Kalika Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey ladies, How many of you feel uncomfortable being naked during sex? I definitely have some major body image issues. I feel totally embarrassed having a guy rip the (protective) blanket off of me and just ... SEE me. Most of the time, guys don't want the blankets cuz they "get in the way." But I'm soooo embarrassed, it's not even funny. It's bad enough when I'm on the bottom, but when I'm on top, I can't help but be terribly self conscious. Part of the problem is that when I was very young, I had a severe gastrointestinal illness and had to have a colostomy bag (and my large intestine was removed). This is a bag that stays on my waist all the time, I can't take it off, and it's not very attractive to say the least. So my body image issues are not typical of women my age. But add to that the fact that I've gained 10 pounds in the last year, in all the wrong places ... anyways, you get the idea. I've had enough sexual partners that this fright should be gone.. or shouldn't it?? I really don't want to be 40 or 50 and still have these body image issues (I'm in my early twenties, by the way...). So basically, what I'm looking for is either empathy, or advice on how to get over it! Thanks a lot Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 hmnn..I'm not a guy... but I can safely assume that if a guy wants to go to bed with you.. he is already attracted to you and he isn't going to be looking at the bag... but instead thinking" hey... this attractive girl wants to have sex with ME!" I definitely think as I get older the body image issues go away... the first guy I was with I was more body conscious.. but now I can't even be bothered to cover up.. I guess just try to stay positive and I think if the guy wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't be trying to get with you in the first place! Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well, I cant really empathise with the entirety of your problem. but I do get the self consious thing. I think we all get it, we all have reasons to dislike our bodies in one way or another. and its comes and goes as well, with our moods and things... I cant really say how to get over it, you just grit your teeth and bare it and after a while you forget about it, I suppose. My GORGEOUS friend who I mention a lot, she told me she gets fat days... and she gets butt pimples as well... but she just chooses to not care. Its not becuase she is so gorgeous that men love her (well, not entirely) its the way she carries herself, how you can tell she knows she hot Link to comment
Baby Carrot Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey, I completely feel you. I feel like a jerk now, hearing that you´ve gone thru that sever illness and have to deal with all that colostomy nightmare... While I´m here, feeling miserable just because I have crappy skin, thunder thighs and zero boobs. Owie... sorry to hear that. Does it help if you do it in complete darkness? That sure would help me. But I think many guys can´t take it. The want to SEE SEE SEE. Annoying, really. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 yeah guys are visual... Guys that I've been with always want as much light as possible Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 But I think many guys can´t take it. The want to SEE SEE SEE. Annoying, really. LOL I like to see as well tho, thats the problem on my end... maybe I could blindfold him? About the bag Kalika... if they know you have it, they dont care. THEY ALREADY KNOW!!! Link to comment
beh700 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 (raises hand)! i feel this way. i remember having an indirect blanket fight with this guy once. ahahah i had problems as a teen in a competitive dance studio. they would measure our weight and waist in class. i remember reaching 100 pounds when i was like 15 at 5'4" and crying in front of everyone because 100 lbs was "unacceptable." i realize that's ridiculous now but it still affects me completely. the fact of the matter, is that i'm still getting a man's attention, and while i certainly wouldn't want to go to bed with myself, they seem to. you know? i'm sure you're an irresistible woman inside and out, and men are happy being with you. so smile no matter what your own views of yourself are, because they don't seem to be affecting anyone elses views! Link to comment
Baby Carrot Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 LOL I like to see as well tho, thats the problem on my end... maybe I could blindfold him? I don´t like being seen. I´m shy as heck. To the extreme of fantasizing that I´m doing it with a blind dude. For some reason it´d SOOOOO liberating. Dang. Link to comment
Cyprian Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hmm...to tell you the truth, as a guy: If you have a guy in bed with you, he is obviously attracted to you. All that matters now is your 'downstairs' - so as long as it is trimmed or kept nice and clean, I wouldn't worry much. Everyone has their problems, everyone has their insecurities, and the truth is that the guy is most likely hoping that you won't see his hairy butt! Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hmm...to tell you the truth, as a guy: If you have a guy in bed with you, he is obviously attracted to you. All that matters now is your 'downstairs' - so as long as it is trimmed or kept nice and clean, I wouldn't worry much. Everyone has their problems, everyone has their insecurities, and the truth is that the guy is most likely hoping that you won't see his hairy butt! There is nothing quite as offputting as a smooth-haired butt on a man LOL I like my men hairy anyways... I agree... I freak out every now and then and turn away from macca when I am getting dressed... he tells me off Baby carrot... I promise that if you ACT liberated... they will love it!!! throw yourself around like you dont care, and they will think your amazing. think about the less-than-perfect bits on the men you have been with... you noticed them, sure, but did you CARE? Im too busy looking at what I like to bother obsessing over whats not so great Link to comment
Aurian Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Bright lights can be intimidating. Have you tried having just one or two candles in the room? Candlelight is very flattering for you, and gives just enough of a visual for the guy. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Actually I'd prefer complete darkness to even a lil bit of candlelight.. Do I ever do it during the day, you ask?! Fuhgettaboutit. Link to comment
orion Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 When I was with my ex we would enjoy all kinds of lighting situations, I rather enjoyed candlelight, in fact I was the one who suggested it, she was quite happy with that. She was very shy and self conscious about herself as well, but it helped her when she realized that I was with her, and that is what mattered. Over time she relaxed and she became more comfortable with herself. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 ^^^ Thinking of this topic today... I asked the bf what he thought about it. He said he asks to see me naked becuase he WANTS to see me naked and that I "should never feel exposed" around him... Having a supportive, understanding guy is all it takes apparently... its broad daylight here and hes sleeping off the sex we just had. woo!! Link to comment
Hubbys_glitter_is_gold Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Actually I'd prefer complete darkness to even a lil bit of candlelight.. Do I ever do it during the day, you ask?! Fuhgettaboutit. i also prefer darkness. honestly everyone doesnt get over that insecurity. i have a pudge from childbirth and im not too comfortable with him seeing that because i feel unattractive when its exposed, so i like the lights either dimmed or completely off. If its daytime and he just cant wait then hes understanding of my "pudgy issues" and i where a shirt or some form of lingerie that goes pass my belly... Try lingerie!! Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Im going to go out on a limb, and say that as long as you dont have rolls like the michelin man, or pillsbury dough boy your man will LOVE seeing you on top. There is really nothing hotter in my opion. NO offense to any overweight readers, im merley trying to point out that most of the time us guys... dont look at your flaws like you do. If your guy loves you, is attracted to you, has sex with you chances are... hes not really fussing over that little bit of extra cushion you put on this year. quit worrying, and have fun! Link to comment
NKP Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I didntt like been seen but now it doesnt really bother me at all Link to comment
wayne Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 hmnn..I'm not a guy... but I can safely assume that if a guy wants to go to bed with you.. he is already attracted to you and he isn't going to be looking at the bag... but instead thinking" hey... this attractive girl wants to have sex with ME!" I definitely think as I get older the body image issues go away... the first guy I was with I was more body conscious.. but now I can't even be bothered to cover up.. That's one of the many things that confuses this guy. Why be more body conscious when you're younger and your body looks better? At any rate, sex just isn't as good for us guys if we can't see a woman's body. It doesn't have to be perfect (although we do have our preferences, they're not necessarily what you think they are or what "hollywood" is alleged to claim they are), but we can usually tell before the clothes come off that we're going to like what we see afterwards, and get very excited about getting to uncover you and see you. Why do you think so many guys like to watch porn? While we crave feminine contact, we also crave feminine beauty and the sight of the female body at play. Stop hiding. Please. You're taking a lot of the fun out of it. Link to comment
rocio Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Kalika, I'm so sorry to hear about your health problems. I've been friends with a couple of guys who had the same procedure. You must be so brave. As far as the sex is concerned, I like the ideas given here of candlelight and lingerie. I don't mind my man seeing me naked (not because I'm anywhere close to perfect, but just because, well, neither is he! so what?) but I often wear a tank top during sex because I don't like my breasts flopping around. I don't see why we should always necessarily be naked during sex. Why don't you try instigating sex when you're sitting on the couch watching t.v.? Take off your jeans and get on top of him. If you've still got a t-shirt on, the bag will be the further things from your minds. Another idea is to get used to being naked when you're alone. Walk around the house naked and check yourself out in the mirror often. Link to comment
Satsuma Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well i have never had sex but when the time comes i am too self conscious to take my clothes off, i could take probably everything off except my bra. But like some other people have said you dont have to be completley naked. Im definetly planning keeping the bra on and when im more comfortable i will take it off. Link to comment
licorice_allsort Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Men are such visual creatures thatI think, they see what they WANT to see. Us women look at our bodies and the first things we see are the flaws. Men look at a woman's body and focus on the 'good bits.' But hey, he's probably just as worried about his body as his woman is about hers. I know I'm no supermodel, but I'm not a bulldog either. Men have always found me attractive but I've always been too embarrassed to strip off in front of anyone, because of my scoliosis which is a spinal condition which has left my body a bit lopsided with my left shoulder/breast/hip higher than my right. You don't notice it too much with my clothes on but when I'm naked it's really obvious and I was always conscious of that. But now I realise that no-one is perfect and everyone has physical 'flaws', shall we say. I agree with everyone else. If a guy wants to go to bed with you, he's obviously attracted to you, so tyou don't need to worry too much. Just keep in mind he's probably stressing about his body as well. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Men are such visual creatures thatI think, they see what they WANT to see. Us women look at our bodies and the first things we see are the flaws. Men look at a woman's body and focus on the 'good bits.' But hey, he's probably just as worried about his body as his woman is about hers. Just keep in mind he's probably stressing about his body as well. Exactly!! While men tend to get naked at the drop of a hat, and they strut about like they dont care, they ARE nervous inside. Link to comment
Grosse vache Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Eww....I hate getting naked. I haven't been naked in front of ANYONE for over a year. Sometimes I shower in the dark because I don't even want to subject my sensitive eyes to the horror that is my body. I hate communal changing rooms, I hate clothes shop changing rooms, I hate stripping at the Dr's surgery and I never go to beauty salons for treatments because you always have to take something off. With my ex-boyfriend I used to insist that the lights were off, and I'd spend the whole time sucking my stomach in and I always, always got dressed immediately after and even used to steal the blanket to cover myself in if I went to the bathroom. Sometimes I even tried to get him to let me keep my top on or keep the covers over us. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Eww....I hate getting naked. I haven't been naked in front of ANYONE for over a year. Sometimes I shower in the dark because I don't even want to subject my sensitive eyes to the horror that is my body. I hate communal changing rooms, I hate clothes shop changing rooms, I hate stripping at the Dr's surgery and I never go to beauty salons for treatments because you always have to take something off. With my ex-boyfriend I used to insist that the lights were off, and I'd spend the whole time sucking my stomach in and I always, always got dressed immediately after and even used to steal the blanket to cover myself in if I went to the bathroom. Sometimes I even tried to get him to let me keep my top on or keep the covers over us. That makes me really sad Loosen up lady!! you'll enjoy it way more!! Link to comment
Grosse vache Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Maybe in 60lbs time I will. Link to comment
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