Batya33

I think it's too much with a man who lies and has told you, basically, you're getting traded in when you're the age he deems cannot keep up with his energy (must take a lot of energy to leave stuff with his DOB lying around). Or heaven forbid you get some illness etc like my friend in her early 40s who is in and out of hospitals with MS and sometimes depression and pain and is right now using a walker -the person with the energy is in her 70s -her MIL moved to where they live some years ago to help with their child. I hope OP you stay extremely healthy in every way -just please don't venture even one step more with a man who is telling you that you're only worth dating if you meet his criteria -but of course you have to give him another chance after this pile of manure lying as Miss Canuck mentioned. No need to scrape the bottom of the barrel OP. I don't think the age gap per se is a dealbreaker. Maybe a factor to consider just like people typically consider such things when they choose who to date.

But he already told her he doesn't want a woman who now is his age so she already knows she'll be traded in given his presumption that younger is -- more "energy". Also assume that if he could be this devious and manipulative in his lying -leaving "hints" imagine what other aspects of his life are affected. Won't you wonder if you're supposed to go on a regular scavenger hunt when he leaves clues around about -I don't know -his infidelity, his shady business dealings, whether he's still employed, and heaven forbid if you ever buy property with him or have your name associated with his? Assume this is his MO -his approach to justifying misleading people and outright lying so long as it makes life more pleasurable for him.

Yes -that appears very unstable on his part.

OP be very very careful in dating this man to stay youthful and energetic and heaven help you if you were to fall ill or be out of sorts from I don't know -menopause etc. Are you in tip top shape? Youthful looking? I mean obviously he's basically told you you'll get traded in for a younger model eventually. Right? (Oh and he's full of it -I am 57, became a mom at 42 -married my husband who was 42 - -and I have overall had much more energy than in my 30s because of positive changes in diet, exercise, hydration etc. I know many women like me. Also didn't you catch him in his lie so what's with the apology for not "telling you sooner" - anyone's guess if he was ever going to tell you.

But at some point you will date grown up women who maybe are a bit more mature? Yes people change partners, date more than one person which is fine, but typically if someone is only dating someone else casually and sees someone else they are interested in they won't mention the other person - because it's ok to go on a date with someone when you're not committed elsewhere. She told you because it's a way to let you down easily since she has to see you at the gym.

Yes and as far as you knowing she won't choose the option of dangling both of you -or just you -as you wrote above -here's the thing -you also didn't think she'd pull this. And once someone exits as she does -especially to be with an ex -you don't really know the person well anymore in that sense. They're moving on living their own life, creating new and significant memories with someone else. I'm sorry. "Holding on to hope" is cute in a movie and damaging to you physically and emotionally in this situation.

I agree it's a bad look -she could have said thanks for the offer but I'm good or - "instead-please give to your favorite charity you and/or your mom support with the coffee money. I'd be honored" Also the OP didn't have to tell her boyfriend - unless he asked for the cashapp on IG -again too much social media shenanigans it seems.

Basically same-ish here.

I agree and I suspect that is why she's not asking. The only time that worked fine for me was at a short time in my life when I was happy just to date people casually. I met a guy who was kind, smart, fun and had nice friends. For 6 months we saw each other typically one evening a week and the last month or so more like twice a week. We both realized it wasn't going anywhere and we "broke up" amicably. Back then only landlines so we spoke once or twice a week (not even e-mail - 1994!) and one time he called me from his business trip in Berlin -long distance! -and I was so excited he thought of me - but it worked because neither of us was that into the other- we just had fun going on dates and it never progressed. To me that's the only way this sort of arrangement works -when neither is focused on getting more serious. You are OP and you're focusing on the texting when the real issue is he doesn't want to share his life with you/invite you into more of his life. I'd exit.

But you're not happy with the way it always has been. Instead of considering -why not just ask? And if you think the answer will be no and feed your worries -that is your answer too. Do you see yourself being with him long term?

What do you mean - what do you do to see him more often?

He means she's dating someone but doesn't have a serious bf.

Why don't you see each other more often?

So if you start dating her and are getting serious you're cool with her flirting with other guys? To the extent she is with you?

Good for you!