Don't know what to do...

[Tigris]

Don't push E into going to a disco, sound her out first. Can she dance? Has she been to a disco before? Don't forget she's not into socialising yet.

 

Throwing her into something she regards as being 'big' could make her return into her shell.

[millaj]

Wow, I just read all of the posts in this thread. I don't know where to begin. First I want to say that Wayfara, you are really good with the English language. I cannot tell that it isn't your first language. You are a pretty good writer and story teller. You should think about continuing your education in creative writing.

 

Second, whoa, if you threw snails at my head when I was a kid, I wouldn't have forgave you unless I had a thing for you (meaning a crush of some sort). I think she straight out told you how she felt when she said she likes you more than she should. But then again, I think that you did the right thing by telling her you two were even by her doing that to you.

 

I have to say, the tickling scenes really had me on the edge of my seat. Especially the part where she got something to tie you up. Man, my mind was going a mile a minute. Your really good at this and I think that you already know how it is going to end up.

 

Just take it one day at a time and be her friend. It's ok to tease and stuff because she is obviously not developed in her sexuality to even know what she wants. It's obvious she doesn't want to be with a man though. She seems to really have a bond with you and vise versa. Don't push her away by coming on too strong. She will get it when it is time and maybe she will fall in love with you. However, don't compromise your wants and needs by waiting for her, because you will only be unhappy and hold that over her head in the end.

 

Imagine this, you two end up falling in love and things are going perfect, then you start growing and fighting and lose interest in each other. Then all the sudden you don't even have a friend anymore. It's a good scenario because this happens more than you think.

 

Ponder this.. do you see her in your life forever as a best friend? Or do you just see her as a challenge and something you want to keep around to see if you can break through into her shell? It's something you need to figure out so that you don't go through future heartache and pain. Relationships are hard and you should find out if you can see yourself in a relationship with her if she comes around or if you just want to be her friend only.

 

Good luck with this.. I am looking forward to following your post, because I am really interested in your story. I don't even know you but I can imagine what the both of you look like, the houses, the neighborhood, etc. Keep up your imaginative writing, I think you have a future in it. By the way, what is your first language and nationality if you don't mind sharing?

 

MJ

[aquatic]

O/T: For some reason, I'm under the impression that you're Dutch. LOL. I don't know why exactly.

 

I like how the dinner convo turned out the way we hoped it would. Nice.

 

Disco? No. Start with smaller steps-- like recreational activities. What's E into aside from cooking? (seems that girl is cooking all the time), or maybe something food/cooking related isn't a bad idea-- like go on a food trip. Or try to drag her to the park... play frisbee or just hang out, swim at the lake or whatever. Or watch a movie or do an overnight tv series marathon at her house... whatever you decide on, drag along one other friend whom you think would sincerely enjoy the activity as well (not the whole gang! just one or two-- and preferably someone who didn't bully her before; or you two make new friends, say in a school club or something.), until she's very comfortable with it. Then just add another person to the group gradually.

 

Take note tho that there is a difference between someone who likes hanging out with a intimate small crowd as opposed to someone who doesn't know how to make friends, so just be guided by her reactions.

 

You could be bisexual or this could be just a phase. Don't stress yourself over it for now, it's not yet that clear for you anyway. Don't pressure yourself wrt to your mother's acceptance. If you are sure you are gay, the best time to tell her would be when you've moved out and can live on your own. There are only two ways she'll take it, and I won't be surprsied if she goes ballistic over it. So in the worst case scenario, when you're on your own two feet, at least you'll be in a place where you're not helpless. Until then, just go with the flow.

[Wayfara]

Don't push E into going to a disco

 

Okay I won’t force her to disco .

 

What's E into aside from cooking?

 

Well she likes anime, philosophy, psychology, strategy games, making stop motion movies…

 

For some reason, I'm under the impression that you're Dutch.

 

Lol, sorry but I’m not Dutch.

 

you are really good with the English language

 

Thank you Millaj. I’m from Sweden so my first language is Swedish. When I’m reading or writing posts I always have a dictionary beside me in case I don’t understand something or know the word in English, and I do write more stilted in English than I would do in Swedish as I don’t know the slang or the common phrases.

 

Imagine this, you two end up falling in love and things are going perfect, then you start growing and fighting and lose interest in each other. Then all the sudden you don't even have a friend anymore. It's a good scenario because this happens more than you think.

 

Lol, it resembles one of E’s arguments to why one should never enter a relationship, because relationships never last and afterward the participants of it hate each other.

 

I have thought about it too. Even if E has worse opinion than me about relationships I do somehow have a bit cynical opinion about it myself and sometimes I almost think that E has right. She says that she has yet to see a happy long term relationship, I can’t give her my parents example because even if they have been married twenty years I don’t consider it a happy marriage (even if my mother claims to be happy despite that my father sometimes hit her). The truth is that I’ve yet to see a happy long term relationship too. Even if I would agree with E that it would be better not getting a crush ever it’s already too late for me as I already have one. If E would be interested in a relationship with me I wouldn’t say no to her but if the relationship turned out to only last let us say two months I think I would regret it afterward for losing her as a friend only for a short fling. It’s a pain that you cannot know beforehand if a relationship will last.

 

During the break when I was with E I said hello to a girl I knew was into anime and we started talking to her, well I talked to her, E didn’t say a word. I tried to incorporate E in the conversation but she responded only monosyllabic to my comments, and this only when she really had to. Well I told the girl that E and I were also into anime and I asked her if she had any good ones we could watch. The girl was thrilled and said that we could come over anytime we wanted. I suggested Wednesday. For the first time during the conversation E said something willingly, she told us to not include her in our plans as she would be doing other things Wednesday. I said that we could take another day during the week.

E: “I’m sorry, I’ll be occupied with other things whole week.”

Well I had to set up a time to watch anime alone with that girl. After the girl had gone I asked E what plans she had for the week.

E: “I don’t know yet.”

Me: “So you lied.”

E: “No, I’ll definite be occupied doing something.”

 

Well it didn’t turn out so good. I think that if I asked her if I could bring someone with me to her place she would say no. Should I drag someone along without asking for her permission? But I have a feeling that it would make her angry with me.

[Tigris]

She doesn't want to be with anyone else but you at the moment. I suggest you don't try to include her with anything else unless it's only the two of you.

[aquatic]

No, don't bring someone to her place without her permission.

 

Tough nut to crack. Guess it's just you and her for now, enjoy the quality time

[Deviant_Kate]

DEFINITELY don't bring someone to her place without permission. It sounds like E is only comfortable hanging out with you right now. I wouldn't put her in uncomfortable situations if I were you. My girlfriend is really touchy about our apartment - she hates having surprise visitors. She says this apartment is like her sanctuary, and she doesn't want the outside world to come in, especially if she's not prepared.

 

Maybe E feels like her apartment is her safe space - HER sanctuary. Don't violate that by bringing other people in. You should consider yourself incredibly lucky that she lets YOU in. Feel honored.

[Aueft]

Perhaps one of the most interesting threads on eNotalone.

[Wayfara]

Okay I won’t take a surprise visitor with me to her; she would probably never forgive if I did that.

 

I met E this morning at her place as we had decided to have a picnic as we had no school today. I gave her a DVD movie she had mentioned she liked which I had bought cheap. She was happy about it and said she didn’t know how to thank me. I suggested she could give me a peck on my cheek, I don’t know why I said that. For the first couple of seconds she just looked at me.

E: “It’s joke, right? You wouldn’t want that.”

I laughed a bit so she would think that it indeed was joke. Then we went of to a glade in the woods. We had a good time, E had made something to eat and we had something to read and we talked a lot.

Me: “Too bad for you that you have no cord with you today.”

I started to tickle her (I regret that I did it now). She couldn’t keep herself from laughing and she continually begged me to stop doing that to her but naturally I didn’t do as she said. Eventually she pushed me down on the blanket to make me stop; my heart was racing as a train while having her over me. She said that just because she hadn’t a cord it didn’t mean that she couldn’t do other things to me. She asked me if I ever heard of sock-torture, she and her brothers used to do that a lot to each other. It involves putting ones used socks into the mouth of the victim.

E: “So what do you decide? Are you going to be a good girl?”

Me: “Yes, yes I will.”

E: “So you’ll stop being naughty now?”

Me: “Yes, I’ll be very good.”

She kept holding me down for awhile, looking down on me (probably to show me that she was serious). While we were looking each other in the eyes I wished that it would continue forever. She suddenly got up very brusque and said that we better go back. During the way back she wasn’t very talkative, chilly, not rude but very short.

 

Maybe she’s beginning to suspect what kind of effect she has on me and was taken aback by repugnance. I really have to start acting cooler around her, stop with the teasing or she’ll figure me out. I’m always thinking before meeting her that I’ll do these things but when I’m with her I do the opposite, get more impulsive, giggle too much, blush, all the wrong things. Why can’t I stop being so smitten by her so I can be normal around her? I don’t want her to hate me; I wish I could undo what I did during the picnic, for being so obvious ](*,).

 

Maybe not seeing her for a week or two would be good for me and she’ll forget about this during the time, I don’t know. Maybe she’ll try to distance herself from me now; if she does I suppose that I’ll just have to accept that.

[Aueft]

I don't know that not seeing you for a WEEK or TWO would be the best option, but perhaps a day or two. Next time you see her, I think definitely concentrate on being more cool and WAY less obvious.

[maybetomorrow]

I think a week or two is loo long of a "break".

 

Give things a couple days to settle down.

[aquatic]

I think if you suddenly become distant, this will become a bigger issue than it actually is. Do some damage control before she overthinks. I can't vouch that this is the best solution, but it's what I'll probably do-- next time you go over to her place, as per normal schedule, find a right moment to lightly mention, "I probably tease too much. That always gets me into trouble. I know you really got annoyed last time, sorry (apologetic laugh). Though I promise to try to stop, for as long as I can, you just let me know if you can't take it anymore, okay? I don't want to be known as the person who drove E crazy."

 

And try to be more careful next time. If it turns out she's not into you, I don't think the news, that the reason her very first real friend wants to be her friend is because she has the hots for her, will be well-received. You like her as a friend too but she might not see it that way.

 

Do you spend all your free time with her? If yes, I suggest you also spend time with other people as well, like your old group or the anime girl.

[Aueft]

Make sure you don't accidentally call her "E."

 

That would be bad. >_>

[millaj]

Make sure you don't accidentally call her "E."

 

That would be bad. >_>

 

Haha..

 

Perhaps one of the most interesting threads on eNotalone.

OMG, yes!

 

Wayfara, good luck.. I also agree, don't take a couple weeks off from her.. just stay busy and keep taking things slow and be yourself.

[Wayfara]

Make sure you don't accidentally call her "E."

 

Lol, I’ll try not to do that.

 

Do you spend all your free time with her?

 

No, I don’t think E would bare me that much and my friends would hate me if stopped seeing them for her But I do treat E as if she was my best friend, I have told her things I haven’t told my other friends, I have discussed things with her I haven’t with them (well that’s because they think that anything about philosophy is really boring and E is the only one I know who likes it), maybe it’s too early to treat her as a best friend.

 

Do some damage control before she overthinks.

 

Thank you for the advice, I did as you said.

 

I had a short talk with E at school. I told her that I sometimes tease too much, that I was sorry that I got her annoyed yesterday and that I would try to stop with it.

E: “Annoyed? No. You don’t need to feel guilty because it had nothing to do with what you did, I just got a strange thought.”

Me: “What strange thought?”

E: “Don’t press me about it.”

Then she apologized for having been unlikable yesterday.

 

I don’t know, she still isn’t her usual self. I’m glad that she doesn’t blame me for anything though, but then I’m thinking that maybe she’s just saying that to be nice but in reality is indeed very irritated at me. She was in such a good mood at the beginning at the picnic and then she so suddenly changed and I can’t see other reason to it than she got angry with me. That strange thought she had must be that I seem to like her too much. Well I’ll try to be more careful in the future and maybe she will discard it as a silly thought. I hope that she soon will act as normal around me again.

[Tigris]

Did she sit on top of you?

[Wayfara]

No, she didn’t sit on me, she had one leg and arm of each side of me, looking down at me (I don’t know if I explained it well, it's a bit hard doing that in English, but I hope you understand).

[aquatic]

Guess that's good enough, as long as there's no cold war happening.

 

but in reality is indeed very irritated at me.

Maybe not irritated, but her mind's definitely onto something, so lay low

[aquatic]

I forgot to add, just to be on the safe side, I think it would be smart to prepare a little speech in case she does confront you, should her 'strange thought' turn out to be right. She's anti-social, but she's not dumb, yknow Prepare something so that you won't panic and helplessly start pouring out your entire soul to her.

 

If she does ask (and she seems cross about it), first of all, don't answer asap. We know you panic and blush easily, lol.

 

Pause awhile and BREATHE. Compose yourself.

 

Then say something along the lines of, "I guess I like you more than my other friends because I can talk to you more, even things I can't talk with them about, etc....(add other qualities you like in her)". And hope it stops at that.

 

If worse comes to absolute worst and she demands more answers, the most you should lightly admit to is, "I suppose you could say I have a little girl-crush on you, but nothing serious. You're just fun to hang out with..."

 

Then end your explanation with, "Is that weird for you?"

 

Hope this helps, and that may you never have to use it For some reason, I feel like you're a little sister I'm sending off to the wilds... lol

[Wayfara]

For some reason, I feel like you're a little sister I'm sending off to the wilds...

 

Lol, you do? I have always wondered how it would feel like having a sister or brother to be worried about.

 

Guess that's good enough, as long as there's no cold war happening

 

At school she said that I could come and visit her tomorrow so I don’t think she, at least consciously, is using some cold war tactic. She is friendly and all but she still is awkward around me, I’m pretty sure she suspects something. I hope she isn’t inviting me just to confront me. Well thank you for the backup plan Aquatic. I hope that I won’t need to use it but it’s best to be prepared.

[Tigris]

How did it go?

[Wayfara]

It went pretty well, E was a bit distant from beginning but after awhile she returned to her normal self. She suggested that we could go to her brother tomorrow and finish the game as we hadn’t the time to do that the last time. He’s the sibling she uses to visit the most as they constantly challenge each other in different games, chess, card games and right now they are into this strategy game.

Me: “Your brother really likes teasing us. It doesn’t bother me that much but I hope he doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Well I hadn’t had the opportunity to use defence tactic until then. She muttered something about that he thought she couldn’t be straight just because she didn’t seem to if get attracted to men. I asked her if she ever had felt attracted to anybody.

E: “If I have I wouldn’t tell anyone about it.”

 

Then when we were at the store to buy some ingredients (to some rolls E had planned to bake for tomorrow) a guy came forward and scolded E for playing ice queen and said that he was hurt that she never talked to him. E said she was sorry and the guy went. I asked her if it was an old boyfriend.

E: “Certainly not!”

Me: “Who was he then?”

Well she made me promise not laugh at her and then she told me that this guy had approached her during a break with his gang and said “I like you”. Apparently she had got such a shock that her mind went blank. It ended with that the guy and his friends had to go to their class without E even saying a word. Well she asked her brother for advice and he told her to go either out with him or tell him they could start as friends but E neither wanted to go out with him or have him as a friend so she was still clueless about how to handle the situation. So whenever this guy came up to her saying comments like before without making a direct question E didn’t know what to say and consequently didn’t say anything at all and she had tried her best to avoid seeing him as she felt bad for being silent and was very embarrassed about the whole situation. Well poor guy

 

After an hour or something back at her place she sat down on a chair and seemed sadden. She told me that as she was an introvert and had never felt the need to make friends she didn’t know how to behave towards me properly now when she had one. She said that she knew that she didn’t make a good friend to me. Well I hugged her from behind to comfort her (after a lot of arguing with myself as I was worried that she would take it the wrong way) and told her that it wasn’t true and that I thought it was fun to hang out with her. Well she said that she liked being with me too, that she was surprised when she began considering forgiving me, especially for the malicious songs I sang about her.

E: “You surely know that you’re a real people charmer.”

I don’t know if that was meant as an accusation or a compliment. Well after a minute or two she seemed somewhat embarrassed and sat up (I don’t think she likes people seeing her sad) and we returned to talking about other things.

 

So she didn’t confront me or anything. I just hope that seeing her brother tomorrow will go as well I almost regret agreeing to come, I was too glad that she wanted me coming with her to say no. Well I can make up an excuse to not stay long.

[aquatic]

Pretty nice. For now, be a friend above anything else See, hanging around you is starting to make E rethink her anti-social tendencies; I think that's great. Keep encouraging her, build up her confidence.

[Wayfara]

Yesterday when we went to see her brother he started to tease me right away asking me if I had confessed my feelings for his sister yet when E wasn’t hearing. I tried to guilt him out by saying that I already felt bad for having bullied his sister for so many years, that I was tying to make it up for her now and that his teasing wasn’t helping us at all but he just laughed and while we were playing he leaned toward me and whispered to me how his sister was frigid, that I should forget about her and go out on a date with him instead. I told him that I wouldn’t go out with even if I was threatened with prison and pushed him away. E was irritated because we didn’t concentrate on the game. Her brother really has a way to embarrass a person, to really make oneself wanting to die.

Her brother: “Your girlfriend is really something to look on.”

E: “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Her brother: “But you can at least admit she’s hot.”

E: “…”

Her brother: “Do you hear that Wayfara? She doesn’t say anything, she must think you’re ugly and doesn’t want hurt your feelings.”

E: “She looks good, okay? Make your move now.” [it was his turn on the game.]

He said that he presumed that she wouldn’t mind if he tried his chance with me as I wasn’t her girlfriend. She was really starting to look angry, she told him that if he dared to try anything with me he could forget about the loan he needed, that it was best for him that he left the the poor me in peace Well I think he got the message as he didn’t say anything teasing again. When we got out E said she wouldn’t take me with her any more times to him as I shouldn’t need to endure that sort of teasing.

 

Well my mother told me today that she has been talking to my aunt and that she has invited us over the summer. My mother is planning on going and she wants me to do the same, well she isn’t going to force me if I don’t want to. Anyway I’m thinking that this is the solution to my problem on how to stop my crush on E without making the friendship suffer, I would be a fool to not to take it. Having no contact with E for some months would help me get over her and E would have no reason to think that I’m avoiding her on purpose. When I come back my crush will have faded away and E and I can be normal friends.

 

I dread thinking what I might do if I would stay. Knowing myself I’m pretty sure that I would do something that would discover me. Trying to seduce her is in fact one of the stupid things that actually could fall me in (I do have bad self-control). I already dress myself up as if I was going to a date every time before seeing her and I really shouldn’t be coming on to a girl who I know will never have any romantic feelings for me (it’s not what a good friend would do When I’m back I hope I’ll have stopped thinking of her in a sexual way, it’s really making me feel as a pervert

 

Well I don’t think it will sadden E too much if I leave as it only will be over the summer. I will naturally miss her alot but it would make me feel pathetic to stay home just because I can't stand the thought of not seeing her for a few of months, it's really not that long of a time. The graduation is at the end of the week and after that my mother and I will be free to go whenever we want. Not that I long to see my aunt (she usually just thinks that I'm in the way and wants my mother all by her own), I would probably have chosen to stay home if this wasn't such a great opportunity to get over E. I’m I right? Is it a good idea?

[Tigris]

I wouldn't count on your feelings going away. I tried that and it took me 3 years to get over her.

 

On the other hand there's a saying that goes, 'Absense makes the heart grow fonder.' That's what's happening to my fiancee and I. Maybe E will find that too?