ghost69 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 it sounds like you have made up your mind. every time you reply here it says that it isn't a good relationship. i have no idea why you keep asking what you should do. ....................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 i have no idea why you keep asking what you should do. Ummm.. I'm really not asking what I should do... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 oh sorry. i thought you kept asking. anyways, so you are going to break up with him after today? (his b-day) ....................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 oh sorry. i thought you kept asking. anyways, so you are going to break up with him after today? (his b-day) Yes, ghost.. I just don't see this getting any better.. If I don't talk to him tonight, I'll probably be breaking up with him tomorrow or the day after (his bday was yesterday). I think I'm just too upset about everything to try to keep this relationship going. Link to comment
need2bme Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 N83: Is this the same guy you were afraid of dating before (sorry, but I haven't read all the posts yet)? From what I have read though, it appears that you are just not into him anymore, regardless of Valentines Day (which was lame, BTW). Is this also true? As an aside and if it makes you feel any better, my ex (the true ex ), called and left a message for me to have a Happy V-Day!! ARRGGHHH! I wonder if her new beau knows...HA! Anyway, I will check back in and give more thoughts... Link to comment
herenow Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 [. I'm not in love with him or anything ..] Isn't this the more important factor to consider when deciding whether or not to break up with him? If you don't love him, and don't think that you will grow to love him with time, then you shouldn't be with him. It's not fair to either of you. In the future, if you do find someone who loves you and whom you love, I hope it does not feel like such a hardship to you to communicate about the little things (or the big ones). Communication is a joy when it's between two people who are good at it and who genuinely care about each other, and you can't have a good relationship without it. What do you think you look for in a boyfriend the next time? Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 N83: Is this the same guy you were afraid of dating before (sorry, but I haven't read all the posts yet)? need2 - Hey homie! Yeah, it's the same guy. Definitely, my feelings overall for him have waned.. I don't know, sometimes he's good and seems like he's trying to make it work, but then other times, he pulls crap like this whole VDay fiasco.. or just does and says stuff that makes me look at him and think, What the hell am I doing with this guy?! In the future, if you do find someone who loves you and whom you love, I hope it does not feel like such a hardship to you to communicate about the little things (or the big ones). Herenow- It's interesting you said this, because most of the guys I've dated, I was friends with beforehand. So this is kind of weird for me because we just met and started dating, there was no friendship beforehand, so we're trying to build a friendship while being romantically involved. It's pretty tough.. but he's pretty arrogant and says things that make me think he's very insecure.. and knowing these things (plus how he acts) make me think he's not someone could ever fall in love withh. What do you think you look for in a boyfriend the next time? I know what kind of person I want to be with.. loving, honest, kind to others, hardworking, responsible, someone who wants to spend time with me .. but I just never seem to find someone like that. And my tolerance for BS is wayyyyy lower than it used to be. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 well, if that is really you in the pic, i'd be over everyday. lol. that is great that you know what you want and can pick it out of somebody. moving on is rough at times. but if it is not worth putting in so much time to gain so little, what's the point. i think this is best for you n. ....................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 well, if that is really you in the pic, i'd be over everyday. lol. that is great that you know what you want and can pick it out of somebody. moving on is rough at times. but if it is not worth putting in so much time to gain so little, what's the point. i think this is best for you n. Lol no that's not me in the pic, not even close sorry to disappoint you! knowing what you want is different than actually getting it though.. that's the part I always have trouble with. either way, you're right.. I think it's best for me too, G Link to comment
need2bme Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 It's interesting you said this, because most of the guys I've dated, I was friends with beforehand. So this is kind of weird for me because we just met and started dating, there was no friendship beforehand, so we're trying to build a friendship while being romantically involved. Isn't that how most dating starts though (without being friends)? You hang out and think, hey this guy is kinda funny, cool, and it doesn't hurt that he is goodlooking. Then, you start to get to know their values as you are dating. They then, either match or don't match. I usually move a little fast myself, so I am trying to correct that. Have you guys labeled yourselves yet, or are you just dating? If you just consider yourselves dating, then there should be no reason to not expect things to come to an end, if they don't work out. In any case, I think he deserves a talk to tell him how you feel (if you have not done so already), unless you are certain that you just are not into him now. It's pretty tough.. but he's pretty arrogant and says things that make me think he's very insecure.. and knowing these things (plus how he acts) make me think he's not someone could ever fall in love withh. I guess this is different for different people, but how do you come to this conclusion. I ask, because the 3 week fling that you helped me with, was basically coming up with all kinds of reasons why we shouldn't be together and telling me what was wrong with me, after being all over me for 3 weeks. One thing she said in particular, was that I spoke to her, as if I was trying to convince her. I am particularly interested in the signals you picked up on. Is it possible that he just got out of a relationship, shortly before you guys met. I had, and I know that made me feel uncomfortable at times with the 3 week girl. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 oh my freaking gawd, do I have an update for you folks. So he showed up at my place tonight, and wanted to go out to dinner and talk. He said he sensed things have been off and he wanted to talk about it. I said fine, planning having a talk with him (THE talk) either during or after dinner, whenever it felt most appropriate. So we drive to the place we were going to go eat. The parking lot is full, and right as this guy is trying to back into a parking spot he'd been waiting for, my bf floors it, comes a foot away from this guy's van, and backs into the spot. Basically, he totally cut the guy off even though he clearly saw him waiting to get into the spot. The guy (he had to have been in his 50s) in the van jumps out of the van and comes within 5 feet of my bf's car, yelling and cussing at him. What does my bf do?! He jumps out of the car and asks the dude if he's gonna fight with him. The guy is still yessing and cussing but says No, I'm not going to do anything to you in front of your girl, but then threatens physical harm to my boyfriend, jumps back in his van, and drives off. Meanwhile, my bf thinks this is hilarious and he's laughing about what the guy was saying to us and all this stuff. Meanwhile, I just wanted to get the HELL out of the car. I wanted so badly to say, Take me home, RIGHT EFFING NOW. And I didn't. My bf asked if I wanted to go somewhere else for dinner. I'm like, Uhhmm, I definitely don't want to be here any more! But I didn't say what I really wanted to say, which was, I want you to take me home right now, and I can't be with you, I don't ever want to see you again. WHY didn't I say anything?! Why didn't I speak up?!!?! We ended up going somewhere else, but I feel like a stupid insecure 15 year old again, wishing I had said what I wanted to say, feeling like a trapped animal in his car. Completely miserable, just wanting to get away from him, and didn't say a damn thing to him. I'm pissed at myself.. 1) for not saying exactly what I wanted to say right then, and 2) for picking someone who could be such a neanderthal. I feel like the biggest fool on the planet right now. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Wow, what a jerk! No need to be polite and worried how to dump him - he doesn't deserve it. He has anger managment issues. The way he treats other people is the way he'll be treating you after a while (he already did that, right?) Why torturing yourself - dump him over the phone. And yes, you're right, I wouldn't go to that dinner at all, if I were you after parking incident. And you still had a chance to dump him on dinner. So now it's about time. Call him now and say to him how it's over. Leave your computer, call him, dump him, and than come back here to tell us how it went. Oh, sorry, do that in the morining - we are in different time zones, it's morning at my place! lol Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Um...wow. Leave this guy. He obviously is completely unaware of how to function around other people. That's just scary. I'm sorry you had to go through that. You are definitely WAY too good for this guy and I see no problems with breaking up with him over the phone. If he says that it's not cool that you did, remind him of the parking lot incident and say you didn't want to see an outburst like that again. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 well, obviously a weird guy with some major problems... i agree with everyone else, best to dump him by phone and be done with it... also, perfectly understandable why you didn't confront him at the time... it's a WISE move to not add fuel to the fire when he is already behaving really badly... what nice person ENJOYS picking a fight with someone and doing what he did in the parking lot... could have been an auto accident and you injured, so no point in wasting one more minute with someone who has obvious issues and is so selfish and obnoxious... sometimes it takes a while for their true colors to come out, but at least it is very clear now so you know what you need to do! Link to comment
isisastaria Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Answers to your questions: NO...not overreacting Your concerns are very reasonable. I married a guy like that and never saw the end of it. It only gets worse. Does he have a history of this? You've been with him a while, right? I think he should know better. You're a hotty and obviously smart. You deserve better. Link to comment
isisastaria Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Also, This is a small mirror of bigger things. People have little indicators of their core. This is one of those. You can talk to him about it and somehow let him know your family gives gifts on holidays! Hope the guy gets it then Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 A little late to this thread, but I wanted to say that I think people show us pretty early on who they really are. Whether or not we choose to believe it or accept is another matter. n83, your bf sounds like he is selfish and, based on your last post, has some kind of crazy anger problem. Don't get down on yourself- it's been a couple of months, he's revealed what he's all about, and you seem resolved to dump him. It's all good- I'll only worry if you're still posting months from now, wondering why he didn't get you a birthday present or why he punched a senior citizen in the church parking lot Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Why dont you just write down all the reasons its over, and then give it to him in a letter. seems to me you are trying to avoid confrontation... to the detriment of you. You arent happy, his actions in the parking lot could have put you in danger... what if the guy had a gun. JUst tell him its over. Tell him over the phone, in a letter, email whatever. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Share Posted February 18, 2007 Hey everyone, thank you so much for the supportive responses.. I haven't talked to him at all today. Tomorrow I'm going to call him, and tell him it's over. No more avoiding it. What he did was totally avoidable and it really could have put us both in danger, not like he cared. Rabican you definitely said something I was thinking about.. What if that other guy got really nuts and pulled out a gun, or started attacking my bf, or both of us.. Besides that, I don't want to be with someone like this. So tomorrow's the day.. wish me luck ](*,) Link to comment
n83 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Share Posted February 18, 2007 Thanks everyone, your support is amazing and I heart you I did it.. It was a really short conversation. He said he didn't think it was working out either.. But he sounded annoyed, like he just wanted to get off the phone. Oh well. I'm glad it's over with. I think I need to be single again for a loooong time. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 DANCE aww sweetheart, I hope you ok Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 I am sorry....but at least it is over and you can move on. At least he showed his true colors early on! Link to comment
need2bme Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 I agree (if I am taking this in context, but DANCE. It is done and who needs the way he was acting. Life is too damn short. Really. My ex totally forgot me on Christmas and said nothing as she was opening gift after gift. Not expensive stuff (well, except for the concert tickets), but thoughtful stuff. It is ok to want to be treated well, ya know. Besides, who cares about a damn parking spot. I woulda been more concerned on getting inside and talking to my baby... and that is the way it should be. You did good and we heart you too... Link to comment
n83 Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 DANCE aww sweetheart, I hope you ok Thank you dear I am okay!! I had a really good day today, and I'll be just fine. And I love dancing, so I'll do that too. lol Life is too damn short. Really. YES IT IS!! Amen to that. As Bigheart said.. It's good he showed this side of himself early on. And I feel a lot better Link to comment
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