Please help... I've never regretted something so much in my life

[mangledsoul]

ok i'm new here and i really need your help...

 

My girlfriend and I had a huge argument this weekend, during which we broke up. She hit me... then got upset and walked off. I followed her, and we continued fighting. She kept hitting me and telling me that if i loved her I'd hit her.... and eventually I slapped her. But I wasn't angry... I would've done anything at that point to show my love for her. I know that slapping her was a terrible mistake, and its the biggest regret of my life right now I'm not expecting sympathy from anyone here... I know how wrong I was, I have no excuse for what I did. But I really want to make things right again... please I need help

[Daligal83]

Hey mangledsoul...welcome to ENA!

 

I'm sorry that you and your girlfriend are having some problems. I don't know the background to why you were fighting, but if your fights are escalating to that point, I think you need to sit back and evaluate this relationship before trying to get her back. Why do you think she wanted you to hit her? Is it possible that she wanted it so that she have a concrete reason to end the relationship? Either way, you were both violent toward each other and that's a pretty strong signal to me that you guys might not be the right ones for each other, even if you love her.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Sounds like yall both need help. Seems she was just trying to get attention from you and would go to any extent to get it, I really suggest yall both get help and leave her alone.

[4GiveAnd4Get]

Well, I am a tad confused with this ramble. Yet, I will try to decipher what happened.

• Phase 1 -- Argued about something.
  
• Phase 2 -- She got so angry that she hit you multiple times.
  
• Phase 3 -- She said if you loved her enough, you would hit her.
  
• Phase 4 -- You hit her.
  
• Phase 5 -- You both walked away still furious about the argument and ending the relationship before letting cooler heads prevail.
  

Well, that is my assessment.

 

Couple of things here. NEVER, EVER, EVER hit a woman. I can careless who you think you are or what the situation is. You did make a huge mistake there and I will not sympathize with you on that.

 

However, I do sympathize with you on how hard it is losing someone over something as stupid as a "basic" argument.

 

I would attempt to talk with her. Do NOT bring roses, candy, or any of that other crap with you. Just talk with her, face-to-face, VERY VERY calmly and rationally. DO NOT blow things out of proportion or be rude to her. Recognize that you made a mistake and see if there is some common ground where the two of you can balance things out.

 

Let me know how things pan out or if you need any additional help with other developments.

 

AIM- 4giveand4get

[Mythical_Suicide]

As 4giveAnd4get said, never hit a woman but it should also be added that her hitting you was uncalled for as well. It's assault no matter how you look at it, male or female.

[Dako]

Seems like a sick relationship if she asks to be hit.

She was probably just trying to get a response from you commensurate with her rage.

 

Of course you should never hit a woman, but she seems to be the angrier one. Maybe you just aren't compatible.

[itsallgrand]

In situations like these, the right thing is the most difficult thing to do.

 

You do not speak to her AT ALL.

You do not call her AT ALL.

You do not meet with her AT ALL.

 

You take a grown-up 'time-out'. That means totally shifting your life into another direction for a while. Healthier things. Your family, your friends, your school, sports, job, hobbies, whatever makes you feel sane and good and clears your head.

 

I know this is the last thing you probably want to hear, much less do.

 

But you know what? This is exactly what a police officer would be telling you if the two of you had been unlucky enough (or lucky enough) to have been called in.

And the cops come with other ways of enforcing this sound advice - it becomes an order.

 

Do you think you could do that?

[mangledsoul]

Well she stayed in mine that night... I slept elsewhere... We talked the next morning and said how sorry we both were for being so stupid in the first place. We promised each other we'd try again... but im still really worried about us Im not angry at her hitting me... more at myself for hitting her. We've always been happy together... I just dunno what happened that night.

[Beec]

It seems that her hitting you quite frankly is her showing a lack of respect or just absolutely losing her cool, and probably some of both. You hitting her might be the same.

 

Your anger at yourself is healthy. That, and the guilt, should be much of what you need to restrain yourself in the future.

 

This relationship, and her attitude, do not sound very healthy.

[Maverick32x]

I would break it off... this is faaaaaaarrrr from a healthy relationship!!

 

Physical violence is the worst way to solve anything.. and I'm going to assume she felt guilty that she was hitting you, so this was her way of justifying it? (trying to make you hit her) I don't know.. messed up....

 

Break it off is my advice.... this will only get worse.... also, were you guys drinking or under any type of influence?

[4GiveAnd4Get]

Agreed. Time and space. Let it go my friend.

[never-too-late]

I don't quite understand something here. You are the one feeling quilty about slapping her??? Wasn't she the one hitting you?? i mean are you so lost that you cannot see that she started the violence? she asked you to hit her back so she would not feel bad for hitting you maybe. or she knew that you have such a big soft heart and slapping her would make you feel so bad! But i am sorry she is the one hitting!!!! She should be as equally feeling bad about it as you do. I feel there is a huge disbalance in the relationship! If I were you, I would get angry with her, would not go after her and would not answer her phone or emails for days. For her to realise that you are not a doormat or a punch bag! She needs to get her respect for you in order. So be a man, strong one and don't blame yourself! Us women we can get so silly, asking for things we don't really want just to get a reaction out of the guy so the guy can feel bad for us and show us later how much he regrets and loves us. It's a way of manipulating. She has some deep issues.

[lostinwilderness]

She kept hitting me and telling me that if i loved her I'd hit her....

 

[very puzzled expression] There is definitely more going on in this girl's head. Either she has some serious issues in her past like previous abuse or she was trying to justify her own anger by making you step over the line too. Either way it is something you need to deal with before your relationship can approach healthy.

 

And I have to say that no matter what she said or did your physical response was unacceptable. You screwed up, and you need to understand for yourself what made you cross that line so you do not let yourself go there again with her or others.

[yeawutever]

Neither or what you or she did was right. I'm assuming she felt guilty about hitting you,t hus why she insisted on you hitting her. I don't think you guys will last in this relationship, viloence is the last thing you wanna use, the only exeption would be if your life is put in danger, otherwise the best choice is walking away when things get heated up.

 

If you want to continue your relationship, both of you should go to anger management and couple counseling.

[mangledsoul]

thanks for all your help everyone.... i have a fair idea of what i need to do now. I'll let you all know soon how things work out.

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

I dont really know why she wanted you to hit her, but the fact that you did shows that you love her. However, you should never hit someone else and she shouldn't have hit you either. even though you love her, maybe she's not the right person for you. i know u say you love her, but maybe you should move on and find someone who is better for you. she probably doesn't deserve a boyfriend like you.

xx

[yeawutever]

Luvingxsomeonexpecial Nope, hitting isn't a any of showing that you love someone. If you hit it means you lack self-contro whether someone tells you to do it or not.