SunnyWA Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 Folks - I am a new member of this forum and really appreciate you insights or advice on my situation. Sometimes I feel I know the answer but at other times I am confused and would really appreciate hearing someone else's perspective. So, I take dance lessons from this teacher who recently broke up with a 10 year relationship. She is perhaps the sweetest person in the world that I have met recently. I've had three relationships in the past that lasted from 2 years to 6 years. Breaking up was excrutiating but I guess it happened. I have realized over years that I was trying to be too nice and force someone to love me and give everything I had. Ultimately, I was left unappreciated, broken hearted, in pain...but a bit more wiser. Anywho, so I have been doing Ballroom dancing for past two years. I've had a number of teachers in the past - young and old - most of them very attractive. However, there is something about this teacher (she is three years younger than I am) that continues to draw me towards her. My heart races when I see her (she is beautiful but I mostly love her because she and I connect very well in terms of talking, discussing life, etc.). Sometimes we will go out to drink or grab dinner together, either after my dance class or otherwise. However, I try to keep it very low profile and not go overboard. I mean I will casually ask her if she has eaten something and if she wants to go grab a bite since I'm hungry. She usually goes with me - once a week. She does not go out with any of her other "students" and usually introduces me as a "friend" to her other friends. In fact, one of her newer students (first time dancer) had a big crush on her and sent her a long "love letter" as she told me. She told that student she does not go out on dates or dinners with her students. She then told me she likes to go out with me as she finds me "emotionally mature" and she "likes me very much". However, under that emotionally mature demeanor, there is a storm raging inside my heart because I feel I am getting drawn to her more and more and my heart is in total chaos, although I don't say anything to her. Unlike other students, who keep giving her compliments and gifts or flowers, I have only given her a set of books on dancing. I also don't give her much compliments but we keep cracking jokes at each other and making each other laugh although I do talk to her about serious things like her future plans, etc. Since she recently broke up with her 10 year relationship (boyfriend), her life has literally turned upside down. She had to move into a newer place and start working harder to pay her bills, etc. I continue to look at that transformation from the side. I am not sure what to do. Should I continue to pretend I am the way I am - meaning not say anything to her about me "falling in love with her" or giving her gifts, etc.? When she told me she "likes" me, I also told her that I "like her very much". On one hand, deep inside my heart, I want to run and hug her and tell her that I love her. But my experience has taught me to hold steady and not show any emotions right now. Part of me also is very scared - since I've been burnt a few times in the past where I committed to loving someone for the rest of my life and realized that never happened. I'm afraid that I may open myself up and get hurt. I also feel that she has just broken up with her 10 year relationship so perhaps I am becoming the "rebound" guy - which makes me nervous as hell. I really would like to be with this woman but I am not sure what to do. At one point, I was thinking I should tell her that I will be taking lessons from another teacher (to which I am afraid she will perhaps feel hurt and completely cut off interaction with me) and also admit to her that I have some very "strong feelings" for her and that I wish to "step back" as those feelings are making me nervous. I mean, I have not dated anyone for the past two years, although I have a lot of female friends. I am really confused. Should I tell her about my feelings and also tell her I am stepping back? Should I change teachers now that she considers me a "good friend" and likes to go out with me? Should I continue to play along and just keep seeing her once a week, not calling her in the week (which I never do), not emailing her and only interact with her when I see her? What do you all recommend? Quote Link to comment
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