Tony29UK Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 Ok, I met ‘S’ on Jan 2nd 2006. We were in the supermarket standing near the flowers and I commented to her how pretty they were, we started chatting, I asked her out for a drink and the rest is History. Now ‘S’ is almost 24 and im almost 31. From the ages of 16-20 ‘S’ was in an abusive relationship with a drunk, at 20 she had a baby boy and the drunk left (after selling all ‘S’s property for cash) and was never seen again. ‘S’ rebuilt her life as a single parent and a few years later… enter moi! Now our relationship is generally pretty nice. She’s kind, caring, generous and a great mum. We talk about things, spend a lot of time together do things as a ‘family’. Ok, the boy (who’s almost 4) isn’t mine but I feel some responsibility towards him and really want him to grow up to be a decent individual, so we play, we read, we talk, ‘S’ and I got him his first bike, we go swimming, when he’s bad I exercise discipline (sitting on the naughty step to think about what he’s done but only after explaining why he’s being punished so he understands how to behave) we have had a holiday together, the boy says he loves me, I look after him when ‘S’ has to go out, we take him to and from School, we had our first xmas together.. (ok, I guess your getting the picture!) However, (and theres always a however!) sometimes it just doesn’t feel right. A surrogate father. Ok, I knew this when I got together with ‘S’. I didn’t think it would be too bad, and 90% of the time I actually enjoy it! Just after December I moved an hour away from where ‘S’ lives to be closer to work. Not a problem, I work shifts, 4 days on / 4 days off so we still get to see each other. Ive been spending a lot more time with my old school buddies, going for beers, playing pool etc… and when I go ‘home’ to ‘S’ it doesn’t seem quite enough. Because she has the boy she is unable to work so only gets the state handouts, hence we don’t go out too often because I always end up paying (I have bills to pay too!) when we do go out it has to be organised weeks in advance so she can get a sitter so a spur of the moment ‘do you fancy popping out for last orders’ never happens. I get woken up at 6:30-7am when I stay over (I like to lie in), we get 3 hours a day together whilst he’s at school so we go shopping, go for lunch, go rollerblading and get things done. We collect him from school at 3pm and that’s it…. Lockdown. He’s generally tired. Dinner at 5-5:30, he in bed 6-6:30 we stuck in front of the tv until morning. Sometimes I like to go out on my own or with friends but then I get texts every hour asking what im doing, who I’m with and when I get home I always get ‘ who did you talk to? Any girls? And the whole paranoia thing (im guessing because shes been let down in the past) Her family think im the best thing ever, the kid thinks im a god (and has even started copying my behaviour / actions / sayings) her friends (all single mums) think im great. I just cant help thinking I want more. Someone who has their own cash. Their own job. Its not about having money, more about lifestyle, getting out there and doing things. We don’t have much to talk about except my days at work cos hers are all pretty much the same. Im kinda thinking why am I in this relationship. As a person she is fantastic,as ive stated previously. I know for a fact if I broke up with her she’s be devastated and she’d be feeling like I felt when I got dumped a few years back… it took me months to get over my ex (see previous posts) ok, I got over it… but the thought of doing that to someone else destroys me. Theres the boy, he says he misses me when im not there…. What would it do to him… I know you build your own life, your own fortune / your own mis-fortune… I just feel like im missing out on other stuff…. Id be quite happy single… just enjoying myself, doing what I want, when I wanted, no questions, no restrictions. I think about it more when im on my own, when we’re together its nice, when its lockdown (after 6pm and the boy is in bed) the boredom sets in…our relationship is more like a routine…. However, she is a fantastic person and I cant fault her or the boy…. Where do I go….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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