Now that i'm ready, I'm very frustrated

[Orlander]

Ok, so I have been back in the dating scene now for about 2 months. I've been on a lot of dates and have become comfortable with dating and asking women out. I've gotten much of my self confidence, charm and flirtatious nature back.

 

Dating no longer scares and I am able to be interesting, outgoing and genuinely entertaining (if I say so myself

 

I've been frustrated recently.

 

I remember the feeling I had when I met my ex. She had so many qualities I look for in a woman. There was just something about her. When we talked, we were both engaged in the conversation and genuinely, truly interested in what each other had to say. She was pleasant, made eye contact and while I made sure to focus on her and her life, she did the same thing. The meeting, the conversation, even the goodbye was textbook romance. Each day we IMd each other, called each other and our times together were truly romantic...there was a genuine connection. Then, she said to me something that made me sure I wanted to be with her. She said "Orlander, I want to know everything about you."

 

Where is that? I'm so tired of meeting women who are SOOO wrapped un in themselves, who talk only of themselves or who dont even show a phony interest in wanting to get to know me. I can't tell you how many emails I sent out to women on Match and have gotten back replies that basically answer the questions I wrote but didnt ask me anything. I think i am all but convinced that online dating services only work if you are looking to hookup or on the rebound.

 

I feel like there are 100 guys trying to nail each single girl. Hell, even my ex managed to find someone almost immediately after moving back in town from college and I was SHOCKED when i learned that. Seems like these guys are coming out of the woodworks like cockroaches.

 

I'll admit that I'm a little picky. I am looking for someone in her mid to late 20's, who isnt involved with anyone, doesnt have children but wants a family, is cute, who is active and is open to falling in love and being in a loving relationship. I admit that I tend to go for women on the slender side.

 

I've tried to remain positive and have faith that when I am ready love will find a way. To be honest I was not in a good place to receive the love of a woman prior to recently, but now that I do know I am ready

for it...where is it? It's been over a year and a half since I became single. I really hoped I would be engaged or married by now and my ex would still be looking. Now, I am sure she has the man of her dreams and the perfect relationship and I have nothing. Just venting, I guess.

 

I hate to admit that most of my adult life I was surrounded by women who were eligible, cute and potentially loving and who wanted to get to know me, but I either blew them off or treated them badly. For so many years I was looking for the perfect woman. I thought I even found her once and after a few months discovered that I had lost interest even in her, just like the rest. I dont think i really understood what love was until recently.

 

So, is it Karma? am I being punished by God for my past actions? It feels that way sometime. Everything happens for a reason, but I'm ready for love and would die to hear a woman say to me again "Orlander,I want to learn everything about you".

 

So, this is part of the healing process?

Am I just supposed to keep pursuing someone who may not show much interest in me initially in the hopes her level of interest will change?

How many people have relationships that started out like the one I described with my ex? It seemed perfect.

 

When we finally feel ready to be in a new relationship. I want to fall in love and get to know everything about someone and ive never felt that way before. Guess I just need to be patient and keep trying.

 

 

Orlander

[RayKay]

I can't write much since I am on way out the door for the weekend, but I just wanted to say....you know - since you told me yourself! - we manifest what we believe in, right?

 

I know it is tough, but think positive. Believe me...those women ARE out there whom believe in, and want the same things in a relationship and partner as you do (I know as I am one of them)...and you will find them. It takes a few falls first to find them...but would you rather it take some time to find that right person, rather than rush into it with that wrong one?

 

Karma does not operate that way....so don't blame karma!

 

Sure if you are negative it brings negative into your life, but just because you were "negative" before does not mean you are forever doomed to be punished for it...not once you have gained that positive....

 

Give it time, and lots of hugs! (and thanks for the help the past few days too...)

[HDD]

Ok, so I have been back in the dating scene now for about 2 months. I've been on a lot of dates and have become comfortable with dating and asking women out. I've gotten much of my self confidence, charm and flirtatious nature back.

 

Dating no longer scares and I am able to be interesting, outgoing and genuinely entertaining (if I say so myself

 

I've been frustrated recently.

 

I remember the feeling I had when I met my ex. She had so many qualities I look for in a woman. There was just something about her. When we talked, we were both engaged in the conversation and genuinely, truly interested in what each other had to say. She was pleasant, made eye contact and while I made sure to focus on her and her life, she did the same thing. The meeting, the conversation, even the goodbye was textbook romance. Each day we IMd each other, called each other and our times together were truly romantic...there was a genuine connection. Then, she said to me something that made me sure I wanted to be with her. She said "Orlander, I want to know everything about you."

 

I totally understand how you feel Orlander! I didnt know you were feeling these things, i thought your dating life was going great and from the sound of it, it is. my ex and I felt the same way you did. we had that special connection and I know that it will be hard to replace him, infact he used to always tell me how perfect i was for him and that he wont be able to find anyone like me. And i felt the same way about him, but thats all history now. In your case, these dates dont mean it wont happen again. You need to keep trying and from reading your para above, you sound like you WILL succeed because you are one hell of a catch!

 

Where is that? I'm so tired of meeting women who are SOOO wrapped un in themselves, who talk only of themselves or who dont even show a phony interest in wanting to get to know me. I can't tell you how many emails I sent out to women on Match and have gotten back replies that basically answer the questions I wrote but didnt ask me anything. I think i am all but convinced that online dating services only work if you are looking to hookup or on the rebound.

 

Maybe you are going for the wrong ones. If you get the idea that they are not your type, just move on. But sometimes, they might surprise you, who knows. I didnt think girls were like that thought. I am the type who always wants to know everything about the guy before i say something about myself.

 

I feel like there are 100 guys trying to nail each single girl. Hell, even my ex managed to find someone almost immediately after moving back in town from college and I was SHOCKED when i learned that. Seems like these guys are coming out of the woodworks like cockroaches.

 

I'll admit that I'm a little picky. I am looking for someone in her mid to late 20's, who isnt involved with anyone, doesnt have children but wants a family, is cute, who is active and is open to falling in love and being in a loving relationship. I admit that I tend to go for women on the slender side.

 

I wont totally agree with that statement! I wish that was true in my case. i dont see any cockroaches anywhere and its been over 2 months already!! on the other hand, my ex managed to find someone, not sure if this is a rebound or something special but i feel like there are tons of girls out there trying to snatch him. I am also picky like you which is probably why i dont just date anyone that comes up to me (so far, just went on one date). but being picky isnt a bad thing orlander. You have certain expectations and its good to have those otherwise you end up just being content or just satisfied with what you have... rather than being extremely lucky and fortunate to have found that special someone! The type of girl you want sounds like a lot of girls I know ;-) me being one of them... so trust me, they are out there!!

 

I've tried to remain positive and have faith that when I am ready love will find a way. To be honest I was not in a good place to receive the love of a woman prior to recently, but now that I do know I am ready

for it...where is it? It's been over a year and a half since I became single. I really hoped I would be engaged or married by now and my ex would still be looking. Now, I am sure she has the man of her dreams and the perfect relationship and I have nothing. Just venting, I guess.

 

Be patient and it will happen. Dont rush into anything just because you have to. you might regret it later.

 

I hate to admit that most of my adult life I was surrounded by women who were eligible, cute and potentially loving and who wanted to get to know me, but I either blew them off or treated them badly. For so many years I was looking for the perfect woman. I thought I even found her once and after a few months discovered that I had lost interest even in her, just like the rest. I dont think i really understood what love was until recently.

 

So, is it Karma? am I being punished by God for my past actions? It feels that way sometime. Everything happens for a reason, but I'm ready for love and would die to hear a woman say to me again "Orlander,I want to learn everything about you".

 

i dont think karma has anything to do with it. i think karma will work for you becuase you have been a good person. you loved someone with all your heart and someone out there is waiting to find that love again and spend the rest of her life with you! just keep trying and you will find her.

 

 

So, this is part of the healing process?

Am I just supposed to keep pursuing someone who may not show much interest in me initially in the hopes her level of interest will change?

How many people have relationships that started out like the one I described with my ex? It seemed perfect.

 

When we finally feel ready to be in a new relationship. I want to fall in love and get to know everything about someone and ive never felt that way before. Guess I just need to be patient and keep trying.

 

like i said, my relationship seemed perfect but its over now and I am afraid just like you are about finding someone whom i can connect with so intimately and in every other possible way. I cannot wait for the day when you find someone and are happy Orlander It WILL HAPPEN!!!

[elithepi]

You are me....but in Orlando.

Be patient, yes.

You'll meet someone new without even intending to.

It's the way it happens.

The old saying is true.

Just when we stop looking, love will find us.

Has happened every time.

[macgyver4ever]

It's been a month back out on the dating scene, and dated a few girls, but know EXACTLY what you are saying. That immediate connection and spark that I shared with my ex on our first date is not there with the other girls I am seeing. Sure they are great people, and very sweet, but the SPARK that we shared, and held for so many years isn't there. I don't know if she found that with the guy she cheated on me with, but if she did, I know in my heart it took months to form instead of the immediate feeling we shared for so long.

 

I'm scared I'll never find that again. My ex was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We both cared so deeply about each other.

 

Good luck with dating. I'm trying the online stuff as well, and finding it frustrating. Keep going. Just knowing there are great girls out there looking gives me hope. I've seen them online, and I know someday one will be smart enough to give me a chance.

[mariab.]

From what I have seen you are very good looking so maybe you are attracting women like yourself physically but not mentally... Maybe it is all about looking inside then and what it is that you want as oppsed to what you desire. The flip coin is you might be attracting women to you that fit yor mold of "idealnes" but not reality. Sometimes we find what we are looking for when we stop searching..

[numbhead]

...would die to hear a woman say to me again "Orlander,I want to learn everything about you".

 

i think there is an issue here!!

 

...the older people are the more issues they have in general! its ok when youre in ur teens dating because there arent really any big emotional weights being dragged around!

 

women (and men) over the age of say 23 are gonna more than likley have some issues!

 

finding someone that is well rounded, undamaged, attractive and fun to be with is a challenge in its self never mind a partner.... theres got to be these people out there but i know im not ready to start looking yet..

 

i have this thought that keeps running through my head... "like why is this person single?,,, there must be something wrong with them lol..

 

all im saying is that from what you have said.. it sounds like these women are not well rounded... damaged goods so to speak!

 

gd look my friend

[numbhead]

.... u think these women have a massive clock ticking inside their heads!!!

 

and they cant hear you because of the tick tocking!! lol

 

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.........(i want to have kids before its too late) TICK TOCK....

 

just a theory

[Orlander]

Thank you, RayKay for putting the mirror up to my own face. I'm trying to manifest what I want. For the first time in well over a year and a half I feel ready for love again (for the most part). My question is...where is it?

 

I'm focusing on staying positive. It's all part of the process. I'll find love again. I just dont want to wait. I'm ready.

 

 

...the older people are the more issues they have in general!

I had issues that prevented me from being able to love. I had baggage...massive baggage.

 

Now, I don't. So, now that I dont it seems impossible to locate someone like me.

 

Also, each time I ever found love I took action to get it. I dont believe that it just finds you. Ive always taken some kind of action to begin the relationship, like striking up a conversation with someone new.

 

 

I just want to know how realistic it is want to meet someone who isnt carrying around a bunch of baggage. Where are all the cute, eligible, capable of loving bachlorettes without emotional baggage?

 

 

Orlander

[brando]

O,

 

Someties when we are looking we do not see what it is we need,we try to find all the things we want in a person who may be only in our lives for a short period. I would relax a bit and give yourself a break. True love will find you.... it may take some time but the true love you seek will find you eventually.

 

In the mean time you can persue as many women as you want. Their are many out their so why settle for one right now. And I am not suggesting sleeping with everyone, but you can date many on a casual level. Get to know them, and try to find women with different interests and physical traits.

 

be well.

[numbhead]

Where are all the cute, eligible, capable of loving bachlorettes without emotional baggage?

 

i think they are already in relationships to be honest.... most will be anyway... its just luck i guess

 

hey --if you ever discover a place where these nice women hang out please tell me! lol

[Orlander]

i think they are already in relationships to be honest.... most will be anyway... its just luck i guess

There are people gettin in and out of relationships all the time. People who are genuinely caring, kind, funny, attractive and want real love in their lives. I know, because I am one of them.

 

I absolutely refuse to give any merit to the opinion that everyone or worth is taken or that it will just be luck that I happen to find someone to love again.

 

Orlander

[numbhead]

I absolutely refuse to give any merit to the opinion that everyone or worth is taken or that it will just be luck that I happen to find someone to love again.

 

i hope youre right mate.... what you are saying makes sense... i spose what i was really saying is that a lot of people out of relationships have baggage and such problems come associated with that.

 

patience is the word then!

 

have you got hobbies where you can meet people? that might work better...i went snow boarding the other day! i think i may have found a great new hobby! you should try it! it kills the legs though lol

[catren]

Well, I believe that, if I found love before, I'll find it again. I know that I have a lot to give someone. I also know that, the older I get (now36), the more selective I will be in who I want to spend time with.

 

It will be a while before I go back to dating but I sense I'll have less patience to spend time with people who I don't really see a future with. That's actually a good thing I think. So, hang in there, you'll find love again I'm sure. It just won't jump into your lap the minute you're ready for it. And, realistically, 2 months is not a long time.

[catren]

Another few thoughts:

 

1. There is NO SUCH THING as the perfect woman. Maybe slackening your criteria would open up many other options for you.

 

2. Many relationships are perfect in the beginning. That's when it's easy. It's the sticking around through the rough parts that many people aren't prepared to do.

[Portage]

Well, I believe that, if I found love before, I'll find it again. I know that I have a lot to give someone. I also know that, the older I get (now36), the more selective I will be in who I want to spend time with.

 

It will be a while before I go back to dating but I sense I'll have less patience to spend time with people who I don't really see a future with. That's actually a good thing I think. So, hang in there, you'll find love again I'm sure. It just won't jump into your lap the minute you're ready for it. And, realistically, 2 months is not a long time.

 

This totally makes sense to me. I'm pretty much in the same boat and the same age. I think you need to focus on yourself and just simply enjoy hobbies, people, activities, etc., everytime i've found someone i've wanted to spend time with it has happened very naturally. It most definitely was not in the forefront of my mind. And i don't believe you need to date a zillion women to find that perfect match. It could be the first or the 21st, you'll know it when you don't feel the need to move on because you'll feel content with what you have. A partner that makes you feel happy when you wake up in the morning. Period.