ex-girlfriend teaching pilates

[sleex]

so heres the story: My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year, we're extremely strong and love each other very much.

 

One thing: he's remained friends with his ex girlfriend (who also has a new boyfriend) and well she owes him money for a trip they went on a few years back, and she's been paying him back in little increments. But she still owes him around $200.

 

My boyfriend is a pretty loyal person, and he told her he doesnt want the cash anymore. Instead they both suggested he take pilates lessons from her (she teaches it) for free in order for her to re-pay him. He told me this and I flipped out. He said he contemplated it because he knew it would bother me. I gave him an alternative and suggested I do them with him, and he agreed.

 

I'm still bothered by it, why would he even think to contemplate it? He knows Ive always been insecure about them remaining friends, but I've grown to accept it. He loves me, but it all still bothers me... I cant believe I agreed to do this with him. What should I do? Stick out the few lessons?

[BellaDonna]

This is certainly a unique situation.

 

Is she really broke to the point that she needs to pay him with pilates? Does he like pilates enough to consider them equivalent to cash? If thats' the route he's going to take ,why doesn't he just forgive her of the debt all together?

 

Well, he already said yes to the lessons and also yes to you going along. If he insists on taking the lessons, I think going along is a good idea. Maybe it will mean he will attend less of her lessons in the long run, since the 2 of you will be there for free?

 

BellaDonna

[sleex]

he has always been into pilates. I think it was her who got them into it in the first place. She attends university and pays for it all. She holds lessons through her house to her friends once a week. we would join that group.

[sleex]

ive already agreed to go to the lessons... would it be bad if i repremanded it all and told him he should just forgive the debt she owes him in the first place?

[sidehop]

He was honest about it & agrees to do it with you. I understand you flipping out but it's a good sign that he wants to be honest about the situation And heck you're getting in shape for free! Pilates kicks my butt every time. I hate it LOL.

[zippitt]

If that's the case and you have no reason to doubt his trust I would just let him go on his own. If it comes to the point where he wants to continue and must start paying out of pocket, have him go somewhere else. If he pays on his own there is no reason to go to her classes specifically. Both he and his ex should understand that, especially since it does not make you comfortable. It's not like you are asking him to stop being friends with her.

[anggrace]

I think its undersatndable for you to be jealous. But has he ever given you a reason to not trust him? I think it says alot that he was upfront and by welcoming you to come. However, I think if you were to go it would be for the wrong reasons. It would probably mean alot to him if you told him that you trust him and let him go w/o you. I bet you would feel better too. You have to decide to trust him or not trust him and then act on it.

If it makes you feel any better, Ive been very close w/ my ex for four years now- and his new gf. I love them both and want NOTHING more from him. My bf trusts me and it really means alot to me that he would put that kind of trust in me. It makes our love stronger.

[Beec]

When he said that yes you could come, after you asked for that alternative, I think you're stuck and you should go. If you pulled that one on me, if you were my girlfriend, then I would not be a happy camper. be careful what you ask for.

 

On another note, both of them have no issue with you being there, so it';s unlikely anything is going on. Could it be that what they had ran it's course, and that it's just done, and that she is a good person to know. Why are you afraid to find out?

[friscodj]

He knows Ive always been insecure about them remaining friends, but I've grown to accept it.

 

It sure sounds to me like you haven't accepted them being friends...

 

So what is it that is preventing your acceptance of them being friends and generating your insecurity here? What logical and/or historical basis do you have for this?

 

Aside from this, perhaps going to a class will surprise you and show you this is all in your head. On the other hand, it might be weird and uncomfortable and reinforce your insecurities. Take a class, go from there, and after doing such you will have shown effort towards resolving this issue.

[EvaGina]

Are they group classes or private ones?

[dopexile]

why would he even want to do girly exercises anyway... it's like a lame excuse to be around women... men serious about exercise lift weights, do sports, or endurance training

[sleex]

Are they group classes or private ones?

 

they're group ones with her friends. who also happen to be his friends aswell.

[Beec]

If instead of looking at this wman as your enemy, you turned the tables and became her friend, maybe she would be the one who watched out for you. That's better than being the one who isolate yourself from, and who has no reason to look out for your interests.

[sleex]

well, guys I've decided to just let him go by himself. He contacted her and she said she is not teaching many people right now, and the classes she does have are during the times that he works. Instead she is just going to teach him separately once a week for 8 weeks. I've decided to just get over my insecurities and let it go. I'm not going to go with him although he wants me to, so that I can see there is nothing going on. I just decided that it will only humiliate me and I'd be going for the wrong reasons. He's assured me she will just be teaching him with WORDS, she won't be touching him or doing anything inappropriate. Hopefully this will make us stronger.

 

I am doing the wise thing, right??

[Batya33]

I think this is very awkward and he is putting you and himself into an awkward situation. i also don't trust that she has completely pure motives.

[sleex]

I trust him. I know he is in love with me and would never cheat on me. She also has a boyfriend. I believe in my heart that I am doing the right thing to make our relationship stronger. I have never accepted their friendship, maybe this is the right time to do so?

[Batya33]

Accepting friendship and agreeing to private pilates lessons are two different things.

[friscodj]

I believe in my heart that I am doing the right thing to make our relationship stronger.

 

This is a powerful statement. Remember this the next time you start feeling insecure about the situation!