Does your girlfriend need to have money ?

[selkie]

not valid anymore

Insight please !

[shikashika]

well I dont' really care about a guy's investments, property or how much he earns.. and so I wouldn't want a guy who thinks that hightly of that kind of thing.

 

I could be wrong.. but it sounds like those things are important to you? I man.. you talk about how much $$ you have in investments and how much you earn.. so I assume you are looking for a guy who that kind of thing is important to as well?

[annie24]

I don't necessarily think you should wait until Mr. Right comes along to buy a home. If you want one, go for it! I bought my home, and i love it. do whatever will make you happiest.

[selkie]

well I dont' really care about a guy's investments, property or how much he earns.. and so I wouldn't want a guy who thinks that hightly of that kind of thing.

 

I could be wrong.. but it sounds like those things are important to you? I man.. you talk about how much $$ you have in investments and how much you earn.. so I assume you are looking for a guy who that kind of thing is important to as well?

 

No not really Im as happy shopping at Target as I am at Saks.

I'm easily entertained by simple things in life.

[Batya33]

I don't think that a woman who doesn't have a career is necesarily "old fashioned" -- there are many women with traditional values who also have a career. Is a man who doesn't have a career and - let's say - wants to work in the home with children "old fashioned?"

 

I think a man should care about whether his future wife is financially stable and care about how she deals with saving, investing and budgeting. Whether she wants to stay home if they have children is another issue.

[selkie]

I don't necessarily think you should wait until Mr. Right comes along to buy a home. If you want one, go for it! I bought my home, and i love it. do whatever will make you happiest.

 

I've actually already owned a condo. It was old so seemed to always have a lot of upkeep. The profits I made when I sold it went into investments.

 

I was thinking of buying a house but my two single female friends have and it's been one big "Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream Home" snafu after another for them too.

 

It would be great if I was handier around the house but Im not hence repairs involved hefty amount of bucks. lol

[annie24]

I don't know - you sound like quite a catch to me, and probably every sane man out there. It sounds like you are doubting yourself. why?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you have actually done very well for someone aged 30, and have saved a lot... you can look up all kinds of charts related to what kind of assets people have at your age, and you are doing just fine, in fact, better than most.

 

it sounds like you ex wanted a *really* high lifestyle, and expected you to contribute to it... and for some people, no matter how much money they have, it is never enough...

 

but some men also do not want a stay at home wife, in fact are afraid she will end up being a financial drain and hitting him for alimony and child support should they divorce... so some men would never agree to that, and i have seen some marriages disintegrate when mom wanted to stay home, and dad didn't agree with that...

 

so really, i think you should look for someone with similar values, who sees you being a stay at home mom for the kids as a positive thing... if you moved to an area where the cost of living wasn't so high, it could be a reasonable goal for a normal family, though not easy to do these days depending onwhere you live...

[shikashika]

i think anyone worth chasing, having.. will not care about your finances, or whether you own a home or not.... those things are irrelevant when it comes to love IMO.

 

I'm not interested in buying a home anytime soon.. some people are really interested in this type of thing.. but its not for me.

 

I'd rather spend my money on DOING things rather than BUYING things.. some people can do both... great if they can.. but if i only have option.. I'd rather just rent a cheap ole' apartment... go off and do things.

 

Your possessions, things, houses can burn down, money can be lost.. but no one can take away who you are and no one can take away your experiences.

[selkie]

I don't know - you sound like quite a catch to me, and probably every sane man out there. It sounds like you are doubting yourself. why?

 

not best to discloe

[selkie]

 

I'd rather spend my money on DOING things rather than BUYING things.. some people can do both... great if they can.. but if i only have option.. I'd rather just rent a cheap ole' apartment... go off and do things.

 

Your possessions, things, houses can burn down, money can be lost.. but no one can take away who you are and no one can take away your experiences.

 

 

That's an awesome viewpoint. Thanks !

[DN]

Another thing that may be of a concern to a man if you tell him the things you have posted about on here is that you may want him just as a father to your children and to be there to support you while you look after them. Most men want to be loved for themselves rather than for what they can provide. So be careful that you don't project that if that is not what you mean. And I agree that a follow on from that may be concern about having to pay alimony in the event of a divorce - the risk is quite high statistically speaking.

[annie24]

Because a guy I am just starting to be interested in is the son of a woman who is life long career woman and basically supported her husband.

Im afraid he may also want a woman who is a dual breadwinner/wife/mother.

Im trying to figure out if this is fairly common nowadays.

Also all my friends plan to work forever and look down on SAHM, so they can't really help me out here.

Thats why I need all the lovely people of enotalone to give me clarity. LOL

 

well, just see where things go with him. If you are just "starting to be interested" it sounds like you have even been dating him for a few weeks, so don't worry about planning the rest of your lives. Maybe you won't like him after going on a few more dates with him.

 

Just because his parents are one way doesn't mean that is what he wants. Plenty of people would rather NOT have a marriage like their parents'.

[shikashika]

Because a guy I am just starting to be interested in is the son of a woman who is life long career woman and basically supported her husband.

Im afraid he may also want a woman who is a dual breadwinner/wife/mother.

Im trying to figure out if this is fairly common nowadays.

Also all my friends plan to work forever and look down on SAHM, so they can't really help me out here.

Thats why I need all the lovely people of enotalone to give me clarity. LOL

 

 

but ti sounds like YOU don't want a guy like this.

 

Maybe I'm being biaised.. but I know I certainly wouldn't want a guy who is obsessed with money or being career-driven.. for me its more important that the guy is family and relationship driven.

 

I dont' know why anyone would look down on stay at home mum's.... event hough they do!!! I highly respect any woman who chooses to do that, despite people ( sorry!) like your friends who put them down for their choices.

 

I think its one of the most important jobs a woman can do..

 

A woman going out and working and sending her kids for someone else to take care of?!?! (while paying that woman or daycare some minimu wage?!?!)

I think thats horrible!

[annie24]

Another thing that may be of a concern to a man if you tell him the things you have posted about on here is that you may want him just as a father to your children and to be there to support you while you look after them. Most men want to be loved for themselves rather than for what they can provide. So be careful that you don't project that if that is not what you mean. And I agree that a follow on from that may be concern about having to pay alimony in the event of a divorce - the risk is quite high statistically speaking.

 

good point DN - i think a lot of guys don't want to be with a woman who seems fixated on marriage and kids. You know, like she will marry any guy over 6 feet tall with a 6 figure salary and most of his hair and a good sperm count.

[selkie]

I highly respect any woman who chooses to do that, despite people ( sorry!) like your friends who put them down for their choices.

 

I think its one of the most important jobs a woman can do..

 

A woman going out and working and sending her kids for someone else to take care of?!?! (while paying that woman or daycare some minimu wage?!?!)

I think thats horrible!

 

 

For some reason my friends think that either women who stay at home are 1. boring. 2. objectified and repressed 3. boring, objectified and repressed.

 

We've had some heated arguments about it and I give up trying to stick up for SAHM.

[selkie]

Another thing that may be of a concern to a man if you tell him the things you have posted about on here is that you may want him just as a father to your children and to be there to support you while you look after them. Most men want to be loved for themselves rather than for what they can provide. So be careful that you don't project that if that is not what you mean. And I agree that a follow on from that may be concern about having to pay alimony in the event of a divorce - the risk is quite high statistically speaking.

 

. change of circumstances

[shikashika]

For some reason my friends think that either women who stay at home are 1. boring. 2. objectified and repressed 3. boring, objectified and repressed.

 

We've had some heated arguments about it and I give up trying to stick up for SAHM.

 

ha!

 

I hope to be a stay at home mum..

 

I have lived and worked in 6 countries, traveled to over 65 countries, hitch-hiked in the Middle East competed at national level sports.. Have an education.. always looking for new jobs, volunteer experiences, enjoy spending time with my friends.. and of course.. my family!!!

 

If that is boring and repressed, I'd like to know what they find exciting

[annie24]

For some reason my friends think that either women who stay at home are 1. boring. 2. objectified and repressed 3. boring, objectified and repressed.

 

We've had some heated arguments about it and I give up trying to stick up for SAHM.

 

Maybe you should just stop debating the issue with your friends? I think you should do whatever will make you happiest and if that is what you want, go for it. don't try to change their minds, it sounds like they are set in what they believe. just talk about other stuff with them.

[FortunateOne]

There are many men who like "old fashion" reserved women. Heck, I'm one, but the issue is the emotional health behind the woman. By reading your previous threads it seems to me that you've yet to discover your true self. The men you've written about here on ENA are not the type of man you want, yet you keep dating them. Remember the definition of insanity; repeating the same thing and expecting a different out come.

 

One author/radio personality that really boils this issue down to the core is Dr. Laura. Have you read any of her books? They talks about SAHM's and how to look for the man that's willing to love these types of women. It seems that you may need a bit more self discovery before you find that special man that will give you what you deserve. Don't let the biological need interfere with the rational need.

 

To add: "Birds of a feather flock together", you may need to reassess the type of friends you decide to have. I know we all seek approval from our environment, but it's the environment we put around us that defines/makes us who we are.

[shikashika]

i agree.. what makes some people happy wont' make others happy..

 

I'm happy dancing on a beach until 10:00 the next morning.. some people woudl be miserable doing this

 

One thing I dont' understand about people putting down stay at home mums is that SOMEONE has to look after those kids.. Is the nanny or the daycare worker boring and repressed and objectified?

 

Why is someone else better suited to bringing up children rather than the mother? ARe they saying their career is more important than brining up children?

 

and how can looking after kids all day be boring?... kids are only young once..a and for a short time.. When I do have kids I couldn't imagine not being there for them

[Siriana]

Well I think nowadays job market is cruel.

If you're a woman and you get pregnant you have to go back to work really soon.

It would be great if moms spend first 3 years with a kid at home - that should be a minimum (had a chance if they wanted to, without loosing job) - yeah i know it's a dream and impossible.

 

 

I have nothing against being a stay at home mom - but there is only one risk here. Kids grow up and leave home and suddenly stay at home mom is left without her identity.

Also staying home because of the children for too long makes it possible they'll get more help they should be getting - being old enough to wash their clothes, to clean, to make something for dinner or breakfast....but mom does that because she's at home and thats her "job".

I think it is better after certain kids age to get a job - it doesn't have to be high career job - but something that will ask a little bit more independency from family members. Even a part time job.

 

So these are my reasons for not being long term for life stay at home mom.

 

Being stay at home mom doesn't mean she's a gold digger not wanting to work. There is a lot of work when it comes to keeeping a household.

But I think it is healthy to go back to work after kids are big enough (and it's a personal decision when the kids are big enough)

[shikashika]

^^ true.. how can anyone think staying at home looking after one's family is not work!?!?!??!

 

Sure, if people want to go back to work after the kids are a certain age.

 

But, I don't see why paying someone else minimum wage to look after one's kids is in anyway superior or less boring or less objectified

[Batya33]

I don't think employers should have to pay women to stay home longer than the current materinity leave (6 weeks paid, 6 weeks unpaid, in the U.S.) because having children is a blessing, a privilege and a joy and forcing others - the employer - lower salaries to other employees to bear that burden isn't fair in my opinion. Or the government, which then would have to raise taxes to compensate. Once an employer or the government has to pay for a woman to be able to stay home then how about people who have to care for a sick parent, etc.

 

I do agree that if a woman wants to stay home with children then she and her partner -- or she alone -- should plan financially for that - save, invest, take on another job -- to be able to do that. I was a nanny, I worked in daycare, I get to observe many childcare workers where I live and on the whole, not too impressive and often bad at what they're supposed to be doing. Not something I would want for my child, if I ever have or adopt one.

[CharlesF]

I think that most women would like to stay home with their kids. The question is weather or not you can afford to. It sounds like your former boyfriend had enough income to afford that luxury. Maybe it depends on the guy. I would not mind if I was in his situation and am not looking for someone who is exceedingly wealthy.