jmantra Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 My Daily Routine: I force myself out of bed Thinking to myself ("Whats the point?") I go to my job which I enjoy but pays jack and is only part time. I am pretty much the IT department so I get to help a bunch of computer illierates with their silly little computer problems, like how to send an email using outlook, and how to find a document on their hard drive. I really like the people but their computer illiteracy irks me to no end. Of course I try not to show this as it could be detrimental to my job. I've been sending out Resumes to try find another job but I feel like I am just spinning my wheels. My whole life feels like this, and I feel as if any second I am gonna collapse... I am 23 years old and still live with my parents so that means I get to deal with my family and their bull * * * * as soon I get home. I get to hear my domineering 11 year old sister yell, demand things, critisize me, and occasional call me and other people names. Whenever I try to explain her behavior to my mom, who is the queen of denial BTW, she tries to rationalize her behavior by saying: "You're all older so she feels she has to comepte with you guys" It's always "our" fault never hers.Their is absolutely no excuse for her behavior. Then you have my 21 year old sister who is even more emotionally immature and unstable then the eleven year old. She doesn't know how to drive nor does she have a job. She is very demanding and curses a lot. It's really demoralizing to hear. Then you have my Dad who have resented for many years. He helps me out but is extremely criticial, demeaning and at times verbally abusive growing up. He even does it to my mom. I can't stand it, I wanna move out, but don;t have the financial means, their's really no relatives I can stay with (atleast none I can trust). You would think I can get away from all this just by going out with some buddies for a drink or with a girlfriend?? EHH!HHH!!!! Wrong again! Most of my friends IRL are either away at school, too busy with school and work, or have turned on me all together. And a girlfriend? forget it! A lot of outlet is with people online but the place I go to hang out alot of people aren't fond of me because of some silly internet relationship gone wrong?? Pathetic on all of our parts, eh?? And just to add iceing to the cake I am in debt up to my ears. Not only do I have student loans out of my * * *, but I got credit cards, and other unpaid bills. I can't take any of this anymore. That why the suicide idea has been floating in my head lately, but don't worry I am not going to do anything drastic just yet. I am giving things til June 23, my 24th birthday, otherwise Sianora! They say suicide is a cowardly act but what is more cowardly, continueing to live your life as a loser, or knowing when it's best to throw in the towel and go out with atleast some dignity intact? They also say those who commit suicide go to hell, even though I am a recent born again Evangelical Christian, I am having alot of doubts about the validity of religion. If 'God' is so filled with love why would he condemn someone who commits suicide to hell? Also if God is about love how come we have to praise, worship, and serve. And if religion is truly the basis of all life, then why their so many religions? wouldn;t their be one authoriative religion? A lot of pain, wars, and violence could be erradicated if we eliminate the mass delusion that is religion. I have been in and out therapy, different medications, and psych hospitals for depression, it never gets better.Antidepressiants only help so much and therapy is such a waste of time, they (the therapists) don't even know what the hell they;re talking about half time. It doesn;t solve anything. I can't take this anymore, so I am giving life one last chance. Hopefully things will improve, otherwise this life expires June 23, 2007. Wish me luck everyone. Quote Link to comment
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