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Batya33

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Batya33 last won the day on May 12

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  1. When were you expected to arrive and when did you tell them you would be there? Why is it important to you to have a group of people who all want to do the same thing at the same time? Why not seek out individual friendships? It sounds like you and C don't have a lot in common and you don't like C. But they do. That can happen in groups of course. Group dynamics can change especially if one person's lifestyle is changing. I had friends who were unwilling to accommodate my new schedule when I had a baby, and who were unwilling to make only tentative plans when I worked very long and unpredictable hours from age 28-42. I had acquaintance groups. Monthly dinner/networking group, monthly book club meeting, like that but mostly I made plans one on one, or with other couples, or sometimes with 2 friends. If it's that important for you to have a "group" then accept that that is often harder to find -as you're seeing now in a group dynamic that is not working for you.
  2. I think instinctively most people notice their surroundings -survival instinct and natural human condition -taking in your surroundings, noticing something particularly attractive or unusual - my son interrupts our morning conversations as we walk a mile to a bus stop to notice a beautiful bird or sometimes a cute dog being walked. He apologizes for interrupting. It's not instinctive at all IMO to stare -that is a choice -and it's offensive to men as a gender to suggest they can't help themselves but stare or ogle. This is why you don't see this happening let's say in a workplace during a meeting or a business lunch. People who want to behave in a thoughtful, respectful way and find themselves having started some bad habit - care enough to do the work so that they do not make others uncomfortable. People who are decent in their character and integrity want others around them to feel comfortable in their own skin even if something has developed into a bad habit. Habits aren't instincts either.
  3. What I would do is go back to doing one on one things with A. He's a friend and this arrangement sounds more like activity focused than a friend group - you're hanging out together because of the game and the pub not because you're close friends with them. How often do you chat about personal stuff in between games? Also I don't blame them for how they behaved when you were late. I'm a person who is always timely barring a true and very rare emergency and it sounds like your expectations when you were late because of laundry were unrealistic.
  4. Your interactions with Alex didn't sound like a healthy friendship or fun. Too one sided/caretaker stuff. Do you think some of them were concerned you were trying to date them or hook up with them?
  5. Congrats on the 5k and thanks for explaining! Sounds frustrating to deal with -your brother's choices/perspective.
  6. Does he treat his customers and employees this way too? I bet not. Do you have kids? I'd call it a day at some point -he doesn't seem to want to change his behavior.
  7. I wouldn’t take it personally. You know he has autism and he has less control over his filters. I’ll let others with more knowledge chime in as to whether he’s doing enough to work on how he treats you and his level of sensitivity as far as getting overstimulated. My dad had a mental illness and poor social skills so he said some embarrassing and sometimes disrespectful stuff. However. He complied with therapy and meds plus he had a really good heart. He really meant well. And he was a doctor who really cares about his work and patients etc. It helped me forgive him - later in life especially- it was obvious he wanted the best for us. That went a long way. I am NOT saying autism or ASD is a mental illness at all. I’m simply saying I had intimate first hand experience with a family member with special needs and in his case a disability. I’m not meaning to apply wrong labels here. I have many friends with kids who are on the spectrum. if the way he treats you doesn’t work for you I’d leave. This I mean separately. Even if it’s because of or exacerbated by his autism you don’t have to date him or be in a serious relationship if it’s this much of a struggle. I’m sorry you’re frustrated. You seem to be twisting yourself in a pretzel to accommodate him.
  8. Many congratulations and I'm so glad it worked out! I hope you have some time to yourself and time to celebrate!
  9. Does he work? Does he control this at work? On an interview? When he is out to lunch with his grandma? Please.
  10. I think he meant that sometimes if a woman is into a man rather than treat him like a buddy she'll sort of put him in his place, in a flirtatious way- draw attention to the flirting etc. I also know of many people who are friendly and pleasant and then -it's friendship caught on fire. However it happens a person who wants to date another person will respond with enthusiasm and either say yes or no -I am busy that day but I'd love to reschedule. Or suggest a specific day they are free. The only sign that someone wants to date you is if the person either asks for a date planned in advance or accepts an invitation with enthusiasm. There are no signs otherwise - some people like flirting and feel chemistry but don't want to date the person, some people are friendly like that in general and don't want to date, etc. Many reasons.
  11. If it's that bad -how you interact - you need more than a mediator. I'd walk away. I don't think you're going to get past this or will "unhear" what he said no matter how much time passes. Especially since it was multiple comments.
  12. I think it's individual. For me -yes, dealbreaker but I didn't tend to date the sort of men who would behave that way. Certainly moreso witih first meets where my sense of the person through the few messages and phone calls didn't match up with reality Here are some dealbreakers I had involving comments on a first meet or date or a second date. He bragged about threatening a stranger on a bus with physical violence who was rude to him and if I remember he did hit the guy. He told me his mother did "nothing!" as a SAHM -told me this twice. He told me his coworkers were really really dumb (months later he contacted me again on the same site- I told him why I had declined a second date - and he said his mother gave his father a second chance after a bad first date -but for me it was still a no go. He told me he wasn't dating anyone seriously but was having casual sex once a week or so with some gal he knew. He told me his doctor told him to stop smoking weed and he wasn't sure if he would. But these are individual to me -I didn't date men who smoked or used illegal drugs or drank a lot, I didn't date men who were comfortable with casual sex (as an adult -I didn't care much if during college they'd had their fun/gone through some sort of phase). Other women not only were fine with this but did the same so it would be a positive. I don't remember the ogling other women issue. From what Sindy described it would be a dealbreaker.
  13. You've chosen not to accept -not "can't" - has he changed such that he never makes those sorts of comments or just not as often? Why does he need to talk to you about anything if it's not happening -what are the talks about -how do you show you are choosing not to trust him?
  14. Yes- been there. And opposite -never imagined and -there was interest! Glad you tried - doesn't matter what co workers perceive -she is not interested in dating you and better to move on now so you don't waste time ruminating and you'll be open to someone enthusiastic about dating you!
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