Don't know what to do...

[Tigris]

I think the tickling episode you had showed you you definitely have feelings for her. You both enjoyed that in your own ways. Try it again sometime and see what she meant by 'she won't be so nice next time?' That might be just a threat and no follow up. The only way to find out is to have more fun with her.

 

It's a good job your Mother hadn't seen you doing that or she'd have thought you were having sex lol.

 

 

[maybetomorrow]

I think that dating her brother will only complicate the situation.

 

It is true that you normally don't have feelings for the person from the beginning...but you should at least be interested. Which I believe, you're not. So just leave things the way they are and save yourself another big headache.

[Wayfara]

Try it again sometime and see what she meant by 'she won't be so nice next time?'

 

Maybe I should, lol.

 

It's a good job your Mother hadn't seen you doing that or she'd have thought you were having sex lol.

 

She would probably have called the police to get her arrested for raping me lol.

 

Well I figured out that you are right about dating her brother wouldn’t be such a great idea. I see now that dating him just because of he’s lanky as his sister and reminds me of her is a pretty bad and shallow reason. E and I made a quick visit to her brother after school so I could tell him my answer.

Her brother: “I see you brought your ‘classmate’ again.”

E gave him an angry look (I don’t think she was in a good mood today). I told him that he seemed like a nice guy but that I right now didn’t want to date anyone. He asked me why and I said that I had feelings for somebody else. Then he got all persistent in wanting to know who that was (well I should have foreseen that), I said it was somebody at school but that I didn’t feel like telling him the name. He’s such a tease.

Her brother: “It must be my bad luck having a heartbreaker stealing your heart just before meeting me.”

He turned to E and asked her if she knew who that evil “heartbreaker” was, she said that if I wanted him to know I would tell him myself. Yeah he should only know who that heartbreaker is. When we got out E said it was good that I didn’t tell him it was B as he probably would have given it away (as B and her brother are good friends).

 

When we were saying goodbye she handed me over a book she had in her bag, a pick-up artist tips to be successful with women I asked her why she wanted me to read it. She said: “It’s informative.” When I asked what she meant more specific she seemed annoyed and said that I didn’t need to read the book if I didn’t want to. I hadn’t expected her to even own that sort of books based on her bad opinions of dating.

Me: “So you are learning to be a pick-up artist…”

The glare she gave me when I said that was truly scary, made me almost want to run and hide.

E: “I like reading theories not practise them.”

I don’t know why she lent me the book Could be that she just thought it interesting and wanted me to read it too or maybe she thinks I have a problem with getting guys and needed some help…

[maybetomorrow]

She would probably have called the police to get her arrested for raping me lol.

 

haha

 

When we were saying goodbye she handed me over a book she had in her bag, a pick-up artist tips to be successful with women I asked her why she wanted me to read it. She said: “It’s informative.” When I asked what she meant more specific she seemed annoyed and said that I didn’t need to read the book if I didn’t want to. I hadn’t expected her to even own that sort of books based on her bad opinions of dating.

Me: “So you are learning to be a pick-up artist…”

The glare she gave me when I said that was truly scary, made me almost want to run and hide.

 

wow. That is plain weird. No idea why she would give you the book. Sorry I'm not much help.

 

I was just wondering...Why don't you tell her that you're not interested in B? This is really risky...but I would deny any attraction to him and imply that the person I'm interested in is a "she"...somehow. Just so that E knows what gender you're leaning towards more. From the way you've described her, she seems very unlikely to judge you or be freaked out or anything.

 

Just my suggestion...as something I would do...that might very well come back and bite me you know where...I just don't think life is worth living w/o taking chances though.

[Tigris]

I think it's time for you to have a chat about sexuality in general just to see what her thoughts are.

 

If it helps just tell her about the problems I'm having with my 2 sisters since I've told them I'm a lesbian. I've been married twice and it took me 30 years to realise who I really am. At least talking about me she'll realise it's not you.

 

When are you seeing her again?

[aquatic]

a pick-up artist tips to be successful with women

I'd assume she gave them for you to get a tip or two about how guys' minds work so you won't easily fall for their tricks. How thoughtful.

 

I kind of disagree with the whole 'let's talk' thing, with either hinting at your or her sexuality. Well, at least it won't be something I'd do so soon. You two have just started hanging out recently. I say give it a couple of months more before doing so. Besides, if the answer doesn't meet your expectation (she's not gay) then what? Possible awkwardness. Just when you two were getting along so well. She seems like a direct person. If she wants to say something about her orientation, I'm thinking she'll find a way.

 

By the way, be open to date if you meet anyone else who might interest you a bit. No sense putting all your eggs in this basket.

[aquatic]

Oh yeah... I'm under the impression you neither confirm nor deny it's B when E refers to this crush... Smart. Keep it so.

[Wayfara]

I'd assume she gave them for you to get a tip or two about how guys' minds work so you won't easily fall for their tricks.

 

LOL, that would actually make sense, thank you. The book was quite interesting; maybe I could use some of the tricks on her (just kidding).

 

I'm under the impression you neither confirm nor deny it's B when E refers to this crush

 

Yes I let her think it’s B by not denying but I haven’t lied saying that it is. If I would deny she would begin to wonder who that person I have feelings for really is lol.

 

I would deny any attraction to him and imply that the person I'm interested in is a "she"

 

I think that if I told her what gender I’m leaning toward she would probably figure out that I like her a little bit too much. I am a bit transparent and I think the reason E doesn’t yet suspect I like her that way must be that she’s sure that I’m straight (I have a reputation in the school of being boy crazy).

 

From the way you've described her, she seems very unlikely to judge you or be freaked out or anything.

 

I don’t think she has anything against bisexuals or homosexuals but I do think she would have a problem with knowing somebody was sexually attracted to her. When I told her that B obviously was hitting on her and wanted to “turn her to the light side” she wasn’t at all comfortable knowing that B wanted her “that” way and he’s a guy, something she should have considered natural. If she would understand that I like her that “that” way too I don’t know how she would react, I don’t think she would like that idea at all.

 

I think it's time for you to have a chat about sexuality in general just to see what her thoughts are.

 

How would I bring up the subject without it looking suspicious?

 

When are you seeing her again?

 

Tomorrow it’s teachers’ seminar and E will come to my house watching some movies with me, we have to take the chance while my mother is away (she’ll be gone until Sunday).

[candy_the_confused]

ok why don't you get a movie about a woman who falls for another woman for example and see her reaction and opinion about the whole thing

[Tigris]

Candy that's a great idea.

[Wayfara]

E and I won’t be hanging out anymore. I suppose it was for the best, this way I’ll get over her easier. I’m feeling a bit down for the moment. Well at least I won’t need to post here any longer…

 

I can as well tell what happened. I had prepared for her coming, bought something to eat and drink and she came. The first thing she said was that she was sorry but that it was no need for her to enter as the thing she had to say wouldn’t take long.

Me: “What do you mean?”

E: “I like you, I like you more than I should but we can never get even so we cannot be friends.”

 

She said that she had tried to look past that but that her conscious wouldn’t let her. She said it would be unfair of her if she forgave me willingly just because she liked me but refused to do the same to my friends if they apologized even though I had been the worst. Basically she said that she couldn’t forgive me before we were even and couldn’t be friends with me before she forgives me. As she couldn’t see how we ever could get even she thought it best that we didn’t hang out anymore. She was looking down the whole time; she said she was sorry, she said she wasn’t angry at me but that she would feel guilty if she was with me and continually having a voice in her head wanting settling of scores.

 

I felt like crying but I managed to keep a straight face and said I understood. After I shut the door after she left all the tears came, most of all I had the urge to ran after and beg her to punish so we could get even and friends but I don’t think it would have worked, it would only make me come accross as needy. She gave me a letter before she left in case she had explained it bad. It stood roughly the same thing as she had said and something about she wouldn’t have become a good friend anyway and that I had a lot of other friends and some warnings about B.

 

I don’t remember when feeling this down last time but I'll survive, I have all the candy I bought to console myself with. I don’t hold any grudge against her, I treated her bad during so many years so I understand her. I hope she’ll find another one who can be her friend, someone who didn’t bully her. Maybe I smothered her and scared her off. But much of the time we spent together was on her suggestion. I never called her on the phone or texted her anything. I never expressed my affection to her except that one time in the beginning when I said that I always had wanted to be her friend.

 

I failed trying to befriend her but at least I tried, I did what I could but I can’t change the past. There are only some weeks left before the school ends and then I think it will feel better. Thank you the all support and all the replies, I really appreciated it. This will probably be my last post here so I want to wish you good luck with whatever you struggle with.

[aquatic]

Hey, Wayfara.

 

No blaming. You didn't fail. It's her issues that got in the way. I personally find the reason illogical (if not dubious), but we can only take it at face value. I say you did great-- for wanting to be the bigger person.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd give her a short last note that would say that by ending the friendship, she's assured you two are even.

 

Who knows, maybe that will even give her some closure.

 

Don't eat too much candy

[Wayfara]

I personally find the reason illogical (if not dubious), but we can only take it at face value.

 

You think the reason she gave was only an excuse for another one?

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd give her a short last note

 

Writing a note is a good idea, I’ll do that.

 

Don't eat too much candy

 

Lol, I’ll try.

[Tigris]

Wayfara are you absolutely sure that's what the sentence means 'I like you...'

 

Personally if she's said that to me I'd have been analysing the sentence.

 

She says 'she likes, likes you more than she should'. Now if you take that part separately it could mean that she's started to have the same sort of feelings as you do for her.

 

She also says something about getting even. Could that mean that she doesn't know if you have the same feelings for her as she does for you?

 

I agree with you about the end. It sounds to me like she wouldn't trust you if you knew the truth. Maybe she thinks that if she did tell you her feelings that you would tell your other friends. She probably thinks she's had enough bullying in the past so she doesn't want to go there again.

 

If you really like her do you think it's worthwhile going to her house and talking properly about it?

 

I'm sure the reason she was looking down at the floor all the time is because she had tears in her eyes. I also think that's why she wrote the letter because she didn't trust herself to say everything. Don't forget she's never had a friend before.

 

If you really want her either as a friend or something special in the future don't let her get away.

 

Relationships have to be worked at all the time to make them succeed. I know it's hard because if it was easy then it wouldn't be worth striving for. Both my fiancee and I face problems every week. We work through them together and if necessary compromise to find a solution to solve it.

 

E doesn't want to be around your friends. I don't think she feels comfortable. With you she can relax and I think she's still a little scared about that. Don't forget she's been avoiding contact with people for a very long time.

 

She could be regretting her decision already?

 

Think carefully about what I've said.

 

*****Most important. DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER GET HER HANDS ON THAT LETTER! She may interpret it the same way I have.

 

I'd like you to stay in contact with me by PM.

 

Take care.

[aquatic]

Most important. DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER GET HER HANDS ON THAT LETTER!

LMAO! It is funny how even we, who've never met her mother, are wary enough to warn Wayfara ahead of time about her.

 

Wayfara, a disclaimer, as I'm not sure if you translated what she said accurately, but based on what you wrote, yes, at the most, I don't think she's being completely truthful.

 

Things are off-- her body language while she spoke with you, the conviction (or lack it) she delivered her explanation with, the reason which doesn't make sense considering her personality and how she acted around you when you two hung out earlier. She strikes me a someone who would think a lot-- or think too much, so it wouldn't surprise me if she overthought the reason she gave you. It almost borders on silly.

 

I wouldn't be too hasty to say she has feelings for you, but it's possible. It is possible too that she's just uncomfortable/unfamiliar with having a close friend and is trying to isolate herself again.

 

The reason why I wanted you to write a short note that you're even (or go to her place, as Tigris suggested) was that I wanted you to have the last say, so symbolically, the ball's in her court. Should she want to do something about this break up in the future, she'll know it must be her move and you are just waiting for it.

 

I also like the idea of "fighting" for the friendship; maybe this is the time for her to learn how friends work out a relationship. But you know her best to gauge how she'll take this. Or if it's worth it-- if it is, prepare to swallow your pride, but you might actually get real answers, no?

[maybetomorrow]

I agree with Tigris.

 

Listen to these people. Their advice is very logical and I'm sure will help you get through this tough spot.

 

Best of luck!

[candy_the_confused]

i think she's struggling with the fact that "she likes you more than she should"

 

she's also scared of getting hurt again after the history of bullying, and is

trying to prevent herself the pain by cutting off the friendship.

 

i think the isuue here is about trust and re-assurance, maybe she needs re-assurance that you won't hurt her feelings again, and she needs to trust you.

[Wayfara]

She says 'she likes, likes you more than she should'. Now if you take that part separately it could mean that she's started to have the same sort of feelings as you do for her.

 

In my mother language there are two words for “like someone”, one is similar to “like” having double meaning, it could mean that you like someone as a person or like someone a little bit more than that, but she used the other word for like which has no romantic connection. When she said “I like you more than I should” I think she meant that she thinks that she shouldn’t like me at all based on past bullying.

 

DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER GET HER HANDS ON THAT LETTER!

 

Lol, my mother would be happy (overwhelmed of joy) to know that E and I are no longer friends. But if she would interpret the letter in any way romantic (and she would be looking for anything remotely suspicious) then…, well I don’t know what she would do but I wouldn’t like to be around to find out.

 

She strikes me a someone who would think a lot-- or think too much

 

Yes she is a person who thinks about things too much. I have reread the letter she gave me, it is quite long but I’ll try to explain what I think she means. It’s a bit confusing so there a chance that I misunderstood her so my interpretation could be wrong.

 

I think she means that if she forgives me then she has let me go away with the bullying too easy. If other persons would have made the same offence as I have then she wouldn’t have forgiven them and she cannot give me special treatment just because she likes me as a person (when I don’t do the bullying thing) because that would make her feel sentimental. I don’t think that E likes sentimentalism in herself, being sentimental would make her feel weak.

 

I'm sure the reason she was looking down at the floor all the time is because she had tears in her eyes.

 

I doubt she had teary eyes when she was looking down (I would have seen that) but she did look ashamed though. Maybe she was ashamed because she knew that her reason seemed silly, or maybe she even knew it was silly, I don’t know.

 

In one way I feel that if she doesn’t like my company and wants to isolate herself it’s her choice. In the other hand I want to save this if it can be saved. I’m not very fond of swallowing my pride but I’ll go to her place with the short note I’ve written and maybe I’ll talk to her.

[Wayfara]

I went to E’s place and gave her the note saying that she could consider us even now by having terminated the friendship. She read it and looked up at me.

E: “It wasn’t my intention to get you hurt.”

Me: “What did you expect me to be when you so abruptly want us to stop being friends?”

She asked me if everybody who hung out together automatically become friends. I said no. She then asked me how I knew we were friends.

Me: “Didn’t the time we spent together mean anything to you?”

She looked at me for awhile without saying anything, she probably saw that I was pretty upset, and then suddenly she said she was sorry for what she said yesterday, that it was wrong of her. That I was right that we were even now, that she forgave me for what I did in the past and that she wouldn’t hold it against me any longer. She asked me how she could make it up for me. I was taken aback by her sudden change of attitude and couldn’t come up with anything so she suggested that she could make dinner for us. She asked me if I liked homemade pizza, I said yes. She told me to fetch a chair and keep her company in kitchen while she would bake one. The rest of the time she was very nice and we ate the pizza, it tasted very good. I almost got tears of happiness because we could be friends again. She gave me a long hug when we said goodbye.

 

I don’t know if she just changed her mind to keep me quiet. Anyway I’m very happy that we are friends again. Thank you for the advice. What would I do without you guys?

[Tigris]

YIPPEE!!!

I'm pleased you're friends again. Well done!

 

 

 

\\

[maybetomorrow]

YAY!

 

 

 

I'm so happy for you. \\

[aquatic]

Nice! You two be good (you especially, hehe).

 

And so it begins....

[candy_the_confused]

so happy for you, keep us updated

[Wayfara]

I'm pleased you're friends again. Well done!

 

I'm so happy for you.

 

so happy for you

 

Thank you.

 

Nice! You two be good (you especially, hehe).

 

Lol, you don’t trust me?

 

And so it begins....

 

What is going to begin or is it just an expression? Sorry, my bad English.

 

keep us updated

 

I’ll try.

[Wayfara]

My mother came home today. One of the first things she did was to ask me if I had seen E during the time she had been gone. It’s like she’s thinking that E tries to induce me to orgies every time we meet.

 

She suggested that I could bring E with me home so she could get to know E. I said I wasn’t sure if E wanted to come. She said that she hoped that I already had assured E that the thing that what happened last time was an one time happening, that she had slept bad that night and usually is a very calm and reasonable person. She told me to persuade E to come over tomorrow for a cup of coffee as she had the right to get to know what kind of persons her daughter surrounded herself with. She has promised to behave but I’m still unsure if it’s a good idea. My mother says that if I refuse to invite E over it proves that E indeed is a shady person as I don’t dare to show her to my own mother.

 

If I won’t invite E I will get much nuisance from my mother but I’m a bit concerned how my mother will treat E if she comes. However my mother has promised to be nice and maybe if she saw E maybe it would calm her worries about the E’s dangerous influence. Is it a good idea to invite E over?