Do you think my bf is cheap?

[lilred]

Since my bf has a business trip to NYC, he asked me to come w/ him over presidents day weekend and make a trip out of it. His flight and the nights that he is staying after I fly back home are on his companys tab. So I have no problem paying my own way. The total cost for myself was over $600 for MY plane ticket AND hotel for the weekend (i won't be staying any of the nights that are comped by his company.) I think he felt bad since I had to shell out that amount of money so to make it up he said "I'll pay for all the meals, and btw lets make this trip our valentines present to each other."

 

Sorry, but i'm like what the heck?! I'm shelling out $600 and you can't even take me to a nice dinner ON valentines, or do something special? I just feel very disappointed. I mean it's our 1st vday together too.

 

It's not like I keep a speadsheet around, but i can't help but feel a bit jipped, I know that he asked me to go w/ him to the trip and I accepted, but I'm paying over 6 bills, and he's just paying for meals? That won't even add up anywhere close to $600.

 

Do you think I'm overreacting? and if not, how can i mention something to him about it, cuz knowing me, I'm just going to brew over it.

[friscodj]

Hey lilred-

 

I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do here. I don't think you are overreacting. So let me get this straight, you are paying for your plane ticket AND the hotel for both of you? Where is he staying? Did he offer to pay for anything else?

 

I agree, this guy needs to hear how you feel. Your second paragraph sounds pretty good, perhaps with a little more tactful delivery I think. And include a suggestion for a positive solution vs. laying the problem and guilt on him. Maybe suggest to split the bill...you pay for airfare, you guys split the meals, and he pays for the hotel...as well as the dozen roses and box of fine chocolate he owes you as part of an apology...

[karvala]

I think there are actually two different issues here.

 

The money one first: it depends on your particular relationship, how you normally divide up these sort of things. It certainly seems unfair that for your supposed Valentine's present to each other, you're paying a lot more than he is. Does it ever operate the other way around? Who makes more? Is he normally generous? I have to say, I would/do behave differently (I'd at least offer to split the total cost with my gf, and in reality I usually ending up paying more, which is fair enough because I earn slightly more), but then all relationships are different.

 

The second thing is the potential lack of a special Valentine's dinner, which you would clearly like. Again, this is an individual thing. I certainly would (and will) do something very special, and happily foot the bill (you only have your first v-day together once, to my mind). You could at least make it clear to him that you will expect that, and hope he puts his hand deeply into his pocket.

[lilred]

Yes, I'm paying for the hotels during the days when his company is NOT paying---only cuz priceline has a better deal when you book both airfare and hotel.

 

He did offer to pay for half of my trip, but I'm not like that---you know taking money from a bf is too weird. I mean I can't see myself cashing in a check from my bf. We're in a relationship not business partners. I just thought he would make it up to me in other ways. e.g. gifts, dinner

 

Btw our salarys are almost the same. if that matters.

 

Also practically speaking, i don't really know how much the hotel is in itemized terms. I bought this package deal on priceline and they just give you a lump sum for both airfare and hotel.

 

All I wanted was for him to reciprocate. Pretty much acknowledge the fact that i'm paying a lot of money to spend time w/ him. And for him to be romantic for once. I mean it's our 1st Vday together!

 

How do I get him to understand? (e.g. positive solution.) Any ideas on how i can bring up the fact that it would be nice to celebrate Vday on the actual day? It's one of those holidays that you kinda need to celebrate it that day. I mean it doesn't make sense to send a dozen roses 2 days later right?

 

It's not like i want to guilt him into taking me out for vday---i want him to realize that he's being well... a cheap bastard. But in a tactful way

[Beec]

You know meals for a few daysin NYC could add up to $600, if you want it to. I could easily drop more than $100 a person for any given dinner, and probably a lunch too. So, three dinners alone could hit $600, so start making some reservations for nice meals. Check out both link removed and search the Manhattan board for some places to go, and also check out link removed for places that have available reservations.

 

PM me if you need some suggestions.

 

And as far as V-Day, you seem like you are expecting things from him. Things that he has to do are not really a gift. Accept what he is willing to give, or leave him.

[karvala]

You know meals for a few daysin NYC could add up to $600, if you want it to. I could easily drop more than $100 a person for any given dinner, and probably a lunch too.

 

I'm on m'way.

[lilred]

I don't feel comfortable w/ doing the researching for nice restaurants when it's going to be on HIS dime. I'm still a traditional girl at heart, and pretty much i'm staying it would be really nice if my bf did the majority of the planning. It's more of an effort thing at this point.

 

I'm just asking how's a nice way to let a guy know that it would be nice to have a vday dinner, on vday?---i really don't think that's unreasonable, esp. for our 1st vday together.

 

Well it seems like at least 2 guys agree w/ me here (friscodj and karvala) thanks guys! now i just need some tips to nudge my bf in the right direction!

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that he is cheap but I do think that he wants to lump everything together. The trip hasnt even started yet, so you have no idea of how much money he is going to spend. Potentially you could be expecting too much, I think you are going to have to give a little.

[Bethany]

Dallas BBQ next to BB King's Blues Bar is newly opened and very good especially for early evening but it's not very romantic, just good food and lots of it and it's not far from Times Square. $100 including drinks for 6 of us, fantastic value I thought.

 

Rosie O' Grady's on 5TH Ave was by far the best meal in had in NYC and I higgly recommend eating there. it is slightly more expensive but worth it. $150 for 6 of us.

 

We also had a good meal just a bit further down, can't recall the name of it but it has a glass frontage, very good in there and I recommend it.

 

BB Kings was pretty good too, with live music.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

You said he "offered" to pay half. I think that alone shows that he's certainly not trying to jip you.

 

As far as doing something special for Valentines day goes- If he's pressured into it, it won't be from the heart, and it'll only make it feel cheapened. However he may look at it this way, because I know my guy and myself do. He may feel that whats truly meaningful is the fact that you two are there together on that day, able to see what a wonderful relationship you two have built together. It's kind of a day to look at how your compromises and feelings have created the love you share.

 

Maybe I'm just a romantic cheapskate though

[lilred]

For me vday is the sentiment. i think that if he cooked me dinner, that would be fine too. But basically we're NOT even going to meet up that day at all! And we only live 30 minutes away from each other. Nope, not even somewhere half way for dinner.

 

I'm just frustrated and sad about the whole thing. Come on, isn't that a couple's holiday that one looks forward to if you're in a relationship? I've always gotten some sort of acknowledgement from past bfs.

[Beec]

Dallas BBQ next to BB King's Blues Bar is newly opened and very good especially for early evening but it's not very romantic, just good food and lots of it and it's not far from Times Square. $100 including drinks for 6 of us, fantastic value I thought.

 

Rosie O' Grady's on 5TH Ave was by far the best meal in had in NYC and I higgly recommend eating there. it is slightly more expensive but worth it. $150 for 6 of us.

 

We also had a good meal just a bit further down, can't recall the name of it but it has a glass frontage, very good in there and I recommend it.

 

BB Kings was pretty good too, with live music.

 

Other than BB's, I don't think I'd patronize those places, except for maybe a lunch ordered from Dallas BBQ. New York is getting some decent BBQ, but that's not what we do right. If you wanted BBQ, that Saturday night, you could have some decent BBQ and see someone at Jazz Standard. You could do that on any night, really. Or you could have a great fondue and very nice wine at Artisanal; excellent Italian served tapas style at Bellavitae, finished off with a nice moscato d'asti or by walking to desset at Rocco's or Bruno on Bleeker street; a good steak or chop in an old New York atmosphere at Keens; nice Italian in a more formal atmosphere at L'Impero; wonderful Mexican with frozen pomergranate marguerita's at Rosa Mexicana; awesome grilled fish at Trate Estatorio; or New England style seafood in a modern room at Mary's Fish Camp. I've eaten at all of these and rarely had a meal at one for less than $80 per person, and I think they were vey much worth it at those prices.

[Kalika]

Wait, he offered to pay more than you're letting him, right? So why get mad at him? You have to be clearer about your expectations. Tell him clearly that there better be something awesome planned for your efforts, and that you'll leave it up to him. And then leave it up to him!

[Dilly]

He did offer to pay for half of my trip, but I'm not like that---you know taking money from a bf is too weird. I mean I can't see myself cashing in a check from my bf. We're in a relationship not business partners. I just thought he would make it up to me in other ways. e.g. gifts, dinner

 

Btw our salarys are almost the same. if that matters.

 

 

Haven't read the whole thread, just your notes and I honestly feel like him offering to pay half would have been the best solution. Seriously. I would bring this up again and let him resolve the matter that way.

 

My boyfriend owes me thousands of dollars, too, and I would ask for him to do this. It's perfectly fair.

[Dilly]

And re: Valentine's Day, why don't you both go out on a limb and surprize each other while in NYC?! I would take care of the morning (art/museum, lunch) and let him take care of the evenning (dinner/entertainment).