thats for sure.

I dont know if its a good idea to completely get off facebook as its how i keep in touch with all my friends from growing up and its nice to keep them in my life. Just wish there was a way to make everything she is in invisible. Blocking only does so much!

Slowly taking her off the pedestal and seeing some major flaws i would never want in a partner. Its happening thats for sure.

 

I dont know if its a good idea to completely get off facebook as its how i keep in touch with all my friends from growing up and its nice to keep them in my life. Just wish there was a way to make everything she is in invisible. Blocking only does so much!

What is she "in"?

Mutual friends.... can be blocked (temporarily).

Any mutual pages... can be blocked (temporarily).

There's really no reason for you to have any information about her or her life right now, if you take steps to adequately protect yourself.

Slowly taking her off the pedestal and seeing some major flaws i would never want in a partner. Its happening thats for sure.

 

I dont know if its a good idea to completely get off facebook as its how i keep in touch with all my friends from growing up and its nice to keep them in my life. Just wish there was a way to make everything she is in invisible. Blocking only does so much!

Trust me, if Facebook broke down you would have other ways to stay in touch with them

I just think that the cons outweigh the pros of getting rid of it right now. And blocking all of our mutual friends is a little ridiculous cause there are about 100 of them and i never know who shes hanging out with! Its not that big of a deal as i dont see things that often.

Well anyways guess who texted me yesterday asking me if i was working an event with her! I didnt respond