Is having a female personal trainer wrong?

I get allot of satisfaction with this particular trainer I selected. I enjoy her company and view our training sessions as "dates". I listen to her instructions and I go to the gym on my own and faithfully complete my gym assignments. All we do is just work out in the gym together and she teaches new work-out routines.

On some of these sessions, to help with my body balance, she may hold my feet close to her chest or put her hands around my ankles, hips, or shoulder.

I just close my eyes and smile when she does that or feel very good inside.

I've written another thread on here on this section that got closed off. However, I feel the "age of innosence, or free riding" is coming to a close and at this stage I feel compelled to start declaring things to my girlfriend that could raise and eyebrow.

The alternate solutions is to get a male trainer, or another female trainer I'm not remotely attracted to - however, I feel that this is the primary motivation for going to the gym and being in good health and would likely just forget about going to the gym if I had to do that. I really like this trainer and I'm just happy around her (I think this is just a blackmail excuse on myself though).

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Prior to talking to my girlfriend about relationship boundaries and the time of what I though that pursuing other women for dating were okay, are over at this stage in the relationship, and now everything questionable has to go into account.

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Note: I need only a few direct responses or opinions (gym trainer having to be disclosed, or getting another trainer I'm not as "attracted" to). I already put her through the mill by asking her about relationship boundaries and need to know if this is relevant to this.

I'm thinking that she's dissapointed so far that I'm not thinking of her every day and appear to have too many outlets apart from her. At the risk of seeign this thread closed, I don't think it's necessary to discuss this relationship or my state of mind but to just stick to the facts of the thread and discussion.

You my friend are so twisted.

In a way, what makes it different than if you had just oggled a lady walking down the street....?

It's not like they are actual dates, this trainer wants your money. If you "picture" them as dates, then eugh! that's up to you.

Why are you so inclined on having a girlfriend if you keep wanting to have these moral gray areas?

a trainer is not a date!!! definitely, not anymore of a date than me going to my male dentist. he is touching me too and touching my mouth!

She is doing her job and you are reading way too much into this "relationship".. What else do you want us to tell you? I highly doubt she is "disappointed" that you aren't thinking of her everyday.

You are nothing more than a client to her, These are not dates. Why not actually go to the gym to work out?

You my friend are so twisted.

In a way, what makes it different than if you had just oggled a lady walking down the street....?

It's not like they are actual dates, this trainer wants your money. If you "picture" them as dates, then eugh! that's up to you.

 

Why are you so inclined on having a girlfriend if you keep wanting to have these moral gray areas?

I'm just talking about the level of satisfaction that is derived.

An analogy is going with a prostitute. People also go to prostitutes to get satisfaction. They are not dates either, but some people would consider that cheating because they are having sex with a hooker.

Now, a trainer isn't a prostitute, but if I enjoy her company and am deriving satisfaction, then that's emotional cheating?

I'm just talking about the level of satisfaction that is derived.

 

An analogy is going with a prostitute. People also go to prostitutes to get satisfaction. They are not dates either, but some people would consider that cheating because they are having sex with a hooker.

 

Now, a trainer isn't a prostitute, but if I enjoy her company and am deriving satisfaction, then that's emotional cheating?

How can any person in their right mind compare going to a prostitute to that of having a personal trainer at the gym...

Okay, the general concenus of this thread is this is not a threat and doesn't have to be declared like the other thread that was made and closed.

Thank you for the input. This matter is closed and I'll remain with this trainer.

I'm just talking about the level of satisfaction that is derived.

 

An analogy is going with a prostitute. People also go to prostitutes to get satisfaction. They are not dates either, but some people would consider that cheating because they are having sex with a hooker.

 

Now, a trainer isn't a prostitute, but if I enjoy her company and am deriving satisfaction, then that's emotional cheating?

I derive satisfaction when the cute asian lady brings me my big plate of sushi, green tea and miso soup. Am i emotionally cheating?

I mean seriously, if you find it obsesses your thought (like it seems it is), it's probably better to change trainers... it shouldn't be that difficult to go to the gym.

If it's all just an innocent crush that you know will never get anywhere and you are ok with that, then I don't see the big deal. I don't really see anything wrong with being attracted to your trainer.

However, are you in a relationship right now? If so, then I think that it's a bad idea to keep this trainer. Especially if your significant other has a problem with it. Obviously you can't control who you are attracted to, but it's one thing to be attracted to random people, and it's another thing to know you are attracted to someone else and to do stuff like this: "On some of these sessions, to help with my body balance, she may hold my feet close to her chest or put her hands around my ankles, hips, or shoulder. I just close my eyes and smile when she does that or feel very good inside." I would almost consider that cheating if you are in a relationship with someone else.

And if you are not in a relationship with someone, than do what you feel is right. Just know that your trainer probably does NOT feel the same way you do (unless she has told you otherwise). She does this stuff with ALL of her clients, not just you.

I derive satisfaction when the cute asian lady brings me my big plate of sushi, green tea and miso soup. Am i emotionally cheating?

I mean seriously, if you find it obsesses your thought (like it seems it is), it's probably better to change trainers... it shouldn't be that difficult to go to the gym.

No it doesn't obsess my thoughts. It's just I'm more cogniscent to emotional cheating from my last thread I made and a recent discussion with my girlfriend about our relationship boundaries and am maybe over-zealous. But I'm not obsessive about this trainer.

In your case, yes it's wrong.

I will go against the grain and say that it is absolutely wrong.

You need to set some clear morals and guidelines for yourself, and then stick to them. You strive to follow the instructions set out in the Bible, right? Is it not wrong, according to the Bible, to commit adultery in your mind? You strive to be loyal to your girlfriend, right? How would she feel if she knew the kind of sexual gratification you are getting from your training sessions?

We can't set your morals for you. You need to set them for yourself, and then stick to them.

There is nothing wrong with this relationship, except for your take on it. By the other threads of yours I've read, you constantly talk about this potential infidelity with other women, etc, etc like it isn't a CHOICE. You are a human being, which means you are able to rationally think beyond your base urges. I think it is natural to feel these things sometimes, but what separates us and makes us moral is the conscious decision to NOT act on these impulses.

Look if you want to "sow your wild oats" then just break up with your girlfriend and go carousing. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, then make the conscious decision to push the temptations out of your mind, and stay true. It's that simple.

If you don't feel you have the willpower to resist (which I think is a lame cop-out excuse) then yes, find a different trainer and never, EVER put yourself around anyone who might be tempting.

The level of gratification from training sessions would be similar to ballroom dancing in analogy and I wouldn't classify it as sexual. This is still on "emotional" and defining what is "emotional infidelity". There is no sexual things going on. I'm not touching any of her privates and she isn't touching any of mine, neither am I getting off. She's not a massage or erotic massage service either, purely training. I just enjoy her company and like her touch. Like a dance instructor.

Here is my two cents. Meeting with her is her job. It is not a date. It is not like prostitution at all as there is no sexual element, so I don't think you can compare the two at all. Thinking your personal trainer is attractive is not cheating as long as that is as far as it goes.

I sometimes see people and might think wow they look good, but that is as far as it goes, it goes no further because I have a girlfriend. I don't hope that I will end up going out with them. I don't need to because I have a girlfriend who I want to be with. Therefore this to me it is not cheating as I will not be doing anything, attempting or wishing I could go out with them instead of my girlfriend. I don't understand entirely your question. If you want to go out with your girlfriend above everyone else and be faithful there will be no grey areas even if you see people and think that they look good. You might need to ask yourself what you really think about your relationship.

Sexual feelings or not, if you are viewing the time you spend with your trainer as "dates" then it is cheating. Maybe not physically cheating, but it is mentally cheating.

No it doesn't obsess my thoughts. It's just I'm more cogniscent to emotional cheating from my last thread I made and a recent discussion with my girlfriend about our relationship boundaries and am maybe over-zealous. But I'm not obsessive about this trainer.

You wrote a thread. You think about it far too much than is healthy and probably should stop seeing this woman.

The training sessions are almost expired. Only about a few more to go.

I simply just will not renew once the sessions run out? At least, not renew with this trainer, but go with a male trainer instead or a female trainer (that looks like an male with short-hair that I would not be attracted to).

Last week I asked her if I need more sessions (i.e. to spend more time with her) to complete the program, and she mentioned something about being on the third phase of the program and needed 16 more session to complete. I don't think I'm genuinely concerned about the program itself more than spending time with her and I'm easing my conscious by doing "gym homework" on my own, lifting weights by myself and getting into shape as a perverse way of pleasing my trainer.

Just like a new law comes into effect, and there are usually warnings given out or a grace period to change a way things are being done, this is how matters of emotional infidelity are going to be handled here. Obviously, this is the first time I'm in a relationship and don't know nothing about what I'm doing here or what boundaries to keep -- but that period of innosence is ending very, very soon with this relationship.

I think you need to start thinking about if you really want your relationship instead of thinking of all the moral grays. If it's not the gym trainer, it's going to be the next girl at the bar, your nurse etc.... You will just keep finding more and more situations to analyze.

The nature of the problem isn't with the trainer, it's within you. You need to step back.

How can any person in their right mind compare going to a prostitute to that of having a personal trainer at the gym...

Yes exactly. Dude, I'm sorry, but you have some weird obsessions with female contact if what you're describing is true. I have a gorgeous male trainer and I have never once had the type of thoughts you're describing If anything he's a friend that kicks my butt for money, LOL

I wouldn't care if a boyfriend of mine had a female personal trainer if he were just really happy with the way she trained him. But what you're describing... relishing the contact between the two of you, fantasizing about her, looking forward to your interactions as if they were dates ... If a boyfriend of mine did that I would consider it creepy and extremely disrespectful. If I began to develop a crush on my trainer and was in a relationship, I would find another trainer.

Like Under my amberella said, coveting is also a sin ...

I'm just talking about the level of satisfaction that is derived.

 

An analogy is going with a prostitute. People also go to prostitutes to get satisfaction. They are not dates either, but some people would consider that cheating because they are having sex with a hooker.

 

Now, a trainer isn't a prostitute, but if I enjoy her company and am deriving satisfaction, then that's emotional cheating?

What??? SOME people would consider having sex with a prostitue, cheating??? Does that mean there are people who don't think sleeping with a hooker while in a relationship is cheating???

Yes, in this case, you are emotionally cheating on you're girlfriend. It's not any better or worse than physically cheating.

You need to either, dump your girlfriend and ask your trainer out or get rid of your trainer. My guess is, the trainer isn't interested in you. What she is doing, is her job and nothing more. If she knew about your girlfriend and how you felt about your training sessions, she'd probably be discusted and quit.

I think you have made a good decision to change trainers, Luke.

LOL You inspired me - I am now going out on a date with my trainer. I asked him out today, but I'm not seriously considering anything romantic. Just friends. But I thought of this thread, ha!