trying to be friends...

[Captain34]

This is frustrating. Any advice on what to expect and how to handle the situation would be appreciated.

 

At the moment I feel like everything from my ex's side seems fake. I dont know if thats because she is being immature or if its on me. I got a message from her on New Years Eve and it honestly just pissed me off. She wished me a happy holiday, etc.....but then said she didnt call because she lost my number, as if she was making an excuse. The deal is, if she cant be chill with me then I dont want to be involved in this. But if she can, i'm all for it.

 

To the best of my knowledge, we have both moved on. Thats why I dont understand why this all has to be so difficult.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Some people just can never be friends after a relationship that's just how life works. Maybe she did lose your number? Why get so mad over that small incident? Are you actually wanting more than friendship out of it? Im confused. What about that incident means she doesnt want to be "chill" with you?

 

If this is how its going to be maybe you both should do NC for awhile and both get your head on straight. I know it took my ex and I almost a year before we were able to be civil and hang out and now up until he moved away we hung out often as just friends.

[sandyv]

Hey Captain, I've followed you from way, way back.... and its all so obvious I think... (no disrepect intended) you do LOVE this girl... but... one more thing... she doesn't give a rats bum.....

 

I know, I'm in the same kinda situation, and yeah it hurts, but maybe say "bye love" (doesn't mean you have to stop loving her) but just go.... go.... go...

 

You deserve better, you have a whole life ahead of you

 

Love

 

Sandy

[melrich]

I know it took my ex and I almost a year before we were able to be civil and hang out and now up until he moved away we hung out often as just friends.

 

I agree. It's very difficult to just go from a relationship to friends without some sort of break from each other. I am pretty good friends with 3 exes I had long term relationships with. But in each case we had a year or two after breaking up where we just didn't have anything to do with each other.

 

I think most of the time you need that to successfully make the transition.

[Captain34]

hey all, thansk for the advice.

 

Yes, I do love my ex. But i seriously doubt anything serious could ever work out between us again. She will be graduating in May and that fact alone excludes and desire on my part to want to reconcile.

 

But we do have mutual friends, and we do bump into each other fairly often. I do want to be chill with her, and she has told me she wants teh same. I guess I am simply frustrated because I find a lot of what she does to be immature. Perhaps it will take a long time before things continue to simmer down to the point where things are just easy going between us,

 

until then I guess the best I can do is to be kind to her when she contacts me and leave the contact up to her for a while.

 

on a lighter note, I am really digging the new woman I have been seeing!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

sometimes post-breakup friendship don't work for the same reason that the relationship didn't work... if there is someone being really inconsiderate, and you've already done the boyfriend/girlfriend thing and it didn't work, then there's no reason to stay friends with her...

 

you can find much better friends, who treat you with consideration and respect... why continue to waste emotion on her, when it's obvious it is just upsetting you... just don't respond to her anymore, move on.

[Captain34]

thanks be strongbehappy.

 

I agree with everything you said, it is for the best if I just cut her out all together. But thats tough. First, I try to be aware that many of hers actions result from genuine intentions. maybe its just the situation,the fact that we are on different pages that makes it all so aggravating. it is just tough though because I feel that throughout all of this I have tried to put all the bs aside. i have made mistakes, but each time i have i have recognized it and made an effort to apologize. it all just seems so contrived now. the last thing i want is her to feel like I need her compassion. that isnt the case.

 

its also tough because we live near each other, have mutual friends, and frequent the same bars.

 

now it seems like we have both moved on. yet, i still feel like i need to protect her feelings - ie hide this new relationship, not post pictures, etc. that is frustrating. i dont know where the fine line is between enjoying my relationship and feeling like i am being outright cold to my ex. plus, since we "agreed" to work on being chill together, i dont want her to believe i am backing out because she may be seeing someone else. in all honesty, that doesnt bother me nearly as much as i believed it would.

 

i can go with NC, but the truth is i am going to have to live with her being around until this summer. i guess in the meantime what i will do is just drop this all from my thoughts(which i did quite remarkably over winter break), and only make an effort in reciprocation should she follow through.

 

I wont say that I am 100% over this all. I think that would be too bold. But, I have gotten so far since this past summer. Many thanks to all of you out there who have been of so much assistance along the way...

[SpeedingCars]

Who broke up with who?

[Captain34]

she called it off