It's pretty clear to me that my ex is with somebody now... the guy that she was holding hands with in the photo at the time of her "confusion" about us. At the time, my ex used my reaction to this photo as a reason for breaking up with me. She said it was the "final straw".
I accused her of lying. I told her I wasn't stupid. You don't hold hands and get cosey in a corner with a friend. She got very angry and said "nothing's going on and you know it! I've done nothing wrong. If you're going to keep accusing me then don't bother speaking to me."
OK, I did over react but I was right it seems because a few months later she went and stayed with him for new year. As you all know by now.
The only thing that I can't get my head round is why to this day she's still not told me that she's with him.
I asked her at new year and she didn't respond to my text. She replied the next day but chose to ignore that question in particular. She called me when she got back from Glasgow and told me that she'd been in Glasgow but didn't mention anything to do with this guy. We spoke for two hours and it was really nice. Maybe she was going to tell me then but bottled it.
Then a few months later in LC, I asked her again and she ignored it and changed the subject. She used to always do this whenever I asked if she wanted to meet up or speak about us. She'd always make an excuse like "I'm sorry I'm so bad at texting back!".
The only time I got any sort of closure from her was in her email to me last weekend which looks like it was only written to ease her guilt. In my email to her, I told her that I'm sure the last thing she wants is me hanging around when she has a boyfriend. Again, she didn't mention this in her email back to me.
She said things like "it may seem like I've moved on" which kind of hints that she hasn't but then she said "I'm sure you're making up for lost time and I'm cool with that" which suggests that she doesn't care what the hell I'm up to because she's happy with her new boyfriend.
But surely if she was happy with somebody else now she'd tell me? It's pretty obvious so why is she trying to hide it still? Is she worried that it'll show her to be a liar and it'll make her look horrible? Is she just keeping it to herself because it'll hurt me more? Or does she maybe want to keep the option open knowing that I am still single?
When I split with my previous ex, she told me everything. She wasn't vague. She explained that she could no longer be with me and that she was with somebody else. A childhood friend and she was happy. Yes, it hurt, but I really appreciated her honesty looking back and we are now very close friends. Probably closer than when we were together in a weird way.
It's just horrible to sit here in NC and think of her every day when she's probably laughing about me and having the time of her life with her new boyfriend. I just feel so cheated because in her email to me, she made it seem like it was just circumstances that split us up. I just don't know what to believe anymore. I never thought she'd be the person to just dump me for a better offer but it kind of looks that way.
I know that it's none of my business and I shouldn't be beating myself up over something I can't control but I really do want her back. The reasons she gave for us breaking up in my opinion and repairable and I've been hanging on to that thought. But if the reasons she gave were all lies then I just feel sick that I've put myself through all of this * * * * for the past five months while all the time she's with her new guy.
I just don't know what to think anymore. I just don't understand how after nearly two years somebody can just decide "oh, I like this guy more, I'll dump my ex" and not only do it, but do it so coldly like the person doesn't matter. I doubt NC is going to do anything. It's been almost two weeks and I don't feel any better. If anything, I feel worse in a way because I've made a big stand that is probably being discussed and laughed at by her and her friends.
I just read her email and I just can't decide whether it's bull* * * * or genuine. I just wish I knew the truth. I was in limbo before I decide to go NC and I was sick of it and I am still in limbo now. Why did she have to reply to my email? What did she think it would achieve? It probably made her feel like a better person for sending it. But the truth is, had she not sent me a response I would've felt better because I feel like she's had the last word rather than me.
I have no reason to contact her and I won't but I thought that I'd have made SOME progress by now. I'd be willing to bet that she's a lot better off without me hanging around. I'm sure her new guy is very happy about that too.