Obsessed.

[fnlyfrei]

I have been divorced for two years...we have been apart for almost three. I am going to be married in about 14 weeks. My ex is still thinking we can be together. (Even if I weren't getting married...I would not go back to him...ever.) He does not hide his feelings in front of our sons when they visit him on the weekends. He tells them that my fiance' should step aside so that we can reconcile. He has emotional outbursts in front of them as well. My son noticed that his car windsheild was newly broken. He asked his dad what happened. His father replied that a "Meteor about the size of his fist" hit the car...(my son deduced that his father punched it)

Today my ex showed up where I work unannounced and brought me a birthday cake and a card (yesterday was my birthday)

What do I do? I have never led him on, I have told him there isn't a snowballs chance...he scares the boys with his weird, obsessive behavior and emotional outbursts....a restraining order? Back to court over visitation? He has gotten worse since he found out I am getting re-married. Has anyone else dealt with this?

[Dako]

What a pain.

 

I'd go with a restraining order to go on record that he's a threat.

His behavior is way over the top, and his sons are getting a poor example of manhood from him. He should quit snivelling in front of the boys.

 

I can't help wondering how this works with the new husband. Have they confronted each other yet?

 

If he punches a windshield, he's an idiot. He must have been holding that meteorite, or his hand would be in pieces.

[SuperDave71]

Hey there,

 

 

First of all..happy Belated Birthday!!!!

 

I am certain this is a horrible situation and I am so sorry. If you ex refuses to let you go, I suggest you confront him about it and let him know that you are finished with that chapter of your life and if he continues harassing you, you WILL file a restraining order.

 

 

This is a touchy subject becasue of the children BUT he needs to face facts. You are going to be happily married (Congrats!!) and that the relationship you guys once shared has been over for some time.

 

I would make it clear in a firm but kind way that he cannot show up unannounced anywhere. He can communicate with you in regards to the children only and of course emergencies.

 

Despite the windshield incident, he has mental issues and needs to seek professional help. You can't make him go, but you can encourage it.

 

On a lighter note, I wish you and your fiance' many many years of happiness, life and love together.

 

 

Please remember....sometimes people cannot see the obvious. Make sure you understand the law where this is concerned as well as the children. Never be afraid of expressing yourself or what's on your mind.

 

He must remember that your actions (getting married) are speaking louder than his words (your finance' should step aside)

 

 

 

Take care and God bless you and your soon to be marriage,

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[redsuede]

I went through it. My ex held on for 6 or 7 years. Even though I was with someone new, the whole thing. I didnt lead him on. Its up to them. Unless he is causing you or kids serious harm, I wouldnt really recommend a restraining order. Let him be in his healing. I completely understand where you are coming from. Its a hard road, but he will come to this on his own. My ex finally moved out of the state and started seeing someone new. He and I are very good friends now, but during those years, he was totally unrealistic. I do realize how frustrating it is, but once he sees you are seriously not coming back and he ACCEPTS it inside himself, he will back off. I am sorry you are going through this.

 

Now I am on the other side of the fense, and now am the dumpee, I am way more empathetic to anyone who is going through a break up. Sometimes it takes people longer to heal.

 

This is just my 2 cents though of coarse.

[rocio]

No I've never been in a similar situation so please don't put too much stock in my opinion. But I think the best you can do is to minimize damage to your children. Explain to them that he's going through a hard time and they are just going to have to be patient while he works through it (they sound intellegent enough to understand that). Hopefully once he sees that you're married he will finally come to terms with the fact that it's over between the two of you.

 

If his behavior ever scares you or seems like it could become dangerous, be ready to get a restraining order immediately.

 

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

[fnlyfrei]

What a pain.

 

I can't help wondering how this works with the new husband. Have they confronted each other yet?

 

 

Well, he isn't quite my husband yet...and with all of this drama...he is marrying into....me with three boys, and an ex who is acting...weird...I worry a bit. And yes, my fiance' wants to confront my ex. I do not know if that would be appropriate??? He wouldn't listen to his parents, lawyers, pastors...why would he listen to a complete stranger? They have met a few times, briefly. I dunno. I just do not want anymore drama and fallout for the kids. They have been through enough.

[rocio]

No need for these two men to confront each other, IMO.

[Dako]

Sorry if I seemed to be promoting a confrontation.

I just wondered if it had already happened. If this goes on after the wedding, it seems inevitable.

[Blazer]

Happy Birthday (belatedly)

 

I am agreeing with what others have said here but maybe with a little bit to add on.

 

First of all, RESTRAINING ORDER. Think about doing it !!!! If you are planning a marriage, as that time gets closer his uncontrolled rage might escalate. Having filed the R.O. will allow you to have some sense of protection. It will tell him that his actions have been noted by the authorities. It will inform local law enforcement that there has been a history of violent or destructive behavior aimed at you and they will be able to act accordingly, without delay.

 

Secondly I think that a confrontation between your ex and the man you are with now can end in nothing good. While it is admirable that he wants to protect you and stand up to this guy, its a no-win situation for him. If they come to blows over it (and they probably will) and your fiancee wins, it wont be the end. Your ex will then have the torment of losing you and being bested by your fiancee. He might very well come at him unexpectedly and someone could be seriously injured or worse. Based on what you have said about his anonymous act of vandalism to the car, you don't know where his lack of control will take him. People with that much anger bottled up often dont know when to quit until its too late. Protect yourself , your family and your property.