Apology Letter?

[macgyver4ever]

Does anyone ever get an apology letter from their dumper, or a phone call or anything apologizing for the awful way they treated you?

 

Our 4 year relationship crumbled after she went into self destruct mode after kissing my roommate. She had an affair and left me after she was comfortable enough with him. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and the last several months stopped caring about me at all. The least she could do is send an apology letter, but I wasn't sure if people actually did that.

[EvaGina]

dont hold your breath

 

she wasnt the sweetest girl in the world either... she was a tart

[anggrace]

Ive never written one. I had always felt I was doing the right thing by leaving.

[Dateagain]

Yes, I have written an apology letter. I didn't get forgiveness, but I did apologize. It seemed like the right thing to do.

[kate111]

I apologised to an ex I dumped. I realised the pain I must have caused him and apologised. It took a horrible break up myself to make me realise.

 

This was 5 years later by the way.

[kate111]

Oh and I had an ex keep texting me every so often. Not an apology as such, not sure if it was out of guilt.

 

I think it was his version of an apology.

[anna_k]

I think it's worse when they keep apologising. It makes you feel strangely pathetic. Also, if a break-up has been sudden and shocking to the other person, an apology can feel horrible because of its finality.

[kate111]

Yes I agree Anna. Patronising even.

[finewhine]

Yes and yes. My one ex who cheated on me sent me an apology letter three years after I dumped him. It was very heartfelt.

 

My most recent ex has apologized to me on numerous occasions, but none of his apologies have felt sincere except one.

[anna_k]

Yes! That's the word: patronising.

 

I think the best times to apologise are:

-as soon as you break-up (just the one apology will do)

-many, many years later when you've both sufficiently moved on

[shikashika]

I have never done it... I always felt good about my decision... of course I wish when ik've been dumped, they would have at least apologised for being the lowest common denominator

[kate111]

But nobody cnsiders themselves "the lowest common denominator" do they?

[anna_k]

Exactly. They're usually just relieved to get out of the situation.

 

My guy said to me (post-break-up): I thought it was a nice thing to do. I could've said nothing at all. So obviously he thought he was the furthest thing from 'the lowest common denominator'.

 

At the time he said he had news that was good and bad. Good for him. Bad for me.

 

I kid you not. That was how he put it.

[pinkelephant]

hmm... my ex said he felt sorry for the way he treated me.. and that he took me for granted.. then asked me why i stayed by his side when all he ever do is hurt me... never really an apology.

 

 

i dont need one any more.

[kate111]

Oh harsh.

 

Mine also apologised for being mean and I said I didn't notice!

 

Only later on reflection did I notice.

[laboheme]

Right after my ex broke up with me, we hung out a couple of times...and he would always hug me and tell me how sorry he was.

 

A little later he sent me a message saying that he's sorry for hurting me like that...but obviously his apologies didn't make me feel better. The way I see it, if he's so sorry, why did he dump me in the first place? Better to not say anything at all...

[anna_k]

^Yes, I agree. Sometimes I think they wait for us to go 'It's okay.'

 

Maybe that's why they keep apologising.

[kate111]

They feel guilt.

 

A way to get rid of guilt is to talk about something. Not sure if it cures it properly.

[macgyver4ever]

She ended it during counseling, and it was very civil. We went out to eat afterwards, and talked as if nothing was really wrong. On the way to drop her off, I made the statement, "This really doesn't feel right. It's as if nothing happened. It just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. Don't you feel this way?" She responded by saying, "I feel like I have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders." Isn't that sweet!~

 

As I hugged her goodbye and cried, she acted like nothing was wrong. As if she was saying goodbye to a stranger. That's what hurts the most..................... besides all of the lying, cheating, and betrayal. That stuff all hurts more.

[anna_k]

Well, it sounds like she's relieved.

 

I know that when I give a cold goodbye it's not always because I hate the person. It's just a way of distancing yourself.

 

You know when you're little and you say to yourself 'If I ignore it, it will go away' ? Maybe that's how she thinks right now.

[kr356]

I've never written an apology letter, but then again I have never broken up with anyone.

 

the closest thing I have received to an apology letter was 3 years after the heartless break up, my ex got my email off my work website, emailed me wanting to be friends

[macgyver4ever]

I know she is just trying to ignore the problems. That's how we got into the mess. She couldn't confront her fear of commitment and her inability to forgive herself for cheating on me. She made up reasons we shouldn't be together, and then cheated on me because she is selfish.

 

I expect some sort of apology because I treated her like gold. I guess it was my mistake that it it was actually fool's gold.