My Girlfriend thinks she has BPD

[Gryphus]

Hey guys. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now and recently she believes she has bpd. After checking the symptoms, i believe her. Although, lately, she's been worse then usual.

 

The first few months I went out with her it was great. Then one day, she cut her wrists. I asked her why, she said it wasn't to kill herself, it was to be free from her thoughts. Ultimately, I couldn't understand her. Anyway, she promised never to do it again, and until recently she kept to her promise.

 

Then, a couple of months later, she started going bylimic. This worried me as well, she said it was because she needed someway to express herself, but not be seen and because she promised not to cut herself she had to do that instead.

 

Every couple of months some incident would usually occur. She might wander off in the dark or do something completely impulsive and illogical.

 

Anyway, back then both her and I assumed that it was because of her bad environment (when she was younger her step-dad did some really horrible things to her and basically treated her like * * * *). Yet now, she's in a really nice environment and is constantly feeling depressed/apathetic.

 

I would never leave her. I love her way to much and frankly aside from this our relationship works better then most normal relationships. She's never abused me. The worst thing she's done is kissed another guy once or twice. But even when she did it she said she didn't want to, she was just feeling apathetic (and she was tipsy).

 

She'll be getting therapy soon. But I need to know what I can do. The problem is for me is that I'm worried about her all the time when I'm not there. I don't know how long it will take for therapy to work (or even if it will) and I feel that I can't just sit here and be ok about her being completely impulsive.

 

Basically- the usual question

 

What should I do? I'm going to uni soon in six months and won't be around all the time to make sure she's not lonely or doing silly things. Need tips/help here guys!

[g1234567890h]

I do not have a graduate degree and neither do you or your girlfriend, so none of us are going to diagnose her. That's up to the professionals. I have bipolar disorder and this really doesn't sound like bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is marked by periods of extreme mood elevation or depression, but you only say that every couple months some incident would occur. If she has bipolar disorder, you would definitely notice.

 

I'm not a professional, but I'd say she might have a dissociative or psychotic disorder. If she was mistreated enough as a child she could have developed dissociative disorder. It might be unipolar, but I hesitate to say that because of the psychotic features.

 

Therapy is a good idea but from my experience she'll probably need medication, too. I have bipolar disorder with psychotic features and I have to take medication. I'll be on medication for the rest of my life.

 

What can you do? First and foremost, her safety and well-being are most important. That means if she's going to do something crazy, you have to stop her. It really doesn't matter what it does to your relationship because this is her life we're talking about. Feel free to call the police.

 

I do crazy and illogical things on a regular basis and so does my girlfriend. She has unipolar and we think it's chronic. I think our relationship works better than average, too. You just have to give her all the love you can. I'm sure you know how to do that.

[Juliana]

I think he means that she may have Borderline Personality Disorder, and superficially, I agree that it's definitely possible from what is described.

 

There is no medication for BPD. Personality disorders only respond to therapy and lifestyle change. Basically, she has to get real real healthy real real fast. Eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep and making sure that she has appropriate, constructive ways to express herself are important. The therapy of choice for Borderlines is Dialetic Behaviour Therapy. That is the one to pursue.

 

However, I see that you are beginning to set yourself up into a care-taking role, and this is the kiss of death to any relationship with a person who has BPD. People assuming a caretaking role in their lives undermine the person with BPD because it makes them feel different, flawed, inadequate and dangerous. Have faith, ironclad faith, that she is sane and that she is going to learn how to get out of her Borderline state through her own efforts. Then just let her live her life, and enjoy the relationship as much as you can. Love her as she is. She doesn't need to be looked after; she needs someone who believes in her and wants the best for her. You sound like you do, so in my opinion you are already doing what you should be doing.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I agree with the others, she needs to be diagnosed by a professional. Just as you would go to the doctor if you thought you were sick with bronchitis, she needs to go to the doctor to see if her mental health is ok, and what is the best way to treat it. I recommend she go to a good psychiatrist in her area and get a consultation. therapy is good, she should keep up with that.

 

As for the relationship, you have to do whatever feels right for you. don't let her walk all over you and cheat on you. Don't let her blame her bad behavior on her disease. Be supportive, but don't be a doormat.

[heloladies21]

The worst thing she's done is kissed another guy once or twice. But even when she did it she said she didn't want to, she was just feeling apathetic (and she was tipsy).

What??? "Oh, I got tired of just sitting and talking so we decided to kiss." I don't think so...

 

You sound like a really nice guy, but self confidence is an issue. You're gonna have to learn how to stick up for yourself before you can have a successful relationship, otherwise you're gonna keep getting dumped/cheated on.

[isidore]

The DSM is like the bible: if you read it long enough you can find anything

[Gryphus]

I suppose this is one of the biggest problems for me as well.

 

My girlfriend does not walk all over me, she's just incredibly erratic (when she kissed the two guys it didn't help she was in a drunken state). The problem is that lately, her logic of things has gotten worse, so she seems to be doing something every week. The problem is that I'm aware that fitting into the "Taking Care Role" is definitely not the best way of handling things. If I have the urge to confront her about it, I go against it because I know it won't be the healthiest option.

 

This stems another problem though. If she does do something illogical, or seems about to do something illogical, the way she words the problem means that I can't really stop her without mentioning her mental health. Yet if I don't and let her do it anyway, she does something stupid, like cut her wrists (it's not life-threatening the way she does it, but it's extremelly noticible).

 

I'm the kind of guy who in the spur of the moment finds it really hard to articulate things correctly, so I don't really know the correct way of dealing with something when it comes along.

 

Generally, I see her once everyday. During sociable occasions, she's always ok, because I watch over her. I'm worried that when I go to university, I'm only going to get to see her at most once a week. My only hope is that therapy might ease her mentality enough before I head off, which is in October.

 

(I know she MIGHT not have Borderline Personality Disorder, but she sent me a document, highlighting over 75% of the symtoms).

[Gryphus]

Also- i meant Borderline Personality Disorder not BiPolar

[MissTee]

She definitely needs a professional diagnosis.

 

Also, I wouldn't label kissing other guys as being "erratic". More like irresponsible. I don't think one of the symtoms of BiPolar is cheating.

 

She needs to want to get help aswell. It's all well and good that you've stepped into some sort of "care-taker" role in her life but just make sure that you aren't being taken for granted and that she is taking steps to help herself.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I simply want to warn you that whatever diagnosis she may or may not get, being with someone like this is very, very, VERY difficult.

 

I know. I am very much one cast from the same mold as your girlfriend.