Am I pathetic?

[CynicalGuitarist]

I'm 19, terrible at school (failing miserably even with only 2 classes) especially because of tests, never even had a job, nobody will hire me except for pyramid schemes, still do chores around the house for money, and all I have is a stupid guitar where I play stupid chords and stupid melodys and have my stupid rockstar dreams which are just pipe dreams and will never come true anyways. I have the worst writers block ever and that, combined with my ADD means I can't write songs (and nobody wants to collaberate). I can't believe I wasted those 5 years of life where I could've been getting back on my feet so I can attend a university, pay attention in school so I can live on my own, be less pathetic and be a functioning member of society like I'm 'sposed to like everyone else. Too bad I'm not everyone else. Time goes way too fast for me but boggs down when I'm trying to sit still in class. I just want to teleport back to when I was 15 so I could yell at myself to go back to school, go get a job, and be one of the rest of society because you'll never make it another way.

 

And if you are wondering... yes I do have a therapist. Problem is, neither him, nor the lady I saw to perscribe my medication *which doesn't work at all* give half a damn about me. I don't have money to see a real therapist either, so I'm stuck being a neurotic, bi-polar, possibly schizoid, bottled-up gollum-looking weirdo for a long time.

 

oh, and to those who want to reply telling me "all you're doing is complaining. get off this forum if you can't do anything else!" You don't have to read my words. You can write me off as a whiner; I could care less. I have nowhere else to express myself without people looking at me like I'm a retard or something. I'm exercising my 1st amendment right, and I wish for whoever reads this to do the same. I don't really care about much anymore anyways.

 

*I know I have a lot of grammatical errors. who gives a crap if grammar is bad anyways?

[TheRedQueen]

Hi internet stranger!

 

I don't think you're pathetic.

[mintblossom]

ahem. anyways, for my first job, i thought i would have to start out flipping burgers. i actually got a job as a secretary and i thought my boss would be kind of anal but then i never started there. im still a little afraid that one day i may have to work retail or fast food. it's scary!!

[TheRedQueen]

^ see you're very quick, so why so down on yourself?

[Aleadragonhawk]

Cynical, this might be a little off-the-board, but I'm going to suggest you try doing something actually recommended in a book on writing poetry I read recently. It helped me a fair bit with the creativity woes that you seem to be experiencing in relation to your guitar playing.

 

You know that voice that is bothering you right now, the one that is saying you're worthless, hopeless, and all that jazz? Let it have it's say. Write it all down, be nasty, be vivid, yell, scream, cry, curse, and let all of that negativity come out on the page.

 

Then write a response back to that voice, on why it's completely wrong about everything it's said. About why you ARE a good guitarist, about why you ARE a good person.

 

Sounds simple and perhaps a bit silly, but it helped me some so I thought I'd share.

[CynicalGuitarist]

^ see you're very quick, so why so down on yourself?

 

Thanks, but that's because sarcasm is my first language... why? Because I hear it being spoken to me almost (if not) every single day.

[TheRedQueen]

Cynical, this might be a little off-the-board, but I'm going to suggest you try doing something actually recommended in a book on writing poetry I read recently. It helped me a fair bit with the creativity woes that you seem to be experiencing in relation to your guitar playing.

 

You know that voice that is bothering you right now, the one that is saying you're worthless, hopeless, and all that jazz? Let it have it's say. Write it all down, be nasty, be vivid, yell, scream, cry, curse, and let all of that negativity come out on the page.

 

Then write a response back to that voice, on why it's completely wrong about everything it's said. About why you ARE a good guitarist, about why you ARE a good person.

 

Sounds simple and perhaps a bit silly, but it helped me some so I thought I'd share.

I like this advice, so much so that I may try it myself.

[Lily04]

hey,

 

I think I feel your pain... I felt a lot like you when I was 19 (still to some extent do.) I think you have to realize that school isn't everything... your passion will take you far. Don't let therapists diagnose you with a million things and you accept a feeling of inferiority because of it... you're not your disorder. You are a unique individual with many talents. Even people with ADD are typically more creative than other members of society, I'm sure you have more creativity than the avg. person.

 

Secondly, the fact that you don't have a job -- I didn't either at 19. I found it so hard to find summer jobs, in the first and 2nd summers of university I didn't even have a summer job (well... I did have one for a month or so because of connections at my Mom's workplace.) I think at that age most people get jobs through their parents, but I don't have a lot of connections, and now my mom doesn't work, my dad's job is competely unrelated to what I want to do and it's not possible to work there... the main reason why I didn't, however, was because I wasn't proactive and started looking too late. I also had low self-confidence and was more introvertive, which probably shone through on interviews. That has since changed a lot though.

 

But now, in my final year of university, I actually have 2 jobs. I got them in one because I got along really well with the manager (interpersonal skills are also key) and (2) because of the skills I got in extra-curricular activities (mostly the other job, where I demonstrated leadership experience, etc.) I think following your passion will help you get a job... maybe the courses you're taking in school don't lie in that area, so you're not doing well. I'm sure if you took a course in music or writing, or something of interest, you wouldn't be failing.

 

So don't get too down on yourself. We all have hurdles to overcome in life, you're just at a stage where you're trying to overcome one (or a few.) That doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you human.

[quietgrl]

CG,

I'm going to frame your post because i love it but i don't like it when you talk about suicide.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Cynical, this might be a little off-the-board, but I'm going to suggest you try doing something actually recommended in a book on writing poetry I read recently. It helped me a fair bit with the creativity woes that you seem to be experiencing in relation to your guitar playing.

 

You know that voice that is bothering you right now, the one that is saying you're worthless, hopeless, and all that jazz? Let it have it's say. Write it all down, be nasty, be vivid, yell, scream, cry, curse, and let all of that negativity come out on the page.

 

Then write a response back to that voice, on why it's completely wrong about everything it's said. About why you ARE a good guitarist, about why you ARE a good person.

 

Sounds simple and perhaps a bit silly, but it helped me some so I thought I'd share.

 

I've tried this and similar things, but they just don't work when the pain is so real.

[mgirl]

ADD - blah. Just change your diet... you'll be alright.

[Daddy Bear]

CG, a couple of things you said gave me some thoughts I want to toss out for you to chew on. Take them or leave them, but they make sense to me. In fact, read the holy hell out of them, because these are things you really need to know.

 

Have you ever heard of someone who looked hard for a job his whole life and never found one? I haven't. Don't give up; I KNOW it'll happen. Your job will pay for amps and cords and mics and strings and picks and straps and add-ons and pedals and... well, whatever you need, in other words... and you'll be off and running. For now you have food and shelter, thank God - you'll make it ok.

 

I looked at your profile pic: a normal, average-looking guy who (imo) might benefit from a different hairstyle. Bands don't hire guitar players because they're pretty; they hire them because they have talent - and you do. Have you ever seen Robin Trower? Yow. You look like a frickin' Greek god next to him, and he did all right, didn't he?

 

sarcasm is my first language... why? Because I hear it being spoken to me almost (if not) every single day.

This is very important. It suggests the source of the negative program that runs through your head, preventing you from being happy. Hang on, dude, just hang in there until you can get away from this soul poisoning, and your own feisty attitude that comes through everything else in your posts will carry you far. You may not hit the very top; you and I both know there are lots of talented musicians who never get superfamous. You should at least be able to make a living at what you love to do, though, and that is one hell of a thing.

 

Don't ever let anybody, anywhere, anytime try to make you stop believing in yourself. That determination is what all great men have in common. You're on now... crank it up and crank it out!

[SexySadie7]

Wow.. somebloke, that is the most inspiring post I've ever read on here! Kudos... I like your thought process... Cynical, it's HARD to be positive when you are surrounded by negative people. Dude's right, you are only 19, hang in there.

How about getting a job at a music store? You sure got that interest in the bag. All you gotta do is stock equipment and show people instruments and accessories and stuff. Half the time you just stand around.

Do you live in a big city? Sacremento ought to have at least a few music stores. Go check them out. Even if they didn't want to pay you in cash, perhaps they could pay you in equipment, i dunno.

You are old enough to make your own money though.

Why.. has anyone ever worked at McDonald's or something and it was awful?

I've been even thinking of going this route. I've applied all over town and cannot seem to find a job anywhere! I've got 2 college degrees too. This town is pathetic when it comes to jobs.

Don't worry, cynical, you aren't the only one discouraged.