Just had lunch with my ex after 2.5 months

So I just had lunch with my ex... I made the mistake of texting her seeing if she wanted to meet for lunch today or tomorrow. She said shed like that and today would be good. The date or whatever you want to call it lasted a little over an hour. Conversation seemed to go pretty well. We talked about vacations planned, school, work, stuff in the future etc.. We did not mention the past or our relationship. We both paid for our own meals. I walked her to her car and said goodbye. Tried to make it quick and walk to my car but she thought it was weird that I walked away so fast because she was kind of snickering. She told me thanks for inviting her to lunch and she had a good time. I said "well I knew you wouldn't call or text me to set it up" she said "well it wasn't the first thing on my mind" then as she was looking for her keys I told her bye again. I just still feel nervous, lost, and confused a little. Not sure what the future holds between us and what I should do. Should I wait for her to contact me? If she doesn't should I shoot her a text in 3-4 days just to make convo and not ask her out again yet? The way she acted it's too hard to tell if she still has feelings for me, wants to be friends or what... I'd like to think if she didn't have any feelings at all that she would've ignored me or not met me for lunch. She knows I still love her still I'm pretty sure. I don't think she's completely stupid. If anyone has gone through something similar I would love the advice. Thank you

The relationship is over.

You still lobe her...but she is not interested in getting back with you.

You cannot be friends. And a month from now you will understand that.

How are you so positive that she doesn't want to take things slow or do things different? Is it from your past experience? You think I won't hear from her after this meeting? And if I don't that's my answer?

go NC..move on..heal....

No...I don't think you will hear from her.

Because she said reaching out to you wasn't on her priority list.

She knows I still love her still I'm pretty sure. I don't think she's completely stupid.

Oh, that's the worst part. You'd probably have a better shot if she figured you didn't love her anymore. Even better if you genuinely didn't love her anymore.

All strange but true. You need to let it go.

I called it..not to be a jerk. You kinda went backwards...I bet now your mind is wondering even more than before? right...Not saying it in the mean way.

. She didnt contact you and she pretty much said your not a priority right now... Just let that sink in....its not a good feeling but its looking you right in the eye.

Did you ever get a chance to read my story doc?

yes...and i still think you should move on...

She told you quite directly that contacting you is not on her to do list. Time to accept it and move on.

As for her agreeing to meet for lunch. I've done that with ex's when asked......out of pity. It seemed like they were still so stuck and not letting go, I hoped that the lunch would finally give them whatever closure they are seeking/needing. Sometimes it worked even....

I just read your thread from yesterday and its ironic that Sharky nailed it!

Oh, brother.

 

Check out any of the hundreds of "met with my ex" threads to see how this one plays out.....

 

You'll have a nice time. Neither of you will bring up the relationship. You'll tell each other all the new developments in your lives. You'll laugh and crack jokes and it'll be like the breakup never happened. Then it'll be time to go and you'll get a hug or a kiss on the cheek and she'll say something like "it was great catching up" and then you're on here posting the questions: "What did that mean?" and "How many days do I wait to contact her again?"

 

Oh well. Enjoy your lunch.

Haha I knew sharky was probably right. I even said that. I still can't figure out how things can be predicted that easy... It's crazy but it's all true.

*facepalm* well...good job confusing and hurting yourself. That's about all you accomplished.

Stop doing that.

Trust me, I did the same thing...for several weeks. And this bully on ENA named Sharky kept telling me to stop, she was obviously wrong since my story was special and the things we felt weren't like these random internet folk that aren't as deep as me, blah blah blah blah fill in more explanation why my situation was different.

I started feeling great when I let go of hope and the idea of that we will ever be a couple EVER again. I focused on things I liked before the relationship, about things I Just like...and it made me feel good...after awhile I lost all feelings towards her. Now I am apathetic, 10 months later...

It was my first real serious relationship...I was shattered, and I had to actual "learn" how to break up... I was seriously clueless... I thought it was all about eating ice cream, watching the Notebook, and laying in bed, obviously add in crying during every step, let's not forget making every thought and energy and effort to get her back, and "fixing" myself within a week to be a presentable partner. ah... good times. I'm happy I can smile about it now

Stop texting her, stop meeting up, stop making threads wondering about what your meeting meant (because I'll save you the trouble and tell you nothing)

You'll be fine! NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!

Next time you're gonna text her or write her, or call her or something, post a thread and let random strangers comment on what they think. Give it 24 hours to sink in, and then decide if you should text.

Am I the only one wondering why this is posted in the "healing" forum?

Hon this is not healing yourself. You need to let it go. I don't know your story but I'm sure it makes no difference. From how you described this "lunch date" she is not interested. She may still care, as a former girlfriend or friend. But she is not into you anymore the way that you are her. Not trying to be harsh or rude but this is the reality. "Not a priority," tells you EVERYTHING you need to know. Stop wondering about her. Go NC. Block her number if you have to so you aren't checking your phone every 2 seconds. Grieve. It may not seem possible but there are other fish out there, and you will find another one. Eventually you'll look back on this one and wonder what you were thinking.

Am I the only one wondering why this is posted in the "healing" forum?

 

Hon this is not healing yourself. You need to let it go. I don't know your story but I'm sure it makes no difference. From how you described this "lunch date" she is not interested. She may still care, as a former girlfriend or friend. But she is not into you anymore the way that you are her. Not trying to be harsh or rude but this is the reality. "Not a priority," tells you EVERYTHING you need to know. Stop wondering about her. Go NC. Block her number if you have to so you aren't checking your phone every 2 seconds. Grieve. It may not seem possible but there are other fish out there, and you will find another one. Eventually you'll look back on this one and wonder what you were thinking.

Yea sorry you're the only one sorry enough to wonder why I'm posting in this forum. Because I am trying to heal. Maybe I'm just struggling. Maybe I don't want her. Maybe I just want her sometimes cause I feel lonely and desperate. Have a heart and don't comment if you don't wanna read my stuff don't read it or the comments. I'm just healing from a rough break up of a girl who just dumped me less than 3 months ago and maybe I don't get over it as easy as most people. Have a heart. Sorry I posted in the wrong topic if that's how you see it. I'm just trying to find the strength to let go. And I think thT has to do with healing.

It won't help heal you to meet your ex you still love for lunch "dates" and wondering if she's going to text or call you. I don't care where you post what. It's just that what you are doing is the opposite of healing.

I may sound harsh but some on here do, it's with your best interests at heart. Those outside the situation can often see things with better clarity than you'll allow at this time.

It won't help heal you to meet your ex you still love for lunch "dates" and wondering if she's going to text or call you. I don't care where you post what. It's just that what you are doing is the opposite of healing.

 

I may sound harsh but some on here do, it's with your best interests at heart. Those outside the situation can often see things with better clarity than you'll allow at this time.

I know everyone can see better than me. I want so bad to just take the advice and use it. It seems I use it for a while than fall off the wagon.

The point is, after meeting her for lunch, it's time to stop thinking there's a possibility of getting back together.

It's time to focus instead on healing, on moving on, on feeling better and getting to a place where you're ready and able to have a relationship with someone new.

You need to take them rose colored glasses off...

she's not the best girlfriend in the world, I would bet you she's not the prettiest girl in the world either...

the best girlfriend in the world doesn't text her ex, she doesn't dump you, she doesn't tell you you're not a priority

block her from facebook, block your friend's that have ANY chance to see anything from her on your newsfeed... delete all mutual friends that are not actually your friends.

You obviously stumbled by allowing a girl who is emotionally cheating on you back, and then she burned you really bad. Take this time, and build up your self esteem, you sound like a kind person and you deserve someone that is INTO you 100% and not going along with it and leading on other people as well.

So your number one priority is you. Whatever it is you do, excel at it. If it's work and you like your job, be the best damned worker since it feels good. If you hate your job, find another one. If you're in school, crank up your grades unless you're getting straight A's, then take on more classes because it's not hard enough If it's exercise, kick it up a notch. If you have a good enough social circle, try to plan something fun with them. If you're not content with your social circle, grow it... it's really easy, go out and meet up. There is a lot of online resources for that link removed some sports clubs that are co-ed, etc. The world is your oyster, take control of it.

The point is you need to crush hope because the only reason she will want you back is because sh*t hit the fan with her ex... and if you're in a weaker spot like you are now...and pining for your ex, you may take her back. Plus she knows that jstew is on the bench and she can call on him anytime, you're a nice backup plan. Don't be a backup plan or a plan B. The idea is, you don't want her back. Crush hope by realizing she's not for you there's plenty of other wonderful individuals that you can meet once you put this girl behind you. So stop thinking about meeting her, stop thinking about what it means, because you're better than going back to an ex that dumped you for HER ex!

And full disclosure... I found out 5 months later, my ex IMMEDIATELY started dating my very close mutual friend of ours after we broke up. It stung a little, (more because he betrayed me) but I put it behind me... since it only confirmed one thing... She wasn't the one for me!! Just like yours isn't for you

10 months later, I've met plenty of wonderful women... not pursing anything serious right now, but when you're open to it, and your confidence is up it's like some weird pheramone, girls can sense it.

Haha I knew sharky was probably right. I even said that. I still can't figure out how things can be predicted that easy... It's crazy but it's all true.

And the rest of the prediction for that type of scenario ...

You pine for her. She moves on. You take a long time to heal.

The sooner you let her go, the sooner you heal.

Well she did end up texting me the day after the date saying "I had a really good time at lunch with you! Hope you had fun fishing". I was short with her and just said thanks. She texted me again when she got off asking questions about my day then randomly stopped. I talked to her for the last time Sunday. She said "hey, how are you??". Then we had meaningless talk about what we were doing(small talk). She stopped the convo randomly that night. I haven't heard from her since. But last night my brother told me that she was flashing pictures of her and her ex at a bar a couple weeks ago. Just pisses me off and reassures me she's the wrong girl for me and is terribly confused... I really don't even want that drama in my life anymore. I made a mistake by going to lunch with her, but I stopped texting her when she stopped and didn't say anything emotional. So I like to think I didn't give up all my dignity and self respect. Starting NC again and this time I think I'll ignore her if she ever reaches out again. Which I doubt she will, but she did after the lunch date so who knows...

Of course you're just staying in limbo until you actually start BLOCKING HER.... but I don't expect you to do that, either.

So you can look forward to more meaningless breadcrumbs from your ex whenever she's lonely or bored or looking for an ego stroke. She's probably happier keeping you on the backburner than letting you go completely... and since you've shown her now you're happy for whatever pathetic scraps she throws your way... let the games (and suffering) continue!

Jstew, don't just "think" of ignoring her...do it like you mean it You deserve way better this. You will feel a whole lot better once you've blocked her for awhile (not "you might." YOU WILL). It is in no way easy but man you have to do this. Repeat it to yourself, out loud works especially well if you are alone: "I deserve better."