Ex is getting married

I did something stupid and checked my ex's mom's facebook page and she says that my ex is getting married this summer and she is so happy. We were together for 6 years and broke up last June, she said she had moved on and had met someone else. I have struggled a lot after this break up, my self esteem was really low and I have, and still am working hard to heal. I know that my ex has moved on and of course is entitled to her own life, and pursue happiness but hearing this just breaks my heart plain and simple. I loved her so much and thought we would spend our lives together, I wanted to marry her so much and to think she is planning a marriage with someone else just hurts, she obviously had such doubts about us and never wanted to marry me. I know this changes nothing and is probably the news I have been expecting/dreading, I just feel awful about it.

Then now you know why everybody always say DON'T STALK. You learned your lesson the hard way Try to get yourself busy and let the healing restart.

it is so so hard not to. I try to all the time with my x, but now he has removed his social networks... so it makes it impossible. I feel your pain... there is nothing worse than pain of the heart of this kind... nothing

My sympathies. Breakups and rejection are so painful.

I completely understand man. I'm so sorry you had to find that out. No matter how much I convince myself that my ex will inevitably get married at some point (whether it's to the guy she left me for or someone in the far away future), I'd be just as devastated and shocked to find it myself. No amount of mental preparation can soften the blow that would have on one's heart and mind. Only time can heal you, time and space away from her in any form. I do hate social networking though for that reason. I've accidentally seen my ex via different ways (mutual friends or the fact that she has the same first name as a lot of my friends so when I search for one of my friends she shows up as a result) so I understand that that can happen.

I wish you the best of luck man. Hang in there and be strong

What you feel is very understandable. However, in time you may realize that this is for the best as it pretty much proves that she was NOT the One for you. You can now free yourself from any hopes of reconciliation that were keeping you stuck. It does suck when they move on so easily but it does prove that they were not that special as far as you are concerned. The One for you will never give up like that. She pretty much proved to you that she is not it. Now that you know, you can go back to no contact and stick with it forever. Good luck with your healing!

It hurts, but its better you found out that she didn't really love you enough to marry you then. Same thing happened to me, i just accepted it and move on with so much hurt and pain. Today after 3 years i no longer feel that pain, just accepted that people change , and when they don't truly love us can change so quickly, regardless what we shared. Its life and its tough but we learn to accept and move on.

You should consider yourself lucky. You would probably be getting divorced right now if she would have married you instead. It does hurt seeing the woman you loved get married to someone else but when it happens it really does mean you are better off without her. I know it's not exactly what you want to hear but it's the truth.

My ex got married a month after she left me to a loser who still lives with his parents. Yes, a month. She decided she wanted to marry him after being with him for less than 2 weeks. It used to bother me but now I don't care. I just hope she doesn't come back crying to me when her sham of a marriage fails. And a month before she left me she wanted me to marry her. This was after we had a long distance relationship for years followed by her living with me for 8 months. It hurts at first but you will get over it. Now I'm happy I didn't marry her because I would probably be getting divorced or I would be in a bad marriage.

It shouldnt of been a shocker to you...she did tell you she moved on and she met someone else. I know it hurts and often we think that the guy our X is marrying or with is better than us. And that is not true. The thing is that this guy is a better match for her. It has nothing to do with you not being as good as the next guy.

Understand this and you will be just fine.. You can say she was the right girl for you but I bet if you looked back you knew that she wasnt the one for you. You probably over looked a few flags here and there and you were happy that you were with someone. Time for you to find your ideal match, she is out there, you just have to smile and say hi, and let things happen..

I think you are a female and the ex is male? Just clarifying because that' what I gathered and responses think it's the other way around.

Anyhow, yes that is a low blow. But it will teach you -- when you break up with a person, don't follow them or their activities. Or even their parent's activities.

Move forward. Seek a therapist. Get busy with hobbies, career, friends, go to happy hour, be outgoing, go for a walk in the sunshine…it will help tons.

Thanks for the responses. I had about 2 hours sleep last night, it just hurts so much that we did not work out and she can move on so quickly. When we were together she didn't believe in marriage, just a piece of paper, after we split she said her views on marriage changed and that she falls in love hard and fast, I knew then in my heart she was with someone else and 2 weeks later I found out it was true. So it cuts deep that she now a romantic, found the 'one' and is making the commitment so quickly. Of course logically it does show that we were never to be etc. etc. also I know this has no bearing on my life we have broken up a while ago and its nothing to do with me. It just makes me feel like inadequate and like a failure, also just so jealous and hurt. I know that this is something I need to own and work on my reactions to it.

Pah. I am actually glad I saw this on facebook, I had been drinking last night before I looked, but I knew it would probably happen at some point and I am sure my mutual friends know or will find out and probably tell me, I can't stay ignorant of the facts forever. I just need to process this and continue with my healing, we are on very different paths. I am seeing my therapist next week so we will have lots to talk about.

Thanks again, I think the initial shock of this has knocked me for six, I guess part of me didn't want to believe she had moved on so quickly and was so happy but this is confirmation of what she was telling me after break up. bah.

It is a bit quick? But who are we to judge? Earlier this year I found out my ex of six years was in a relationship. Not married yet but I think he is approaching that age. It really did knock me for six and I really didn't want to know. I have a feeling it happened less than a year after our break up. It does cut deep and it feels like he can move on seamlessly and yet I fell apart.

Time helped me (it's a good few months on and over a year since the end) and complete NC! I thought about it a lot in my head and reasoned that I was devestated, I loved him and that's just who I was. It would take time to fade but in the mean time I needed to fill my life with thing that would help me meet new people. The pain wouldn't go completely and I woukd still feel numb but that relationship, which took years to build, would be replaced by others that take time to build? That's the sweet story I tell myself, anyway a little bit of hope goes a long way!

Keep going!

Hey, this is a positive, man. If my ex got involved with someone or got engaged, at least I could finally release myself from her in my mind. Yeah it's gonna suck, but at least it's closure. Some people never get that.

Thanks, you're right I need to see this as a positive. Its great to hear that people get over these things, I know logically that this is a temporary hurt and in the grand scheme of life probably a good thing (not ready to totally embrace that idea yet).

Weirdly enough after many months nc by ex left me a phone message today, about closing a joint account. It was from a private number and I assumed it was my cousin who usually comes up with that description - I had phoned my cousin 5 mins earlier, went to the bathroom and when I returned there was a message, I assumed it was from him and had such a shock to hear her voice I nearly dropped my phone! I think there was some divine intervention to send me to the bathroom as otherwise I would have picked up the call. I also know if I hadn't have found out what I did last night I would be totally seeing the message with a different meaning! Instead I know it is just about closing a bank account and tying up the loose ends, I will not be calling back though as I can sort it out without speaking to her, I know from my reaction of a message that speaking would upset me.

I am so happy to be able to write on this forum and have such understanding and positive responses, it really is crazy how much it means and helps process my emotions. Thank you

Hello,

I can not imagine what you are going through but please consider yourself extremely lucky. It would be even more horrible had you married her and she then went on to someone else.

I know it seems difficult but technically, you have reason to celebrate too... You are free my friend, you are free from ever having that "unwavering" feeling of... "getting back together". Although it hurts, you can now become excited in the anticipation of meeting someone new...

There will be a girl who will be so unbelievably thankful that you are in her life and will never let you go.

Good luck and you will be in my thoughts.

Ragamuffin, pretty good user Id, like it!

I didn't need to read much more than this thread to get a feel for what you're going through.

I don't think there is much that you've had to deal with recently that I've not had as well which is why I'm commenting on this thread.

Breakups suck! It's not just the loss of now, but the loss of what you hoped for in the future. Then if that's not enough, stuff happens that makes you question the past. Wow, what a monster, you are starting to wonder if any of the memories, future talk or terms of endearment were real.

I'm not sure what is worse, the breakup or the dishonesty that went on during the relationship (especially at the end). Actually, I can answer that ... it's the dishonesty. Leaves you pretty messed up. I've had a marriage fail after 14 years which almost killed me, but then had a relationship fail after 8 months which might have hurt me worse! But ... no more! I understand relationships for what they are now. Maybe they'll work, maybe for a couple months, maybe for 20 years, but they can end.

Going forward, and you must go forward, my advice to you is to be a little more selective and a little more protective of your heart.

Be your best (work out, fashion, career, friends, hobbies) so you have options ... and you will have options!

Nurture yourself and your life so your life is not so dependent on the love of another (this one is very important!).

Don't settle ... ever! If you wanted marriage, why would you accept someone who says they don't? Make it about you. It is about ... you ... right?

Be smart. Hollywood is not a guide of what to expect/hope for in life. Understand the laws of attraction as they are today. The expectations of yesterday are no longer applicable (even though the movies suggest they are).

The biggest challenge about getting dumped is not allowing it to scar you. This woman maybe was not that in to you. Maybe she learned/grew when you were together and was then ready. Maybe you put her on a pedestal and she figured she could do "better". Maybe you were in a LDR, and it just to difficult.

The certainty is, is that you find yourself free, not paying spousal or child support, not wondering where your 20 years went and why and have an unburdened life waiting for you! I'd have given a testicle to be in your situation once upon a time!

Clearly you're a nice, sensitive fellow who can love big! Excellent, lucky you! Work on yourself and channel some of that ability to love internally.

You're going to be just fine. You'll see!

tumbles.