EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Why is it that people assume all quiet, shy guys are nice? I find they are JUST as likely to be 's than the loud guys, and they do more damage becuase they are SNEAKY!!! They are quiet!! You dont assume they are manipulating you, but I was with a "nice guy" for two years, and I didnt realise how badly he had played me until a year after we broke up. EVERYONE thinks he is such a sweetheart, but he is one of the most poisonous people I know, the most selfish person I have ever been with. -rant ends- Link to comment
Weeblie Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 You know your post kind of reminds me of that movie "Kids". I mean that boy was evil!!! But he looked so innocent. I mean if I had a daughter and she dated him, I probably would've been like awww how cute and given them some extra money to get ice cream. But yeah, sometimes the shy guys are the ones that are really good at keeping secrets. Link to comment
Altruist Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Its true most of the time: NICE+SHY+QUIET=GREAT HONEST GUY. Off course, once in a while, as in your case, you will find the sneaky, devious viper. Those are very rare. Link to comment
sidehop Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Nice guys are interpreted differently for most people. The way I see it, they are generally insecure, lacking confidence and full of secrets. Maybe I'm a... never mind Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Well if a person believes that because a guy is quiet and shy then he is automatically nice then they are making a huge assumption and not basing that on any factual evidence just what they want/believe to be true. The truth is that any man/woman can play you no matter what their personality is. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Its true most of the time: NICE+SHY+QUIET=GREAT HONEST GUY. Off course, once in a while, as in your case, you will find the sneaky, devious viper. Those are very rare. I dont think they are rare at all In fact, if my ex hadnt let somthing slip one day, I would STILL think he was gods gift and I was the harpie. Link to comment
laboheme Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 That's such a great point! I guess most people stereotype ****s as the loud, boisterous, obnoxious and disrespectful type -- you know the ones. So it's very easy to assume that someone who doesn't exhibit those characteristics also doesn't have the **** factor. Although, as we all seem to agree, it's not always a correct assumption. I wonder if most people would agree that the reverse is also true? Meaning that people tend to assume that the loud outgoing guy is automatically a jerk... Link to comment
Dako Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I got a huge laugh from your post. It's so true! That really defuses some threads here assuming quiet guys are all compliant doormats. The same goes for sweet, shy quiet women with fangs. Link to comment
Blackhawk2009 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 ill be completely honest with u..im a shy guy..apparently im nice i dont know though lol. Ok well if i was to have a g/f i would not been one of those "i own u" kind of guys like 1/4 of the USA. Also i would trust her to a pretty good extent.... what im getting at is that shy guys are better boyfriends..the end lol Link to comment
caro33 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 The "nice guy" thing actually really irks me. There is always a "nice guys finish last" thread somewhere around here, and what they seem to miss is that it's probably not the fact that they were "nice" that was the problem. "Nice" is so subjective! They may have been shy, or quiet, but that doesn't make them nice. "Nice" also seems to be code for "doormat" also. Nice, to me, is kind of ephemeral. If you don't use the more pejorative smug/doormat sense of it, to my mind it merely describes someone who is easy to be around. Not synonymous with "quiet' or "shy". So yes, I agree EG that the whole "nice guy" thing is a crock. The shy or quiet ones can have any personality at all. They could be extremely self-serving, and not at all what I would call nice. What did this ex let slip if you don't mind me asking? I am intrigued. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 That's such a great point! I guess most people stereotype ****s as the loud, boisterous, obnoxious and disrespectful type -- you know the ones. So it's very easy to assume that someone who doesn't exhibit those characteristics also doesn't have the **** factor. Although, as we all seem to agree, it's not always a correct assumption. I wonder if most people would agree that the reverse is also true? Meaning that people tend to assume that the loud outgoing guy is automatically a jerk... I think so. My parents dont like my BF becuase they think he is untrustworthy... but hes the most amazing guy I have EVER MET!!! Hes loud and crude, but its only to cover his insecurities, in reality hes very clever and a total sweetheart. Then I think what people must think of me, I am VERY loud, kinda odd looking, I seem to ignore people all the time (it come with anxiety) and I am sure people think Im a cheater/lier. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 What did this ex let slip if you don't mind me asking? I am intrigued. Long story short, that while I was desperatly trying to be the lovely, non-demanding girlfriend, he was purposfully sabotaging all my efforts. He was doing things he knew would upset me, and "not trying on purpose" just so I would fly off the handle and it would all be my fault... then he could do what he wanted I think he only told me because I was hysterical and drunk and he thought I woudlnt remember in the morning. And now he treats me like dirt when I am probably the person who cares about him the most (apart from family) in the world... oh well, life goes on and stuff. Link to comment
Blackhawk2009 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 actually i was wrong ive seen somewhat quiet guys around and they are complete jerks..but the same goes for loud guys..i really dont think it matters...maybe shy guys are nicer with the first impression i dont know. oh yea and i do agree with the "doormat" as u call it..... Link to comment
caro33 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Long story short, that while I was desperatly trying to be the lovely, non-demanding girlfriend, he was purposfully sabotaging all my efforts. He was doing things he knew would upset me, and "not trying on purpose" just so I would fly off the handle and it would all be my fault... then he could do what he wanted . Really? My lord. How manipulative. I would be angry too. Where's the respect! Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Maybe your boyfriend is antisocial and really doesn't like girls. Maybe he is gay, and was looking for a way to get out of the relationship without making himself look too bad. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 NP, my ex? Nah... hes not gay, and he refuses to talk to me now because he is still in love with me and that doesnt sit well with the new girl he's manipulating. I tried to break up with him more than once, but I always felt like that I couldnt because everything that was wrong in the relationship was my fault and I should fix it instead of leaving. Although she badmouths me, I feel really sorry for the new girl, shes totally naive, and if he sucked ME (total cynic) in, then whats he doing to her? Really? My lord. How manipulative. I would be angry too. Where's the respect! Yeah... I dno, Im past being angry. I have a great bf and Im happier now than I was with the ex. I get riled sometimes, but I cant do anything about it, so I just try to keep my mind off it. Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 How do you know he still "loves" you ?? I am just curious..with this new girl he is with, did he show interest in her first, or her in him first ??? how come they hooked up if he still "loves" you ? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 How do you know he still "loves" you ?? I am just curious..with this new girl he is with, did he show interest in her first, or her in him first ??? how come they hooked up if he still "loves" you ? I know he still loves me for a number of reasons. He can barely talk when I am around... He has told his close friends (who want us back together, so they told me) he told ME... the way he acts is insane... I sent him a text asking how he was and he asked me to start NC beucase I make his life to complicated... its not a vanity thing, I wish he didnt still feel for me. I love him, but not romantically, I think of him more as alittle brother. I dont even particularily LIKE him. and Im not sure about him and his gf, its long distance, shes in the usa, hes in Nz... he admitted he only uses her for support and to try get over me, that he likes having a gf that he doesnt have to put any effort into, that he can just turn off msn when he cant be bothered. all our mutual friends know her (she came over in the new year), and shes really meek, kinda socially retarded, and rather *ahem* unnattractive... she thinks hes amazing (hes REALLY good looking) so he has her at his feet. Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 It sounds like he doesn't really understand what love is. Maybe he can't form close bonds with anyone. But he wants people to think he is normal, so he has a girlfriend just so people will think he is normal, but he does things so to push her away. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 It sounds like he doesn't really understand what love is. Maybe he can't form close bonds with anyone. But he wants people to think he is normal, so he has a girlfriend just so people will think he is normal, but he does things so to push her away. well, seeing as love is different for everyone... but yes, that would make sense. he cant handle anyone thinking he is in the wrong, the girl he dated before me, he treated pretty badly. She was an utter cow and he had no idea how to handle it, but he still went about things the wrong way. Link to comment
ladyspirit Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Ahh, yes. Please see my post in "abuse". My ex was a totally shy, nice guy...until we dated and I discovered the weirdest of his behaviors. We shouldn't think that nice and quiet equates "sane and safe". Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 yea they keep under the radar... D was quiet, he was friend with J and was jelous of J's gf, R. he ended up manipulating everything so badly, talling little lies and spreading gossip,that Jand R broke up hating eachother, and not really knowing why. Link to comment
Altruist Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Ahh, yes. Please see my post in "abuse". My ex was a totally shy, nice guy...until we dated and I discovered the weirdest of his behaviors. We shouldn't think that nice and quiet equates "sane and safe". yea they keep under the radar... D was quiet, he was friend with J and was jelous of J's gf, R. he ended up manipulating everything so badly, talling little lies and spreading gossip,that Jand R broke up hating eachother, and not really knowing why. I guess the adage "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is" rings true as far as nice guys are concerned. Link to comment
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