Men V Women : Cheating & Promiscuity

[gixer]

Hi guys, another newbie here! I enjoy reading these forums but had to post this question as it is eating away at me, having become close with a group of 20 year old girls, and I need your opinions on it!

 

What's your views regarding men and women and their attitudes/instincts towards sex, promiscuity and cheating? The reason I ask is that I have a male friend who is absolutely convinced that women are exactly the same as men when it comes to the likelyhood that they will cheat on a man, are just the same when it comes to wanting sex with as many different partners as possible and that girls in general in cannot be trusted.

 

I dont agree with him!

 

Now dont get me wrong, I am no prude and yes this is 2007 when a woman is entitled to as much sex with as many people as she wishes, but my belief is that the old instincts that have driven men and women are exactly the same as they have always been, ie men have a natural predatorial instinct to have sex with as many women as possible, even when in a good relationship..whereas women have a much stronger natural instinct to be loyal and committed to one partner. Sure, a girl (especially a young girl) will like to experiment sexually and have as much wild, filthy, passionate sex as possible but to them it is fine if that sex comes with simply one man. A bloke however likes all of that...and then wants to do it with ten other women too!

 

Am I right or am I simply being naive?

 

Also, whats your views on women having sex with a multitude of different partners in the same manner as a man does? Do you regard these girls as * * * * * */sluts or is it a case of women finally being allowed to express themselves fully as a sexual being? If you met a 20 year girl and she told you she had already had 20 different partners would you be alarmed or impressed or neutral? My view is that a girl, in theory, is entitled to have sex with as many men as she wishes but in practice there has to be a line where she keeps her self respect whilst still having a damn good time!

 

I have recently met 20 year olds who have had these amounts of partners and it does seem to be increasingly the norm these days. Now I have to admit to being slightly fazed by this but I guess I have more difficulty with my friend's belief that women have no more loyalty these days than men when it comes to sex and relationships. If that is truly the case then I think society could suffer meltdown within a few generations as no-one will trust each other, family values will evaporate and the human race will wipe itself out!

 

Waddya reckon guys? And it would be interesting to get some girls views on this too!

[Clementine orange]

One of the prevailing attitudes among Generation Y females is that in order to be equal to a man, then you must behave like one. Violence, aggression, promiscuity and sex as a weapons. Hurray for the new millennium

[Iggy5129]

I would have to say that you are being pretty sexist. Whether male or female we are both human. Why would it be an advantage for only one sex to want to be loyal while the other sex does not? It is totally unfair to say that women can have as much sex as they want but should keep it in a respectable number just to please you, while you can go and have sex with tons of women and not be judged for it. I find your opinion infuriating and pretty ignorant.

[gixer]

I would have to say that you are being pretty sexist. Whether male or female we are both human. Why would it be an advantage for only one sex to want to be loyal while the other sex does not? It is totally unfair to say that women can have as much sex as they want but should keep it in a respectable number just to please you, while you can go and have sex with tons of women and not be judged for it. I find your opinion infuriating and pretty ignorant.

 

Oh gawd, first post and I'm upsetting people already! Sorry. I really dont mean to be or sound sexist, infact I'm actually defending women and their right to have mutual sexual rights as men...but I can only go off the experiences I have with male and female friends. I know a VAST amount of men who have seemingly perfect girlfriends yet for some reason still cheat. I simply cannot imagine a girl who has no "issues" doing the same.

[astaro]

actually if you look at this from an evolution perspective it is assumed true that women where essentially "pushed" men into being monogamous. early man wanted to pass his seed as often as possible. early women wanted her man to stay around and help her provide food for the baby. that is suspected to be why human females are the only mameli am aware of that doesnt "announce" when they are receptive, to keep the guys guessing

 

 

in today's world i do agree that it is rather sexist, i actually think that these days on average women have more sexual partners then men. and personally it doesnt bother me at all how many people someone has slept with, unless its a very extreme number which could indicate some kind of personal problem.

[JoeWho]

Boy did you open up a can of worms here. lol

 

I dont think you can say that men or women are more or less likely to cheat. It is really a decision that each person has to make whether they cheat or not.

 

As to the whole thing about having as many partners as possible, as a guy I do feel that pressure from other guys to sleep with as many girls as I can especially after getting out of a long term relationship. Of course I don't do that but if I did I would be viewed as "the man or a pimp" or whatever its called these days. Crazy and stupid???

 

A woman on the other hand is often seen in a negative light if she does the same exact thing. I think it is a bunch of BS, but the double standard is unfortunately still there today.

 

I don't really care what a girl does before me, I wouldn't judge her on how many partners she had or didn't have.

[gixer]

actually if you look at this from an evolution perspective it is assumed true that women where essentially "pushed" men into being monogamous. early man wanted to pass his seed as often as possible. early women wanted her man to stay around and help her provide food for the baby. that is suspected to be why human females are the only mameli am aware of that doesnt "announce" when they are receptive, to keep the guys guessing

 

 

in today's world i do agree that it is rather sexist, i actually think that these days on average women have more sexual partners then men. and personally it doesnt bother me at all how many people someone has slept with, unless its a very extreme number which could indicate some kind of personal problem.

 

So what is an 'extreme' number? If a girl has had 20 different partners by the age of 20 is that extreme?

[astaro]

a 20 year old that has been with 20... i dunno, i was with a 20 year old that was with 30+ and she had serious personal and sexual problems, you cant really judge purley according to a number, it might be an indication, but without knowing more about someones personality you cant really say.

 

she could have self esteem issues and uses sex to get reassurance, she could be using it to get physical closeness, she could also just really be into sex

[gixer]

Yeah, I thought it might light the fire with some people

 

I agree about the double standards thing, and I *generally* would not judge a girl on the amount of partners she has had, but I do know of some girls who have recently slept with 6 different men in the space of a month, and I cant quite work out if I find it distastefull or if I'm simply jealous!

 

To be honest when I read forums such as this one I cant help but think they are a bit of a twilght zone and not in touch with reality, because most of the men I know are cheating swines whilst the girls are loyal and devoted so I do have a problem with my friend's somewhat sexist and hypocritical views that women cannot be trusted!

[astaro]

women are just as likly to cheat as men are, it depends on the person, not their gender.

[Batya33]

I think women are more likely to self-deceive than men when it comes to comfort level with casual sex.

[JoeWho]

 

I To be honest when I read forums such as this one I cant help but think they are a bit of a twilght zone and not in touch with reality, because most of the men I know are cheating swines whilst the girls are loyal and devoted so I do have a problem with my friend's somewhat sexist and hypocritical views that women cannot be trusted!

 

 

 

Most of the guys I know who are in relationships are very loyal. In fact I havent know too many guys who were chronic cheaters. Its not gender based, its character based!!

[gixer]

I think women are more likely to self-deceive than men when it comes to comfort level with casual sex.

 

Do you mean by this that women kid themsleves that they are comfortable with casual sex in the same way as men??, because if you are then I tend to agree with you.

[gixer]

Most of the guys I know who are in relationships are very loyal. In fact I havent know too many guys who were chronic cheaters. Its not gender based, its character based!!

 

Maybe you are right but, like I say, I have met so many men who have girlfriends who are also capable of getting other women, and they have no shame in doing so. When I ask them why they do it they say that they 'cant help it'.

 

I have yet to meet a single solitary female who does/says the same.

[agent1607307371]

Women are just as likely as men to cheat. Womem like sex and will go after it to whatever degree they find acceptable. To some, that is having another partner whilst in a relationship, to others it's a quick chain of successive partners, to others it's a mix of the mentioned at different speeds.

 

And the whole "women made men monogamous" shtick - that is really about having the best provider. That doesn't necessarily equal the best genetic material.

[isidore]

Each human being, regardless of gender, is potentially capable of cheating & promiscuity. Let's not blame evolution, society, gender or any other red herring. This is an individual choice. Sure, people who cheat and are very promiscuous will seek to justify or explain their behaviour (most often when they get busted). Each individual chooses to act in the way they do, and I've been around long enough to see that both men and women have an equal propensity to act in this manner.

 

ClementineOrange: You posted that, " to be equal to a man, then you must behave like one. Violence, aggression, promiscuity and sex as a weapons." All men don't behave in this manner no more than all women behave the opposite way. The terms you used are traits that anyone, man or woman, could possess. Painting with really broad brushes obscures reality. Just a thought.

[JoeWho]

Maybe you are right but, like I say, I have met so many men who have girlfriends who are also capable of getting other women, and they have no shame in doing so. When I ask them why they do it they say that they 'cant help it'.

 

I have yet to meet a single solitary female who does/says the same.

 

 

 

I have always been quite capable of attracting girls and I never had a problem with "cant help it" That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in my life!

[gixer]

I have always been quite capable of attracting girls and I never had a problem with "cant help it" That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in my life!

 

I'm not arguing!...just saying that it's what I hear a lot! And whats worse is that these same men think they are doing nothing wrong!

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that you can generalize and say that the difference is strictly male and female because there are always going to be exceptions. I think that both genders are equally capable of cheating or being promiscuous. I do believe that women seem to be more suseptable to listening to what society expects them to be. Regardless of the fact that it is 2007 women are still expected to be a certain way by society. I do believe that men and women want some of the same things because besides the gender difference we are still both humans.

[agent1607307371]

gixer - I have a friend who was massively promiscuous in her younger days and cheated on every boyfriend she had, and she held to the "can't help it, don't care" philosophy.

 

But she's grown up, settled down and stopped getting so massively wasted at the weekends.

 

I'd like to think if I was to cheat I'd at least own my behaviour, it's the biggest cop out ever.

[gixer]

Each human being, regardless of gender, is potentially capable of cheating & promiscuity. Let's not blame evolution, society, gender or any other red herring. This is an individual choice. Sure, people who cheat and are very promiscuous will seek to justify or explain their behaviour (most often when they get busted). Each individual chooses to act in the way they do, and I've been around long enough to see that both men and women have an equal propensity to act in this manner.

 

ClementineOrange: You posted that, " to be equal to a man, then you must behave like one. Violence, aggression, promiscuity and sex as a weapons." All men don't behave in this manner no more than all women behave the opposite way. The terms you used are traits that anyone, man or woman, could possess. Painting with really broad brushes obscures reality. Just a thought.

 

So are we saying here that there are some women who are incapable of being faithfull in a relationship?...and if so are there no particular underlying psychological reasons for it?....because for sure there are men out there who seem to be inclined that way. Or are there some/lots of men out there who are somehow psychologically damaged?

[gixer]

gixer - I have a friend who was massively promiscuous in her younger days and cheated on every boyfriend she had, and she held to the "can't help it, don't care" philosophy.

 

But she's grown up, settled down and stopped getting so massively wasted at the weekends.

 

I'd like to think if I was to cheat I'd at least own my behaviour, it's the biggest cop out ever.

 

So was this girl insecure at the time?...or was she stable and confident enough in herself to be fully in control of her actions?

[isidore]

So are we saying here that there are some women who are incapable of being faithfull in a relationship?...and if so are there no particular underlying psychological reasons for it?....because for sure there are men out there who seem to be inclined that way. Or are there some/lots of men out there who are somehow psychologically damaged?

 

Not sure I follow you, bud. Once we start saying that people are "psychologically inclined" to act a certain way we may turn around to see that we can't climb back up that slippery slope. Some women CHOOSE to be unfaithful, just as some men do. Many (if not all) people have pschological issues, but we should be careful how much of our own personal responsibilty we abdicate. Now sure, if you had a raging personality disorder or a mental condition making wise choices might be difficult as your perspective could be skewed, but ultimately how we behave is our own individual choice.

[astaro]

gixer, it kinda feels to me like you are looking for an answer for a more specific question, either that or your looking for validation for something. you cant use a very general discussion like this to pinpoint anything about anyone. that's not how humans work.

[gixer]

Not sure I follow you, bud. Once we start saying that people are "psychologically inclined" to act a certain way we may turn around to see that we can't climb back up that slippery slope. Some women CHOOSE to be unfaithful, just as some men do. Many (if not all) people have pschological issues, but we should be careful how much of our own personal responsibilty we abdicate. Now sure, if you had a raging personality disorder or a mental condition making wise choices might be difficult as your perspective could be skewed, but ultimately how we behave is our own individual choice.

 

Dont get me wrong, I dont think anyone ever cheats and then says to themselves "I do it because XYZ has happened to me, or I am an XYZ type of person", ie looks to make excuses for it but I guess I'm just looking from a psychiatrist's viewpoint! If someone cannot be faithfull in a perfectly good relationship then surely something is wrong somewhere?