How to tell if a guy is gay.

no_doubt · 12-12-2005, 12:23 PM

okay well i really like this guy at my school and soemtimes when he looks at me and/or touches me i get this feelin' he likes me too, but am just not sure, and as am not out to all my group of mates [my best mates know am bi] i don't want to ask until am sure or pretty sure he is gay. i know there is no 100% way to know unless you ask, but i would be very greatful if you could give me some tips and signs to look for. thanks

- no doubt

darkblue · 12-12-2005, 01:07 PM

Hi, and welcome to enotalone, neighbour!

Dependant on how he acts around you - could be signs.
Watch his body language, etc.

Are you friends with him?
Or his friend?

Could you find out if he has had past girlfriends?
You would have to do that subtly, so as not to show any deep interest in his love life - or you could be revealing your sexuality, which may increase difficulty for you.
I know it shouldn't, as we are a modern society, which should accept people as they are - unconditionally.
But unfortunately, it may.

no_doubt · 12-12-2005, 01:29 PM

yea am his mate, but we are not close or anythin'. he hangs around at lunch and break. he's only ever had one girlfriend which lasted a week and that was way back in primmary school.which i don't understand because he is really good lookin'! he has done things to me which make me think he likes me more than just a friend plus when our eyes meet it feels like we're lookin' at each other forever. but is it just me? one of my best mates said he fancys me and a few other people have said it too, but that don't really help when am not 100% sure, ya know? i just wish i knew.

- no doubt

darkblue · 12-12-2005, 01:33 PM

You could arrange it so that it is just the two of you, one day.
Then you could get a clearer picture of what his intentions are from how he acts around you.

The fact that people are telling you he has interest in you sounds in your favour.

darkblue · 12-12-2005, 01:47 PM

I don't advise it.
If he is straight - you may find that he informs people of you being bisexual, and you could face ridicule.

Jinx · 12-12-2005, 02:17 PM

Some key thoughts to keep in mind are how he acts around you.

Most but not all men will keep some form of eye contact with another, as it relates on a subconscious level, but straight men don't hold it any longer than they have to unless there is a serious emphasis or issue which requires it.

Typically holding eye contact beyond a regular level may be a sign of interest. This is one reason when strangers whom have no connection will look away when the topic is dead or eye contact is not needed as not to give improper signals, or they keep eye contact but as soon as the topic is over, its gone. Of course there are always complications, individuals whom are shy or submissive on a subconscious level will look away interest or not and rather not try.

Eye contact at its very animal base is a sign of dominance or challenge to the other being, especially for men it seems.

Another point but drastically less successful in reading is pupil dilation. You have to be in a more or less static lighting enviroment because pupils yes will change for moods but also for light and similar factors. I wish I had the study link and info but in general in this study:

When straight men look at a woman whom catches their fancy, their pupils will dilate. When they look at a man or woman whom holds absolutely no interest or disturbs them, the pupils will constrict to some extent.

Same difference as it applies to straight women and men of interest AND more importantly for us, to gay men and lesbians when they look at someone of the same sex whom is interesting. Yet like I say, have to be pretty stable here to read it well and mean something.

Next, men have a different set of values with personal space than women. Most straight men will keep just as close as need be to hear one another, they usually keep more of what is considered a casual public or social distance. Rarely will they mingle as much into the Friendly and Intimate space unless they are entirely comfortable or for some reason need to be that close. Otherwise it is threatening and causes defensive behavior in response. Have you ever just noticed an elevator full of straight men? Good illustration.

Secondly, most often when two individuals are interested in each other, they will with little thought start the action reflection. Which is, say one person is in a chair and the other is x distance away infront of the other, if you watch, while the conversation is going well and they're interested and/or relaxed, they will move forward. Repeat certain words and phrases. Move their hands similarly. I'm not saying every motion but they will to some extent. Watch a straight man and woman whom have an interest in one another and are discussing, you'll notice this...usually.

Anyhow, no note. Not good if he is straight, I've heard more than once about horrible situations where men have became extremely defensive about their sexuality if they even think another man is gay and flirting, much less written out. I'd say look for the above key ideas before making a move of any depth. Just give yourself a nice layer of padding with his actions before making your own.

no_doubt · 12-12-2005, 02:29 PM

Jinx thanks so much for that.

thing is he is always the one makin 'the moves' like he has now twice on two diff ocations grabbed my as* while i was sittin' on this 'pole' thing. the first time i was caught off gard and jumbed off and got away from him, but the next time he did it i just let him keep his hand there and i turned to look at him and he was lookin' right into my eyes i felt kinda weird so i turrned around and he removed his hand. he also sometime touches my legs when am sittin on this 'pole' thing. he once even put his hands on my face and he was right up close as if to kiss me but a mate called out "what the fu*k" and i pulled back and he removed his hands and backed away. he's always doin things that do make me think yea he likes me but, when some days go by and he's not talked to me or done anythin' i think he don't but maybe thats my fault cuz am not so touchy feely as he is. this is drivin' me mad.

he also normaly tries to site beside me and is always sayin' hi when he sees me but being me i just blank him. i don't mean to, it's just he confuses me so much. i don't know what he wants from me.

- no doubt

KIDD · 12-12-2005, 03:11 PM

Jinx had some very very GOOD advice!! I agree with her on the eye contact thing. I can always sorta tell who's attracted to me by the way they look at me. If their pupils dilate (meaning getting bigger), or their eyes get shiny & dreamy eyed.. those are good signs too.Staring I think is a big sign! People of the same sex don't usually stare at one another for a long time. I don't see a reason why they would stare at you other than they fancy you.However there isn't a 100% sure way to tell unless he just tells you for a fact!

I think he's attracted to you. I say flirt with him back & see his response.

FoxLocke · 12-12-2005, 03:15 PM

I'm still new at it, but I do believe that it is all in the eyes. The eyes are the mirror to the soul...
But I get so nervous making eye contact with people for too long because I'm kinda shy...lol.
When there are gay men that I am NOT attracted to then I don't make any eye contact.

no_doubt · 12-12-2005, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thakid001

Jinx had some very very GOOD advice!! I agree with her on the eye contact thing. I can always sorta tell who's attracted to me by the way they look at me. If their pupils dilate (meaning getting bigger), or their eyes get shiny & dreamy eyed.. those are good signs too.Staring I think is a big sign! People of the same sex don't usually stare at one another for a long time. I don't see a reason why they would stare at you other than they fancy you.However there isn't a 100% sure way to tell unless he just tells you for a fact!

I think he's attracted to you. I say flirt with him back & see his response.

am gonna try flirtin' back dis week and see what happens, thanks for that

- no doubt

12-12-2005, 12:23 PM	#1
no_doubt Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Scotland Gender: Male Posts: 10	How to tell if a guy is gay. okay well i really like this guy at my school and soemtimes when he looks at me and/or touches me i get this feelin' he likes me too, but am just not sure, and as am not out to all my group of mates [my best mates know am bi] i don't want to ask until am sure or pretty sure he is gay. i know there is no 100% way to know unless you ask, but i would be very greatful if you could give me some tips and signs to look for. thanks - no doubt

12-12-2005, 01:07 PM	#2
darkblue Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Gender: Male Posts: 5,070	Hi, and welcome to enotalone, neighbour! Dependant on how he acts around you - could be signs. Watch his body language, etc. Are you friends with him? Or his friend? Could you find out if he has had past girlfriends? You would have to do that subtly, so as not to show any deep interest in his love life - or you could be revealing your sexuality, which may increase difficulty for you. I know it shouldn't, as we are a modern society, which should accept people as they are - unconditionally. But unfortunately, it may. __________________ _________________ Aut vincere aut mori. "Whoever loves; becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism - J.P. Sartre

12-12-2005, 01:33 PM	#4
darkblue Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Gender: Male Posts: 5,070	You could arrange it so that it is just the two of you, one day. Then you could get a clearer picture of what his intentions are from how he acts around you. The fact that people are telling you he has interest in you sounds in your favour. __________________ _________________ Aut vincere aut mori. "Whoever loves; becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism - J.P. Sartre

12-12-2005, 01:47 PM	#5
darkblue Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Gender: Male Posts: 5,070	I don't advise it. If he is straight - you may find that he informs people of you being bisexual, and you could face ridicule. __________________ _________________ Aut vincere aut mori. "Whoever loves; becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself. That is the first principle of existentialism - J.P. Sartre

12-12-2005, 02:29 PM	#7
no_doubt Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Scotland Gender: Male Posts: 10	Jinx thanks so much for that. thing is he is always the one makin 'the moves' like he has now twice on two diff ocations grabbed my as* while i was sittin' on this 'pole' thing. the first time i was caught off gard and jumbed off and got away from him, but the next time he did it i just let him keep his hand there and i turned to look at him and he was lookin' right into my eyes i felt kinda weird so i turrned around and he removed his hand. he also sometime touches my legs when am sittin on this 'pole' thing. he once even put his hands on my face and he was right up close as if to kiss me but a mate called out "what the fuk" and i pulled back and he removed his hands and backed away. he's always doin things that do make me think yea he likes me but, when some days go by and he's not talked to me or done anythin' i think he don't but maybe thats my fault cuz am not so touchy feely as he is. this is drivin' me mad. he also normaly tries to site beside me and is always sayin' hi when he sees me but being me i just blank him. i don't mean to, it's just he confuses me so much. i don't know what he wants from me. - no doubt Last edited by no_doubt; 12-12-2005 at 02:35 PM.*

12-12-2005, 01:29 PM	#3
no_doubt Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Scotland Gender: Male Posts: 10	yea am his mate, but we are not close or anythin'. he hangs around at lunch and break. he's only ever had one girlfriend which lasted a week and that was way back in primmary school.which i don't understand because he is really good lookin'! he has done things to me which make me think he likes me more than just a friend plus when our eyes meet it feels like we're lookin' at each other forever. but is it just me? one of my best mates said he fancys me and a few other people have said it too, but that don't really help when am not 100% sure, ya know? i just wish i knew. - no doubt

12-12-2005, 02:17 PM	#6
Jinx Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: (Soon-to-be) Wyoming Gender: Female Posts: 645	Some key thoughts to keep in mind are how he acts around you. Most but not all men will keep some form of eye contact with another, as it relates on a subconscious level, but straight men don't hold it any longer than they have to unless there is a serious emphasis or issue which requires it. Typically holding eye contact beyond a regular level may be a sign of interest. This is one reason when strangers whom have no connection will look away when the topic is dead or eye contact is not needed as not to give improper signals, or they keep eye contact but as soon as the topic is over, its gone. Of course there are always complications, individuals whom are shy or submissive on a subconscious level will look away interest or not and rather not try. Eye contact at its very animal base is a sign of dominance or challenge to the other being, especially for men it seems. Another point but drastically less successful in reading is pupil dilation. You have to be in a more or less static lighting enviroment because pupils yes will change for moods but also for light and similar factors. I wish I had the study link and info but in general in this study: When straight men look at a woman whom catches their fancy, their pupils will dilate. When they look at a man or woman whom holds absolutely no interest or disturbs them, the pupils will constrict to some extent. Same difference as it applies to straight women and men of interest AND more importantly for us, to gay men and lesbians when they look at someone of the same sex whom is interesting. Yet like I say, have to be pretty stable here to read it well and mean something. Next, men have a different set of values with personal space than women. Most straight men will keep just as close as need be to hear one another, they usually keep more of what is considered a casual public or social distance. Rarely will they mingle as much into the Friendly and Intimate space unless they are entirely comfortable or for some reason need to be that close. Otherwise it is threatening and causes defensive behavior in response. Have you ever just noticed an elevator full of straight men? Good illustration. Secondly, most often when two individuals are interested in each other, they will with little thought start the action reflection. Which is, say one person is in a chair and the other is x distance away infront of the other, if you watch, while the conversation is going well and they're interested and/or relaxed, they will move forward. Repeat certain words and phrases. Move their hands similarly. I'm not saying every motion but they will to some extent. Watch a straight man and woman whom have an interest in one another and are discussing, you'll notice this...usually. Anyhow, no note. Not good if he is straight, I've heard more than once about horrible situations where men have became extremely defensive about their sexuality if they even think another man is gay and flirting, much less written out. I'd say look for the above key ideas before making a move of any depth. Just give yourself a nice layer of padding with his actions before making your own.

12-12-2005, 03:11 PM	#8
KIDD Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Stone Mountain, Georgia Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 438	Jinx had some very very GOOD advice!! I agree with her on the eye contact thing. I can always sorta tell who's attracted to me by the way they look at me. If their pupils dilate (meaning getting bigger), or their eyes get shiny & dreamy eyed.. those are good signs too.Staring I think is a big sign! People of the same sex don't usually stare at one another for a long time. I don't see a reason why they would stare at you other than they fancy you.However there isn't a 100% sure way to tell unless he just tells you for a fact! I think he's attracted to you. I say flirt with him back & see his response.

12-12-2005, 03:15 PM	#9
FoxLocke Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Across 110th Street Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 992	I'm still new at it, but I do believe that it is all in the eyes. The eyes are the mirror to the soul... But I get so nervous making eye contact with people for too long because I'm kinda shy...lol. When there are gay men that I am NOT attracted to then I don't make any eye contact. __________________ "Tyger! Tyger! burning bright In the forests of the night, What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?" 1794 William Blake