sex addiction

[sunshine823]

I'm a 21 year old female, and I just found out that my parents are having problems. my dad was visiting prostitutes for more than a year and my mom found out about it last summer. They talked about it and my dad was very sorry, and they tried to save their marriage by doing lots of things together. My mom didn't tell me and my brothers about it then and acted like nothing was wrong. But a few days ago it seemed something was wrong with my mom, and i asked her what was wrong. at first she told me nothing's wrong but finally she opened up and told me everything. and she also told me that she saw history on the internet that my dad's been visitng many porn sites the past few days. She thinks he might be visiting prostitue again. We don't know.

 

I feel that my dad has changed alot since when he started to make alot of money. he used to be an amzing person but now, he just care about money and money solves everything. but my mom, my brothers and I are not like that. My mom is thinking about divorcing my dad when she thinks my little brother is old enough to understand it(which i think is going to be in 2 years or so) Is there anyway that can cange my dad? I miss how he used to be.

[yeawutever]

Sorry to hear you're in that position, it must suck big time since you can't really side with neither of your parents but you can tell your mom not to put up with that kind of treatment. If your dad wants to change back to the way he was, that's his decision, you can't do that much. You're not responsible for your father's actions, he is.

[Kalika]

Have you suggested counseling? Your mom must be pretty upset if she's telling you about such severe marital problems. You can suggest to her that you will go with her, regardless of whether or not your father agrees to participate.

[jusified]

that is very sad, and its really bad how money can change people. I hope that will not happen to me.

 

I think you should suport your moter with anything she decides because the problem is with your parents alone, it might impact you and your little bro but ....its tough. I hope you are holding up ok, its tough to know someone like your father who suppose to be the pillar of strength in your life can change like that.

 

Hope you don't hate all men and view them badly because of this.

 

My sympathy goes out to you.

[NeverMore]

Is there anyway that can cange my dad? I miss how he used to be.

 

 

Well, this might seem unconventional... But maybe you could just say that to him. Not bringing up that you know all this stuff or any of that. But just say "Dad, you've changed, I miss the way you used to be." WHen adults get a wake up call from their children it really gets the point accross.

[radioheader]

oh that is tough...i feel for you. counseling is the best thing for your mother. this is a big problem and she needs a safe place to work through things outside the family. you may want to see one too if this starts to be all consuming for you. good luck and come back here for support!

[Jeff777]

This is a tough one Sunshine. Your Dad has no doubt been dealing with this monkey on his back for some time, and it will be a lot of hard work on his part to overcome it. Really - the best thing you can do is to pray for him. Also check out link removed and link removed

 

These resources will give you insight as to what is going on in a sex addicts life and what they can do to start to overcome this insidious addiction.

 

Let your Mom know about these resources as well - I hope it will be helpful.

Also - realize - that your Mom and Dad may need to separate for a time in order for your Dad to get the help he needs. In the long run it could be the best thing for him and hopefully he can get this out of this life.

 

Hang in there!

[sunshine823]

thanks for all your advice

i suggested my mom to go to counseling

it's being tough but im hangin there

 

its just really hard since ive always thought my family was perfect and i grew up being proud of my family.

 

i will try to hope there are guys that wouldnt betray women, and when i meet a special someone i hope i can trust him.

[Jeff777]

Good for you.

 

Many men are plagued with some degree of sexual addiction/lust. You can ask the hard questions certainly of anyone you're serious with. And usually there are some tell-tale signs if you are keeping your eyes open.

 

Wishing you and your family the best.

[Kalika]

Hey Sunshine,

I also had the unpleasant experience of finding out that my dad was having an affair, and my mom didn't know about it. It definitely caused problems for us as a family.. I hope you and your mom are hanging in there, and will get the help you need.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yeah, sometimes money does go to people's heads... your father could also be having a mid life crisis, lots of people do... but the bottom line is his behavior is hurtful to your mother and you and the family...

 

please try to convince your mother to get some counseling to help her deal with this, and maybe from there you can go into family counseling all together.

 

but don't take the weight of your father's problems upon your own shoulders... this is not your fault, and your parent's marriage... your father has made some bad choices, and maybe he can right himself again, but please don't try to 'fix' your parents, that is their job to do, not yours as their child...

[caninelover]

Hey there. I'm hoping you can have a heart to heart with your dad. You sound like a mature young lady. Ask your mom's permission to relate to your dad that you know things.

 

Explain to your dad that he is teaching you what to expect from men and that you may end up marrying someone just like him. Often times when we cannot change our fathers, we end up marrying men just like them and trying to change them! It becomes very painful.

 

Best of luck to you kiddo!