riverlady

jman, even though I don't know you I very much empathize with your situation and I am praying for you. You're really being tested right now, and I beg you to KEEP FIGHTING to turn your life situation around, one baby step at a time, and muster every bit of strength from inside to keep picking yourself up every time you fall. You'll just have to do it, and in the end it will all pay off you'll see. Also, draw on the support that this board and other people in your life will have to offer to get you through this. The KEY thing that I think will solve most, if not all of your problems right now, is to get a new job altogether or maybe a secondary job to supplement your current one. Why would an additional job open new doors for you? Well aside from providing the extra income boost that you'll need to get out of debt, it will give you another distraction outside of the house where some of your problems arise. Keep throwing yourself into work (ideally something you enjoy and pays ok) to have to spend less time at home and having to deal with the family issues. Plus, a different job will also open new social opportunites for you where you'll make more friends and hopefully may even find someone to connect with. To improve your chances of getting a great new or second job, ask experienced folks to help you polish your resume, keep sending them out, interview, and just devote a lot of energy to the job searching process. I imagine this process will likely help take your mind off problems quite a bit in the mean time until you actually land a new job. On the personal front, post an online profile and treat it like a job search where you're devoting time and effort daily to chatting and meeting new people. So, the bottom line here is to keep sending out resumes to fix the work part and posting profiles to help with the personal part. I'm sure this sounds cheesy but know that I'm trying my best to think of ways to help you. Please hang in there. Remember that there is at least one other person out there (myself) who believes in you and I'm sure there are many others if you'd reach out to them. Please don't give up or else all of my efforts and prayer will have been for nothing which I'm also praying to not be the case. Keep posting on here for support whenever you need, and know that there are many others like myself who are really here for you. God bless.

I was told by people that if he truly cares or loves me, he would wait wouldn't he? If what people are saying is true, then it hurts me to think that he never really cared for me as a person inside and have only been seeing me as a physical or sexual object. Also I hate to think of the worst case possibility which is that he was only going along or pretending to be a genuine friend the whole time in the hopes that he would get some after we started dating? That bites. I mean if he is really a friend then wouldn't he still stick around as a friend despite this fallout we're having as a couple over this compatibility thing?

Thank you to all for sharing your insights (particularly for the support that I get). You guys are awesome! Just a quick update on the situation. Currently he and I are on a break initiated by him being all distant and it feels that we're heading toward a breakup eventually. I can tell that he's been growing increasingly unhappy with the status quo of where things are physically, but this is nothing new (wouldn't be surprised if he's already looking for a backup girl). It's just a shame that we're also losing the friendship that we've had in the process (we've been friends since freshman year of college and now we're juniors). For a long time I thought he knew me well and accepted my values, but until I started dating him in these last few months I realize that things aren't as they seemed before. Not only is he acting distant these days, he's also being rude in cutting our convos short whenever I see him and claims to be very busy and stressed out with classes and his intramural sports stuff to have time to get together. Can this get anymore ridiculous? I want to work this out but my willpower and patience are severely tested, and don't want to be the only one trying to mend the fences here. Anyone else thinks I should throw in the towel?

I haven't had intercourse of any kind with him out of the concern that things might get out of hand. Even with just us making out, things are already looking like they can get out of hand very quickly. I had to put my foot down to keep things from getting out of control but I can tell it was a serious damper to him. We do enjoy each other's company and it's been a wonderful 4 months with the exception of this issue. Bottom line is that I'm proud of myself for staying true to my beliefs, but am torn over this situation since I still care for him and it seems that he might want to break up over this. Would it be wrong or superficial for him to wanna break up for this?

Hi there, I've been dating a guy at my university casually for about 4 months and he's been pushing me to sleep with him. However due to religious beliefs, I'm saving myself for marriage. I've discussed my values with him before, and I thought he understood, but still we can never seem to put this issue completely behind us and things would always seem to come down to this. And we're now at a standoff again. This time around he even seems to be losing interest and is acting distant. I'm not sure if there is another girl in the picture but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that he starts pulling away right around the same time that we're having a standoff on this problem. Should I just give up on ever being able to work this out with this guy because our values and expectations are too different? or is there some other way to save this besides just talking things through? Then again if he really likes or values me as a person he should be willing to compromise and accept my values no? or is 4 months too short of a period of time to expect a guy to really care for you emotionally and compromise his physical needs? How do couples with religious or some other serious differences work things out?